Advice on Early stages of potential breakup

[123hope]

Hi, my husband and I are in a very bad place in our marriage. The after I gave birth to our son he never turned up to the hospital i waitex all day he promised he'd come then called cimplaining about his farm and saying he was under pressure..nothing about it since. i had a c section and found it hard to lift my baby I was heart broken. We had our sons christening recently and he didnt lift an finger to help. All our families came back to our house and he was a spectator. I moved quite a distance to be with him ans my family arrived after a 5hr drive and my husband was down at is parents who live donw the road instead of welcoming my family or giving a hand. I asked him to get a table for after the christening and he gave out so much xouldnt just do it for his sons christening. Anything i asked him to do was refused with a lot of cursing. My family who travelled down ended up doing the lions share of the work that day. He-'s nephews had birthdays and i had to put money into them as he doesnt give them.anything and its embarrassing at this stage. He put so many obstacles in my way it ruined the christening for me. I am so upset about his lack of interest and his down right begrudging behaviour. We are I feel at the beginninf of a marriage breakdown. I am going home tom. With my 2 children to get away from hime ans to try and wake him up to the dact that he has to.help out in our famly to make it good. He does nothing aroind the house nothing. Im am so sick of it. My only concern is my children I want to protect them from this but they are not stupid they must be picking up on the negativity. How do I manage this with the least upset for them. I will.be taking my oldest daughter out of preschool for 3 days but I need to.do.this I need to shock him into realising that I will leave and bring our children with me. How do I protect my kids but protect.my dignity ans not allow him to treat me like this. I am so sad and disappointed. Ive tried talking to him but he wont listen he says it all in my head what wrong with you he says. I dont want oir children used as weapons that would be unexceptable. But we spend moat of our time fighting or ignoring each other. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello sorry for your situation thats awful and its clear he has no interest in family life. Can you move back near your family and stay with them until you can find somewhere to live? Assumes he owns the farm? You could get a job and he’d have to pay maintenance. At least your children are young enough not to understand and are not in school. Would he use the children against you? It doesnt sound like he is very interested in them? You are protecting your dignity by leaving

Thanks Lozzerbmc, I could definately get another job and move home and maybe that is exactly what il have to do but Im hoping that his behaviour will change if he realises he could lose so much if he places any value on our relationship. Im still emotionally in the relationship but im reaching boiling point. Im going to leave today for a few days and hope something will change its such a huge step to break up and has such upheaval for me and my children. I hope this works..

I hope he comes to his senses. It occurred to me afterwards to wonder if he is depressed? Is this a change is behaviour or has he always been like it? A few days away may help clear your head too.

I had an arse of an ex a long time ago who sounds similar to yours. That behaviour when you had just had his child is appalling and totally unacceptable. Not being there for you at your most vulnerable time of life? Just had a c section and not lifting a finger? A man should cherish his woman and child. You should be valued, supported, loved. I know you feel emotionally connected now. I have been there. I just wish I had good advice at the time and got rid sooner.. i did but kept going back foolishly. I think you need to take a firm stand. Yes go for even more than a few days, at least 2 weeks. Let him be alone over xmas. Watch him start grovelling promising the earth. Write everything he has done down and look at this when yr feeling like yr missing him. My heart goes out to you because you deserve so much better, as do your children. When you look back in the future, like i did, youll be appalled that you put up with such a horrible man. Its about gaining self respect, knowing you deserve more... good luck to you and stay strong