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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to know if he’s into you?

21 replies

ChloeLouisr · 02/12/2018 23:38

Hey guys,

I was Wondering if people wanted to share there tips, advice on guys and how you know if someone is in to you, what was tips and advice with figuring out if he’s into you?

I will start I recently have been seeing this guy and things turned up a Level and we slept together and he was saying like I was his kind of thing while in the act.

Do you guys think he is seeing a Relationship going further ?

What’s you guys stories and advice/ tips ?

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 02/12/2018 23:40

If he asks you to marry him he’s totes into you.

LuluBellaBlue · 02/12/2018 23:41

Him talking during sex saying your ‘his kind of thing’ has nothing to do with whether he sees a relationship between you!
The two are totally separate.

Feckers2018 · 02/12/2018 23:42

I know Im being old fashioned but why sleep with him and then wonder? Whatever he said in the moment I wouldn't take too seriously.

Original poster
ChloeLouisr · 02/12/2018 23:44

Sorry my fault he didn’t say I was kind of thing, he said I was his in like a claiming sort of way

OP posts:
Zulor · 02/12/2018 23:46

I wish I knew. I really wish I did. I'm taking a break from guys at the moment as I've been too busy trying to please dates, that I've neglected who I am and what I need.
That said,
I have a loooooooonng Whatsapp conversation with a guy last night.
The skinny on it is, he's a very eligible bachelor who goes to church, is financially stable etc.
I on the other hand am an utter headcase.
So the conversation was basically mulling over whether the two of us could ever be compatible (we've had two lovely dates).
So, while I'm commenting on this thread, I'm as lost as you are honey.

Justaboy · 02/12/2018 23:48

Zulor Oposites attract?.. Discuss;!

LemonTT · 02/12/2018 23:49

At the start the person makes firm dates to see you again and never leaves you hanging.

Will always catch your eye, be looking at you in a large group.

Notices everything about you

Compliments you in a very specific way, not just “you look great / fantastic “. More like “I love the curve of your cheek bone”.

You don’t feel the need for games or worry if he is into you.

You will be the first to hear any important news

Zulor · 02/12/2018 23:49

At one point in the conversation he asked me 'Do you think you could ever love me?'
Sucked in. Of course I could love him. He's everything I want on paper. There's attraction there, we get on well. But the real question is 'could he ever love me!' (which I didn't ask as I'm too chicken)

Zulor · 02/12/2018 23:54

And then, just to put me back in my box in case I was getting any notions, I haven't heard a word from him today and probably won't for a week.

Zulor · 03/12/2018 00:01

That's kindof a nice thing to say. Although, most people will see it as a red flag Shock. I get it though, it's almost like they want to possess you (same as marriage really on a more base level).
Just see how it goes.
And you can chat away here to me about how much you're into him if you like, as I've nothing better to be doing.

Sethis · 03/12/2018 00:05

How to know if he’s into you?

Ask him one question.

"Are you into me?"

Problem solved. Next?

P.S. Anything said during sex should be completely disregarded and forgotten once the sex is over. People say random shit when all their blood is pooling in their genitals instead of their brains.

VanGoghsDog · 03/12/2018 00:25

"I love the curve of your cheek bone"?? Seriously!?

LemonTT · 03/12/2018 00:31

Yes @VanGoghsDog seriously and sorry if you took such offence it compelled you to be nasty.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 03/12/2018 05:42

In my experience men most definately let you know when they are into you.
If youre having to ask then they are probably not but if youre unsure just ask him.
He will only say yes or no then you will know for sure.
A man stating that you are his is not a nice thing to say, at all, ever. Uness youre into role play set in 1870 or something.
And how on earth would ypu know if you could ever love someone. No one knows that until you love them. A man asking me that after 2 dates would put me off so fast.
I didnt get the curve of your cheekbone thing either. If im honest i would PMSL if a man said that to me; but maybe some women would think its cute and romantic.

maximumcarnage · 03/12/2018 05:51

Have to agree with Sethis. It’s always a source of amusement for me when women come up with these complex interpretations for male behaviour. We’re actually very straightforward. Just ask us. If anything we’d be very grateful to just cut to the chase.

Emma765 · 03/12/2018 05:58

If you have to ask the internet if he's in to you or not, he probably isn't, IMO.

KanielOutis · 03/12/2018 06:22

He takes you home to meet his family. He puts as much into the relationship as he takes out.

category12 · 03/12/2018 06:37

If anything we’d be very grateful to just cut to the chase

That's nonsense. Blokes are quite likely to be stunned and prevaricate, or lie, or say what they think you want to hear when put on the spot, and they can be game-players. Just because you're a man, doesn't mean you can speak for all men.

Sethis · 03/12/2018 07:18

@category12

How fast do you think I'd get accused of mansplaining or sexism if I repeated your post, but talking about women?

Of course we can't speak for all men, any more than you can speak for all women. Neither of us have claimed otherwise. However we do have a lot more experience of being a man than you do, and can freely share our opinion that actually, most men are as we described: Fairly straightforward in our thinking when it comes to whether we like a woman or not. We also generally prefer open, honest discussions to guessing games and reading into things when it comes to working out where we stand with our partners.

I'm sorry that you think the majority of men prevaricate and lie, and that this has been your experience. I feel equally sorry for men who think the majority of women do the same. Most people are actually just decent people doing their best.

If someone feels put on the spot by the question "Are you into me?" then the obvious thing to do would be to say something like "We don't have to talk about it right now, but I like to know that we're both on the same page when it comes to our relationship together, maybe we can talk about our plans the next time we have dinner?" so that the person has time to sort their brain out. Just make sure that you have something specific to say, or specific questions to ask, because nothing irritates us more than hand waving "What do you think about... us....?". I mean, how are you meant to answer that?

Just keep communication lines open, be honest, and if you want to know our opinion then ask for it.

VanGoghsDog · 03/12/2018 07:23

@ALittleBitConfused1

Exactly! I'd be in stitches if someone said something like that to me. Plus, it's only words it doesn't show someone is into you, it shows they know how to say words.

But, you're not allowed to simply question something (which I was quite clearly not 'offended' by), even with just one word, without being accused of being nasty.

category12 · 03/12/2018 08:35

I didn't say that all blokes or even most blokes lie, nor do I claim to speak for women.

And "we don't have to talk about that now" is very much prevarication Grin.

Chap was talking as "we" men. People should speak to their own experiences. Men are not more straightforward than women, we're equally complex and nuanced.

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