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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pregnant and DP walked out

12 replies

GreenDill · 02/12/2018 18:33

I’m 11+3 pregnant and everything seems to be blowing up in my face.

I already have 1 DD who’s 5. DP isn’t her dad, but we’ve had several loses over the years since we met.

Anyway fast forward to last week and DP went away with his friends for the weekend, which resulted in his friends posting videos on social media of women in the apartment with them not wearing very much. This obviously upset me and we’ve been having almighty rows since. We went for a scan at 11w and could see a healthy baby kicking and waving about. He’s since turned around and said he isn’t ready to be a father and doesn’t want me to continue with the pregnancy and has pretty much said that if I do “I’m already a single mum to 1, I can be a single mum to 2” Sad . He’s also implied because of all the other miscarriages he just assumed we wouldn’t make it this far into the pregnancy and wouldn’t of had to have this conversation. He’s told me I’m ruining his life and I haven’t heard from him in 2 days - honestly going out of my mind! The idea of doing it all on my own with 2 is quite frankly scaring the shit out of me. He knows I was never going to try for another DC if I’d be on my own, as I did it all with DD and I struggled mentally for the first 2 years of her life.

DD is so confused on where he is as he’s lived here for almost a year and suddenly hasn’t been home in a week.

Sorry for the rant but I don’t even feel ready to tell my family as I know they’ll all be so angry and disappointed in him too, and I’m not ready to listen to them but needed to speak to someone Sad. Arghhhhhh

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/12/2018 18:36

Ah. He sounds like a bit of a twat, I'm afraid.

Is there anyone you can talk to reasonably and know that they'd try their best to not slag him off yet, if that's what you need?

I'm sorry this has happened Thanks

SandyY2K · 02/12/2018 18:37

With that attitude you're better off without him. He was looking for a reason to leave.

Decide if you want the baby...but whether you continue with the pregnancy or not... I'd be done with this man. He's not very nice at all.

ThePinkOcelot · 02/12/2018 18:45

What an absolute arse hole. Why couldn’t he have had this conversation before?! So he was actually hoping it would end up in another loss?!

You need to think about yourself OP and about what YOU want. If YOU want to terminate for YOU then consider it. He’s totally out of the equation now.

Good luck xx

MyKingdomForBrie · 02/12/2018 18:49

He sounds like a hideous human being. Has he form for being a prick?

I'm so sorry things have ended up this way. You need to do the right thing for you and for dd, whatever that is, I would certainly say he's shown his true colours and is not a man I'd want to be in a relationship with.

Grobag369 · 02/12/2018 19:29

Yes what do YOU want to do. This is tough x

MadeForThis · 02/12/2018 19:32

What a wanker. I can't see how you could ever come back from this.

I assume he got up to something at the party and has decided that you have trapped him. He needs to turn you into the enemy to excuse his behaviour.

I'm so sorry. Don't rush into any decisions but you need to talk to someone you trust in real life.

Original poster
GreenDill · 02/12/2018 21:00

Thank you for all your lovely responses!

The one friend I did speak to about it just said “he’ll be back unless he meets someone else before you have baby” which just hurt even more.

Thing is, he’s been brilliant from the beginning. He hasn’t ever acted like a prick before now which is why I’m so shocked I think. He’s always been amazing with DD and sort of “infiltrated” our family unit quite early on, so it’s all we’ve known for almost 3 years. When he wasn’t living here, he would still be here almost every evening.

At this stage with all the previous losses (miscarriage and a TFMR) I personally couldn’t consider an abortion as I know the baby’s healthy - it’s just a situation I didn’t see myself being in.

I definitely think he was up to no good when he was away, but he of course denied that until he was blue in the face.

It’s just such an emotional time, I don’t know how on earth I’ll move on when I’m having his child. I can’t believe he’s done this to us all! He’s now messaged to tell me to “get rid” and blocked me on everything!

He’s such a prick.

OP posts:
Toomuchworking · 02/12/2018 21:58

So he's been using your miscarriages as his contraception and allowing you the trauma of that, and your hope that you will have a baby together. I'm so angry for you, you need to leave him. I know that's terrifying but from what you've said he's an evil fucker. He's been having unprotected sex pretending he wanted a baby with you, and now says, "It's all up to you love, I want you to terminate. Either way I'm not going to be his/her dad", as if you tricked him into it??
He sounds like he's shit himself and needs to grow up, parent his child and leave you alone to find someone with a heart.

Toomuchworking · 02/12/2018 21:59

Think this strikes a chord with me as I'm 11 weeks pregnant and want to kill him.

Maelstrop · 02/12/2018 22:07

So if you terminate, he'll come back and everything will be rosy, not? You'd never forgive him.

Why would his mate post those pictures? What a twat.

Cawfee · 02/12/2018 22:30

Wow. He’s disgusting. I’m honestly shocked by his behaviour. Don’t rush into any decision. It’s not up to him to decide that you should get rid. What an awful thing to say. Have you got good support around you?

SandyY2K · 02/12/2018 22:36

I suggest you also block him and focus on your pregnancy and your DD.

Don't be the fall back girl... you know he's been up to no good.

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