Anyone up? absolutely no support from dh. need a rant.

[swift1]

I think I just need to soound off, I'm so blooody pissed off.

We have a dd 3yrs and I am due with our second next week. Dh does not support me with various stuff and now I am feeling like Im the one who is turning into a nag and I hate it.

Examples..... he smokes, I gave up when pg with dd1. He has started smoking in the car when he takes it to work. He stands at the patio doors and smokes, which comes right back in - lovely when your having bfast. He does this even when its warm and sunny. We are converting the garage into a room - he smokes in there with the window open. Its not like it fuckin raining fgs! I ask him to stop but he just carries on, and makes me feel like I am overreacting cos Im an exsmoker.

We have had probs with dd sleeping at night since xmas. All sorts of probs - her getting out of bed and only falling asleep in ours, coming in and night and sleeping with us for the rest of the night, falling asleep on the couch, you know the usual. Wheneva I used to complain that it was alwaysme that had to get up to her he would say that he doesnt hear her and that if I wake him he would deal with it. So eventually I thought he;s right, im 6 mths pg, he an deal with it. So i began not gettin g up to her, and his way of dealing with it was to sit up in bed and let her in the middle , and go back to sleep.

I have spent months dealing with the various problems, and if I happen to go out one evening, we will be back to square 1 where she will sleep in our bed or he'll let her fall asleep on the couch.

He gives her coke and lemonade which I really dont want her to have. Infact, recently onholiday, she would say to him - lets have your coke - and he would just give it to her. He wouldnt even make her ask properly - let alone the fact that it was coke.

LAst night and this morning have been teh final straw. We picked him up from work and he gave her a fudge. No the end of the world I know, But dinner was ready for as soon as we got in, he didnt ask this, so she ate it and then didnt eat her dinner. Why cant he just wait 30 mins???

THen this morning she woke at 2,20 am, I put her back to bed, she came in again at 3 and 3.30. When she came in at 4 I woke dh and asked him to put her back to bed. When she came in again at 4.30 he let her into bed after crying - god how many times do I have to do this! Hence why I am p at this time.

IM so fucking angry I couldnt get back to sleep. Why do I feel like im the baddie? All I kkeeep thinking is i could have this aby tonight, and what the hell is gonna happen when im up all night whith a new baby and dd comes in. Im even thinking of not b/f so I he cant leave it all up to me. I hate him. sorry so long. I dont feel any better either!!

Oh Swift, I feel for you.

At bedtime tommorrow have a chat withh dd and explain that she can't come into mummy's bed as there isn't enough room for m, d and dd and mummy needs to be confortable enough to sleep as she's having a baby.
I'm not saying it'll work but it did for me with my DT (age 3.5) I was v. shocked as they are serial offenders and if I'd known that all I had to do was ask...
They still come in occasionally but will return to their bed if they are asked after a few minutes cuddle.

It's worth a try, if you sleep better everything else may seem more bearable.

As for dh, if you really feel all this needs to be tackled (it may be that you may not be so angry about his bad behaviour later) then I think you should maybe approach it in terms of; a lack of consistency in what parents say to children makes children unsure of what's expected of them and so can lead to gad behaviour. Hopefully then you can decide between you the way forward.

Hope this helps (and that you don't see this till 10am tomorrow because you're safely in the land of nod!

aw sweetie....you need to sit down and discuss things with him and try to get him to see sense. the smoking has got to go...with 1st July looming, cayou not cajole him into stopping then. i wouldn't be comfortable sharing a bedroom with baby if he smokes. the thing with your dd sounds a real nightmare, and not sure what to suggest, but he needs to be more supportive or will he expect you to deal with baby and dd in the night. tell him this would be a good time to get her to stay in bed as she can't be doing that when you are up feeding baby etc.

the coke thing imo is unacceptable. does he not realise that there are 20 teaspoons of sugar in a 330ml can. ask him whether he'd be happy for her to eat this much sugar. i've seen he damage that carbonated sugary drinks can do...both of my sis's kids had nearly all their teeth taken out before they were 5.

he's being unreasonable and you need to get him to see sense. he's not doing you or your new bub any favours at the moment asyou should be taking things easy for these few weeks.

come and talk to us over here on the june AN thread...if you're not on an AN thread already that is...

You poor thing, it must be so difficult having such little support from him, and contending with a 3yr old while you're so pregnant. Have you tried sitting him down and having a serious talk with him about it?

Like most women, anything I say casually during the day is construed as nagging (Yesterday for example when he was trying to balance on my brand new birth ball with his knees right in front of the TV with a cup of tea on the floor next to him. My objecting was purely to "spoil his fun")

But usually when I say "We need to talk" and sit down with him outlining the major problems, he does acknowledge what I'm saying is fair. And then if he still does the offending thing I don't have to go into the same rant, because with one look he knows exactly what I'm going to say! lol

I would say pick your battles carefully, perhaps some things you can let slide. What's most important to you, that he smokes thoughtlessly and you can smell it over breakfast, or getting DD in a proper sleep pattern? The lack of support with her nutrition, or the fact that he smokes in the car?

I think you need to separate all those bits and start one the one that's hacking you off the most first.

I do that smoking thing, standing outside and having a puff. But last week dd2 said 'Mummy, we can still smell it in here' and that was a huge wake up call for me.

H - particularly if we're on holiday or in some other situation where it's hard to get them to eat - will give them an ice cream at the most inappropriate time - ie just before they're supposed to eat.

Can you suggest he does supper one night, and when they don't eat it because they're too full up with rubbish, suggest he deals with it? Or is that a non-starter?