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Original poster

If you had given up but then met the one and had a family after 35, can you give me some hope?

54 replies

keystothatjam · 03/12/2018 11:09

I like my life but I have always wanted a marriage and a family.

Did you meet the one after 35 and have everything you wanted even when you thought you never would?

I already feel like i have missed out on so much time in a stable loving relationship with a family.

OP posts:
Original poster
keystothatjam · 04/12/2018 11:31

I have days where I am perfectly happy and others where I think is this it for me

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 04/12/2018 11:42

OP - just to throw in a bit of realism too...
For some of the stories or meeting the One, there are lots of women that have wasted years chasing some fantasy, and that ‘special feeling’, and ‘knowing immediately’....

Life isn’t a movie. It doesn’t always happen that way. There isn’t a missing part that completes you. At least, not one and only...

If you have a very set and rigid expectation if how it all is meant to be - then you might be disappointed. However - if you treat it with an open mind - you might be surprised. And meet someone who’ll make you happy...

Good luck.

ScrambledSmegs · 04/12/2018 11:44

Not me, but a couple of friends. One is pregnant in her 40s, having met her DH in her late 30s. And another has recently got married, met her now DH in her late 30s. They want to have children too, I know.

Both couples are blissfully happy and very 'together', IYKWIM.

Both couples met online although on meet-up sites related to their interests, not general dating apps.

Dvg · 04/12/2018 11:55

My mum started dating her fiancee 7 years ago aged 42, no kids as she can't have any more but they are happy and now have a grandchild

Original poster
keystothatjam · 04/12/2018 11:57

I am open minded to the point where I will generally meet up with people I like the look of and think have a similar level of education/interests to me - I like to discuss things and being blunt I don’t think I could be with someone who wasn’t interested in having a good heart to heart about a book, for example. But other than that I don’t think I narrow options much, but maybe I am wrong and I am not being open minded enough?

OP posts:
Original poster
keystothatjam · 04/12/2018 11:58

I find it easy to date and if I went along with things I could be married by now. I just haven’t done that as it never felt that great, almost like I preferred being alone or at least was as happy on my own. Which I don’t think is what you’re after when you look to spend your life with someone?

OP posts:
sunsetheaven · 04/12/2018 12:14

And don’t forget many people who settle down in 20s/early 30s aren’t necessarily happy and end up apart. Better to be alone and ready for the right relationship than to be in the wrong one.

Ohyesiam · 04/12/2018 12:15

Yes!
Met the man of my dreams at 36, had my kids at 38 and 41.
I’m 52 now and we are a happy family.

bellinisurge · 04/12/2018 12:17

I think you are messing with your own head if you talk about "The One". Nothing wrong with keeping your standards high. Nothing wrong with contemplating "A One" either. I have plenty of non married , non partnered family members who are older than 40. I thought I would be and surprised myself by not being.

Original poster
keystothatjam · 04/12/2018 12:31

I don’t necessarily think there’s the one. Just a one that’s right for you and you feel properly in love.

OP posts:
Bellendejour · 06/12/2018 11:15

I agree with not liking talk of ‘the one’. I’ve lived with two boyfriends but neither relationship was right in the end. But I don’t discount how important they were, and I did love them. I think my DP is the right person for me, but I’m also the right person for him because I had kind of worked out a lot of stuff through my many relationships and had actually kind of accepted that I might not settle down/have kids and that was okay. So I think I managed it all a lot better in the dating stage so we actually got to that point! I am glad I really fancy him but the most important things about us are that he is caring and supportive and can cope with me being emotional/down sometimes, otherwise we’d have split up by now! But I definitely needed both those things to feel completely sure about the relationship.
Btw he’s not what I was necessarily looking for ‘on paper’ (eg he’s quite a bit younger!) but I think it’s good to have an open mind and see how things go.

CrazySheepLady · 06/12/2018 12:06

I had just given up completely and was becoming resigned to a life alone then, at 37, I started seeing my now husband. I never thought I could be so happy or love anyone so much and, 11 years on, I still thank my lucky stars every day.

I guess the old advice was right - don't think about finding someone all the time and it'll happen when you're not expecting it.

Westwing1 · 06/12/2018 12:16

Never had a proper boyfriend, single most of the time. Was sure boyfriends and marriage weren't for me. Met DH aged 33, married 6 months later, 3 kids. Now aged 51 and very happily married. I think just keep busy, accept invitations and wishing you lots of luck. Oh and definitely don't settle!

BunnyColvin · 06/12/2018 16:53

For some of the stories or meeting the One, there are lots of women that have wasted years chasing some fantasy, and that ‘special feeling’, and ‘knowing immediately’....

This. Also if children are what you desperately want over everything else, consider doing that on your own.

toffeeapple123 · 10/02/2019 20:00

Sorry to resurrect this thread. I am feeling sad this evening and could do with some hope.

I am 35 this year. Been in love only twice. The last one was only last year, he was absolutely perfect in every way except he was emotionally abusive. There have been countless other men, but none I truly loved.

Any other couples meet later in life and go on to have families?

CocoKoko123 · 10/02/2019 20:14

toffeeapple just wanted to say if he was emotionally abusive then he was far from perfect and you’re better off out of it.my ex was EA and if nearly destroyed me as a person.I am mid-thirties and doubting whether I’ll meet ‘the one’...

Aroundtheworldandback · 10/02/2019 20:17

toffeeapple123 In what ways could he have been perfect if he was emotionally abusive?

I was in an abusive marriage and left at 36 with two small kids. Kept an open mind and really had no idea what I was looking for until I met him answer over time he showed me who he really was. He is the most exceptional husband and step dad to my kids. Just relax, stop worrying (hard I know), keep an open mind and accept all invites.

Aroundtheworldandback · 10/02/2019 20:18

Sorry *answer - and

toffeeapple123 · 10/02/2019 22:23

Aroundtheworldandback He obviously wasn't perfect overall, I know that, but he had everything else I was looking for. Sigh.

I'm mid 30s as well CocoKoko123 and seriously wondering whether it's going to work out for me as well

CocoKoko123 · 10/02/2019 22:27

around that’s the sort of happy ending I’m hoping for! Just seem to be so many men with fundamental flaws out there - and I’m not being particularly picky - just standard things required from a decent human being!

CocoKoko123 · 10/02/2019 22:28

around how did you meet this amazing man?!lol

Aroundtheworldandback · 11/02/2019 14:16

Coco I met him on an online specialised dating site. He wasn’t even looking, his divorce hadn’t come through but his sister put him on the same second I happened to log on. Don’t mean to sound self pitying but in so many ways i had been dealt a really bad hand in life. This was the first time I have been lucky.

toffeeapple if you don’t mind me asking, what are the attributes you are looking for? I had to endure countless dates where they slagged off ex’s, and used to come away feeling drained. Dh was going through the same shit yet I came away feeling inspired and full of positivity. He was positive, kind, educated and clearly bright.

Don’t give up. Keep busy, don’t rule any avenue out but don’t settle either.

MaryShelley1818 · 11/02/2019 15:05

Met back up with my childhood sweetheart at 38, moved in together 2mths later, pregnant 6mths after that, DS born when I was 39, married at 40, now ttc baby number 2.

MargoLovebutter · 11/02/2019 15:12

My sister met her OH when she was 38, got married at 39. They adopted their DC 3 years later as they'd had no luck having their own.

AlphaJuno · 11/02/2019 16:13

Yes. Met ex p at 19 and had 2 dcs at 26 and 28. We split up after 13 years but for various reasons never thought he was 'the one'. Was single for a year and then with someone abusive for 3 years.. finally managed to ditch him and then got together with dp (we'd known each other for years but had always been with other people). By this point I had decided I wasn't dating or looking and was going to stay single. We hit it off immediately, got on really well and had the surprise of finding out we were expecting dd2 6 mths into the relationship! She's now 10 mths, we've been together 2 years and it's so much better than any of my other relationships.

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