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Relationships

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Original poster

Dating question. Is this a red flag?

14 replies

AmaryllisLeaf · 01/12/2018 19:30

On Thursday night I went on a date with a guy I met on tinder. We are both 33. He’s been single for three years since splitting up with his last girlfriend (together 3 years).

I really enjoyed the date but he did mention his ex a few times, unprompted. He said he really doesn’t like her as a person and he seemed quite bitter about her, despite the fact that he said he had ended the relationship. I’m just wondering if this is something to be wary of? I’m indifferent to all my exes as I’m over them plus l never discuss past relationships on first dates (or ever really unless someone specifically asks).

He said he wants to see me again and he’s been in contact a lot but he hasn’t set up a second date. He did text me at 3am this morning (when drunk) though asking when I’m free as he would like to see me but then followed up when he was sober apologising for sending drunken texts.

Does this sound like I could be wasting my time? I’m a bit out of the game so could do with some perspective please. I’m speaking to a couple of other men that I’ve met on Bumble and I’ve got another date lined up next week with someone else so I’m not pinning all my hopes on this one guy.

OP posts:

VixenSixen · 01/12/2018 19:45

It does sound to me like he was perhaps not over his ex - which is interesting as it has been 3 years which is a pretty long time....... For me a first date should be fun and all talk of exs should really not be a topic of conversation.

You could always arrange a second date and see how that goes...... Maybe he is a bit out of practice too. I would also communicate that to him if he brings her up again - with a light-hearted comment like, that's all in the past now anyway and change conversation quickly. Hoping he gets the hint from that so you don't have to spell it out for him.

A man speaking badly of his ex suggests he has been quite hurt and not quite let go yet. Proceed with caution x

VeryQuaintIrene · 01/12/2018 19:49

Slagging off ex on first date and sending drunken texts? Doesn't sound like he has a lot of self-awareness, to say the least. I'd be cautious.

carrotflinger · 01/12/2018 20:12

I'd be more bothered about the drunken texts.
Not a good start. I'd be wondering if he had an alcohol problem.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/12/2018 20:20

He still talks unprompted about an ex from THREE years ago and he's sending you drunken texts like a total bellend.

Red flags are waving high and bright.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 01/12/2018 21:26

The drunken text wouldn't bother me as we've all done it. Id arrange a second date and if he mentions the ex again I'd leave it at that

Didsomeonesaybunny · 01/12/2018 21:34

Run for the hills! My ex harped on about his ex wife and gf he dumped a few years ago and said some terrible things about them. He turned out to be the most vile human I’ve ever encountered.

Djnoun · 01/12/2018 22:04

Bitching about exes is always a red flag.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 01/12/2018 22:08

I would also be pissed off at the 3am booty call.

ChristmasFluff · 01/12/2018 22:31

So the thing with dating - don't think of it so much as 'looking for red flags', as 'looking for someone I want as a life partner' (or FWB, or fling, or whatever).

Now I can't see how this bloke would fulfill the basics for any of these relationships - but that's just me. What do you think, OP?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 01/12/2018 22:42

Run for the hills. At the very least because it's really boring listening to him talking about his ex and at worst it's a very red flag!!!

shesaysgoes · 02/12/2018 09:43

@Didsomeonesaybunny

Oh my, you have just described my recent ex.

He was extremely bitter against his ex wife, his ex girlfriend ( also a bunny) was a complete lunatic apparently.....two years on and having formed a friendship with his ex w have i realised he is a lying, cheating, narcissistic bastard!

Meganc559 · 02/12/2018 09:46

Sounds like he might still be hooked on his ex and wants to convince himself he's over her.
I never had an success on tinder, most the guys on there just want sex

Brimstonenotfire · 02/12/2018 09:47

Nooooooooo

Drunken silly texts to someone you barely know and should be trying to impress. Not good

Slagging off any ex on a first date let alone mentioning her three times and being nasty about her when it’s been three years. No no no

He sounds bad news. Do not pursue this. Seriously.

CrossedToTheDarkSide · 02/12/2018 09:54

This would be a red flag to me! I’ve dated guys who have described their burning hatred for their exes and all I can think about is “if we break up, that’s how you’ll talk about me”. I am always very doubtful that these women actually ALL did horrendous things in order to warrant being hated so I think it speaks far more about the guy who holds on to this level of bitterness and anger when the woman has probably long since moved on! It would make me wary, especially on a first date and unprompted!!

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