Hi,
Will try to keep this brief. I was with my narcissist ex for c. 5 years. We broke up suddenly, with him asking me to leave our house we shared together. We'd had an up and down toxic relationship and enough was enough so I moved out and found somewhere else to live. We then continued an off/on again relationship for approximately another 9 months where of course, all our problems continued to exist and culminated in constant arguments where he ranted at me for not putting him first. During one of our 'on' again moments, I realised he'd deleted me from all social media (he said it was hard seeing me happy), so I decided enough was enough and blocked him from everything. NC helped massively.
Roll on 6 months, and I still see him sometimes (only because we sometimes end up on the same train in to London). As it's drawing nearer to Christmas I am finding it incredibly hard and I'm not sure if it's because it's Christmas, and the first one I'm spending single, or because I think he's met someone else. His recent messages keep telling me how amazing he's doing, and how busy he is and it really really hurts. He never asks how I am, and for some reason this still massively bothers me. I had been doing well in a) not contacting him and b) focusing on myself but I can feel myself having obsessive thoughts and I just want it to STOP.
My main thoughts are why was I never good enough for him and I bet he's treating his new girlfriend (or date or whatever) really well, and why did it not work for us? And yet, I know our relationship was toxic and I know that I am better off without him (deep down I know this anyway). Has anyone ever felt in the same boat?
I think a lot of this is to do with me thinking my life would be in a different place right now (i thought we'd be engaged with children) and maybe that's why it's hard. Just looking to see if anyone's been in a similar boat and can give me any tips on how to feel better. Am still single (has been about 6 months since we finally broke up).