Am i going nuts? Is he better off? Or am i?

[user1489269570]

I dont know myself anymore.....i need to talk to someone about pretty much everything. With no judging, i can't talk to anyone.

Whatever happens he needs to support his kids with you.

No judging from me

What support do you have OP?

Any family or friends ?

When we argue he shouts, to the point of almost making my ear drums rattle and makes me cringe. He has woken up the kids a few times from it. Now...the last Arguement we had was a few days ago, sorry for the tmi, but we were having foreplay and then becasue i had to stop sucking his penis because of my tooth and gum,sprry probably sounds petty but i didnt even want to eat dinner because of it (i have a fear of dentists as well lol) so anyway...he got annoyed and then started shouting again about my mum and brothers. I asked him to please calm down as he was going to wake up the child but he didn't listen and then woke up his 2 year old up. (My fam that i have in england and 1 bro in nz are against me getting back with him)so anyway i ended up locking him out.( I got scared, i thought oh great this again, and had flash backs of him constantly being at me which was another argument like when my 2 year old was less than a year old i think... he wouldnt leave me alone, called me a c*nt also. He took my phone off of me and my brother rang and because he couldnt end the call he quickly gave me it back,I cant remember what it was about that it got so bad but probably had something to do with my paranoia,excusing him of cheating 😣) anyway He was drinking also he left about less than a quarter of jim beam that night 750cl or whichever it is. But he claims it had nothing to do with the drink, i ended up letting him back in as felt bad as he bought new bedding for us, he was making an effort, bought clothes for his new baby girl, truck for 2 year old, tub of chocolates for all of us, and a glass for me that said sweetest thing,he made a hot chocolate for me in it, was actully quite sweet he also calmed down as he went out to the shop to cool down. But it went abit wrong.

That is just 1 recent example...

He doesn’t nice at all.
No wonder your family didn’t want you to get back with him.

Wtf ? A box of chocolates does not make up for calling you a cnut .... you should put his stuff in bin bags like now

Hes thrown his takeaway food tjat u bought for him at me,first his kebab..told me to shove it up my arse, then he grabbed his chips and chucked at me also and they went all over the place..just after i finished tidying up after the kids were asleep and finished making a mess 😂 i had my 1 and half with me whilst i was tidying up and he tried to eat the chips from the floor, i was also about a month before i gave birth to my recent buba. He told me to shove it in my ass because i said shouldn't of bothered getting a takeaway..as we fell out just before it arrived, so he wasnt going to eat..that's why i said that. And why did we fall out??....i cant remember but high chance of it being my paranoia but im Not sure....

He sounds awful.

Nobody deserves to be spoken to like that regardless of their actions. Has he actually cheated on you? Or started seeing you by cheating on someone else? If he has form for being a cheat then you’re not being paranoid for expecting it might happen again.

Getting shitty with you because you stop giving him head because it hurts you is the lowest of the low.

Please don’t put up with this awful specimen of a man just so that you don’t have to be a single mum again. No man is worth putting yourself through this shit for, least of all one like him.

I’m sure you’d find your anxiety would be better if you didn’t have him around making you feel terrible about yourself.

It's not you.

You may well be paranoid, you may well be insecure, jealous, any multitude of these things, but it DOES NOT EXCUSE THIS BEHAVIOUR from him.

You need to run, far away with your babies. Please seek some real life fe help OP.

Sorry op but you need to think of the children, behaving lie that is unacceptable and you don't want the children to copy his tantrums!

What confuses me is...he says i am effecting his health,his mental health, and his well-being....maybe i am. Locking him out because he shouts at me and calls me names and wakes the kids..when he has had no where to go? He says i lock him out for no reason. We had an argument when he was at work, i was afraid what he was going to be like,so i took all his stuff and put it in between the front door and then the second door and i locked the second door so he couldnt get it in...so he arrives and then asks me to open i said no he didnt have a phone at the time either as he then laid there for 2 hours before breaking the door apart and got in, he left me alone and went to sleep in the lounge. He said he was ill when he was downstairs, but i still didnt let him in he then ends up asking for my help as he couldnt stop throwing up, felt his head, and he was ill then an ambulance turned up and she said he has got septis and pneumonia and then he went to hospital, he then asked me will i pick him up from the hospital when he is done, i was hmming and hrrring as i would have to get the 4 kids dressed early morning, when he could just catch a cab,the hospital is like a 5 min drive, less if there is no traffic.
I didmt pick him up in the end and he got a cab back.
So...thats one thing thats bad of me...the other thing is...
I got a phone call from him saying i got to go to the hospital as he has cut his leg open as he jumped over a little wall,and he thought he could see bone....my reply was oh no really?...who were u trying to impress? So yet again i wasnt really there for him again.

With regards to nowhere to go, he has a mate that he stayed with for abit when him and his ex wife split up, and then he has got his mates sisters...but apparently he is no longer allowed to stay at his mates as he has now burnt bridges with the mother of the freind as he keeps coming back to me.....

You must be exhausted. Exhausted and miserable. You have my sympathy, and it makes little difference how many kids you have or by how many fathers. The only thing I would say is having that many kids must really hard work. I hope that your getting support for that and you’re not having to do it all yourself.

It sounds like you’re in a pretty bad place. If posting about your experiences here helps, please keep posting. Though frankly I think you need a holiday!

Your partner doesn’t sound very nice to be honest. He doesn’t sound good for you or your children. I’d be asking myself if this is a good environment to raise your kids. I’d be asking do I want to be dealing with this the rest of my life? I know you’re not in an easy position and it might feel like climbing a mountain. But you don’t have to put up with this. You do have a choice.

Really hope things get better for you. There’s some very good people here who will be able to give you very good advice. Best of luck.

Obviously from his POV being locked out of his house must have been annoying, and I can see why that wound him up, but he broke the door down?! That must have been terrifying for you and the DCs . That along with throwing things at you (maybe that time it was just food, but it will be whatever he has to hand next time).

Is it your name on the house or does he jointly own/rent it? I think your first step needs to be at least a break from him. If you think he will object then frame it as a break for him, as apparently you affect his mental health. Then once he is out you can think clearly.

I feel like yes, you have your issues, paranoia etc which might make life difficult for a partner but that does NOT excuse his aggression, and gifts do not make up for it.

You have a lot on your plate with the children - focus on them, leave this man and lean on professional support and friends and family instead, get rid of that dead weight of anxiety over his behaviour (im sure you work on eggshells).

Your partner sounds awful with regards to the examples you gave. You are still very young...I say this because my son is your age...I'm not being patronising. It matters not one jot whether you have different children from different fathers. For some of us, life isn't straightforward at all. I think people who meet, marry and have children, sail through life with one partner are extremely lucky. But there are so many of us out there who have gone from one relationship to another and been unlucky in love. I have 2 from different fathers - had my first when I was just shy of 20 years old, my second in my mid-30s. It was harder in my 20s than my 30s as I was suffering from MH issues which I've managed to work through.

It's easier said than done and it takes a lot of courage, but you would be better off leaving this man. The relationship doesn't sound healthy at all. I'd take the time focusing on you and your children giving space from having another relationship.. I know for some that sounds like a scary prospect, but believe me it is the best thing to do. You still have your life ahead of you to meet someone in the future when you are feeling in a better place.