So angry. Please can I ask for a handhold?

[BurningStove]

Need to keep details vague as it’s involves a court case but recently my ex husband broke into my house while I was asleep and attacked me. This is a man who emotionally abused me and cheated on me throughout our marriage and made my life hell when I left him. I have to go to court to give evidence as he pleaded not guilty (he insists he’s done nothing wrong).

I’ve found out that he’s been telling people that HE was a victim of domestic violence at my hands and that since being charged he is telling everyone he’s been diagnosed with depression. I had a feeling he would come up with something like this as a mitigating factor. He didn’t have depression when we were married but now he does apparently and he is posting defiant statements across his social media about how he is conquering suicidal thoughts and he is making veiled references to me and how I’ve ruined his life. His loyal army of followers are of course supporting him and making it be known that he has done nothing wrong. I, on the other hand, am being made out to be some sort of psychopath. I am furious. For context, this is a man who laughed when my father took his own life and who had no empathy whatsoever. He said men with mental health problems are weak and ‘not real men.’ I am raging right now, he is making a mockery of people who genuinely do have MH issues.

Why can’t he just put his hands up and admit he behaved badly? I feel like I’M the one who has villain in all this and it seems so unfair. I can’t sleep as I am so upset. I suspect if he’s pulling the mental health card he’ll get off in court, this is all so stressful. Not sure why I’m posting but I need to rant. Thank you for reading.

Urgh. He sounds a peach.

The best thing is to detach from the situation emotionally. Block him on social media, don’t engage. It’s difficult but for your sanity don’t keep fuelling your fire.

Don’t take the replies on his post to heart. I’ve seen a few nasty break ups played out on social media. Most reasonable people will know there are two sides to a story. Anyone aggrieved on his behalf - you don’t need in your life.

When I see these posts I usually think - classy move, pathetic & I can see why their partner left.

Keep dealing with police, solicitors & courts to keep yourself safe & keep him out of your life.

I think a lot of abusers pull the MH card when faced with courts/police action. Thankfully, Judges, Police & health professionals know the difference between being a total dick and being ill.

Depression doesn’t give you a green light for abuse.

reflexella thank you so much for replying, what you have written is hugely helpful.

He’s blocked on all my social media but it was one of my friends who saw his posts and told me. I’ve asked her not to relay any more information as i can’t handle the stress of all of this.

It’s reassuring to know that abusers pull the MH card when faced with court/the police. I just hope they see through him.

Yep good. Don’t allow stirring even if well intentioned. Hand 🤚 up & ‘I don’t want to talk about him’.

Yes they truly do. I’m in one of these professions & we see it all the time.

Ignore, block, no reaction, grey rock - it’s the only way to finish this situation with your sanity intact.

Best of luck

Good luck

Ugh he sounds like a horrendous human being. What a sad excuse for a man. Well done for finding the strength to leave. You know who you are and that it's all lies, and the people on both sides deep down will know the truth. The ones that take his side are the ones that you do not want in your life. I hope karma has its way with him and that you both get exactly what you deserve - good things for you and not so much for him!

The police and the judge aren’t daft, they know full well, and have heard every excuse in the book from low level scum bags like your exh. They won’t entertain excuses such as depression or mental health illnesses, and will be fully aware of how convenient the timing of these are. There are plenty of people who have a MH illness that don’t go around attacking other people.

As others have said, try and block and remove yourself from the gossip. Plenty of people will ‘like’ it reply to a post but think it’s bollocks anyway. Most intelligent people realise there’s two sides to every story and the one happy to plaster it all over SM are usually the guilty party. If they are daft enough to believe him you don’t need them as friends .

He sounds like a narcissistic sociopath but clearly not very intelligent so shouldnt be to difficult to out smart
grey rock/disengage, dont feed him at all or react in an emotional way to him

I am furious
then you are playing into his hands, your anger makes him feel powerful, he is not worth your time or mental energy, he is nothing, ignore him

Sounds like you've been through a horribly traumatic time at the hands of this man.. I've every faith that the court will see through him especially if you get the chance to give them the information you have written above.. good luck.. hope whatever way the case goes you can find the strength to close that chapter of your life down & move on.. because he really isn't worth anymore of your emotions

Thank you so much for the replies, they have all made me quite teary. The support means a lot.

I have calmed down since my early morning rant and am going to do what everyone on here has suggested and that is not to give him anymore headspace.

wordthe you are so right, I can’t allow him to have that power over me

I am terrified about being cross examined in court but I need to see this through. It’s the waiting that’s horrible. I cannot wait for this all to be over.

Why can’t he just put his hands up and admit he behaved badly
we could ask the same question of Donald Trump!
A narcissist will never admit they are wrong, they have to maintain the facade that he is the good guy, the victim.
You hope that he will behave like a decent person he wont, he will just take the piss, over the long term he will reap what he sows with his life of lies and chaos.
He cant escape from all this shit because it flows out of him.

You can and you will be free of all this