No point to life

[Itsallpointless]

I have spent the day with my family at my Dads. My adult children/partners, my sister/husband and my brother/wife. Then me, just me. I am alone surrounded by people who have fulfilled lives, and a significant other. People who have other more important people in their lives than me. I leave feeling alone and hopeless, worthless, as everyone has a life to go home to, and I go home to me, nothing and no one else just me.

I recently split from my partner, which was my decision, the relationship was so wrong. Friends are thin on the ground, family wrapped up in their own lives. I go out as much as I can (meet-up) I’m very proactive, but I feel there’s no point in living without someone who makes life worth living. I’m just ‘filling time’.

As much as I make myself do stuff, I feel I want to withdraw from everything and everyone. I’m jealous of people who have a ‘special’ relationship. I don’t begrudge them at all, I just wish I had it myself. I feel totally insignificant. After all these years on this planet, I have very little to show for it, and I don’t mean material or financial wealth.

Does anyone else feel this way? I’m finding it difficult to cope.

I feel there’s no point in living without someone who makes life worth living.

YOU make your life worth living.

I truly feel for you. I know the pain of loneliness, we are social and we need other people to love and be loved by, but you can also love yourself/learn to love yourself more.

Take yourself on a date. Not just to fill time but actually do something kind. A spa day?

I take myself to museums occasionally. I like being free to wander as quickly or slowly as I like... Hehe...

But yeah, without giving you loads of practical ideas (as I might sure you're more than capable of coming up with ideas yourself), I'd agree with what PP's have said; just be kinder to you.

A kind of friend of mine is so busy she can't meet with me all of December!!

I wouldn’t take it personally, sequins, it’s such a busy time of year, my diary is chock full now until January so unfortunately if anyone wanted to get together and we’d left it this late to arrange something it just wouldn’t be doable!

You say a ‘kind of friend’ though, do you mean it’s not actually a friend? Cos I don’t think many people would be able to find time to meet someone who isn’t actually a genuine friend in December, it’s hard enough arranging to see true friends, acquaintances have no chance.

In addition to the excellent advice above about you making life worth living... once you've learned to love yourself as a complete unit and to be confident that you have worth and that your thoughts and opinions matter, gradually you'll find it easier to be around people.

How are you getting on OP?

Yes I do feel the same way. My life seems very similar, adult children and partners all very, very busy, no real friends, distant family. Living alone, no significant other. Just had to walk away from a friendship which was sapping my identity and self esteem.

I have no idea how things changed so quickly, a few years ago I was seeing family, had some friends and a purpose. I've tried groups but just felt even more left out as everyone seems have their own circle/clique/families and do not need to include anyone new. It's been quite hurtful a couple of times.

I'm ok, plenty of things I like to do, like my own company, usually busy....but something very important is missing. I miss conversation and having a good laugh. I face years of this and that is daunting to think of...unless something changes. Of course I have to change it, but I'm running out of ideas now.

So you are not alone, I think many know how your feel especially as the years roll on.

I am lucky that I have a close circle of friends but I am also a "joiner". I am always trying new evening classes and exercise classes etc. It's not always easy but I do push myself to speak to people and if there is a connected social event I always go. I have just joined a SOSA fitness class and most of the ladies are 50+. Look after yourself OP.

sequins thank you for your kind words. I too have lots to be grateful for, but I only see the negative, I must change my mindset. I hope you are feeling better. I have joined lots of groups, and trying to make friends from them.
wrongwayup I echo all you say re an image of strength and ability to cope. I’ve had to. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time too, I’m also going away, it will certainly help me by getting away.
santa that’s why I don’t look on social media, people only show the best bits. The monkey is quiet at the moment!

Apologies for the late response

windycity your comment made me think, it wouldn’t serve any purpose really.

sparkles If only learning to love yourself was as easy as loving someone else, it should be shouldn’t it? And loneliness is a physical pain indeed.

flowerpot2005 I am better thank you, I have kept myself very distracted this week.

That is good that your monkey is quiet just now@Itsallpointless .Sometimes , it is difficult, I know.
You do not have to have any one else to make you happy. It is a bonus if you do have some one in your life that makes you happy.
Just now , work on you !

Read some of the tales on here OP, lots of ladies putting on a very good front I’m sure in front of family — who would like to swap places with you, but don’t see a way out. This time of year heightens dissatisfaction and stuff I know

I feel the same op. But I do also realise that lots of my friends are stuck in really awful relationships. As was I once. And I was fucking lonely, although on the surface it didn’t look that way.

Do I want to be one of those people only together for the kids? No not really.

So I have made a choice, sadly that choice means for now I am on my own. But it won’t be forever.
You did something very brave getting out of a shitty relationship, people never really acknowledge how much of a brave thing it is to do. Mainly because most people aren’t brave enough to do it.

So know that this is just temporary. If you don’t want to be single you won’t have to be, but when you get together with someone else it will be because you’re stronger and not willing to settle.

This time of year is very hard, but it will be over soon.
And I agree about loving yourself! How come it’s so hard, but you are your own worst critic. We all are. So try and be kinder to yourself. It’s something I am trying. (Not very well!!!)

Have you thought about counselling to try and work through some of these feelings?

@Itsallpointless , how are you today ?