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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No Contact, childhood sexual abuse, need to keep strong Trigger

6 replies

StillNumb · 01/12/2018 19:27

I've posted previously under a couple of different names about my childhood/teenage sexual abuse by my father. He died earlier this year and I did not attend his funeral,

Can't fully remember what I have posted before without checking back, but the caatlyst for this for me was last Christmas/New Year when I had to look after my father whilst mother in hospital. During that time there was an incident where he tried to batter the door down and made threats. He was an old man in his 80's but it all came flooding back. Because of this I decided that I had to tell by brother and his wife about what had happend to me (my others brothers had previously been told). I didn't want to tell this brother as I knew he wouldn't react well.

Told brother, he was shocked but supportive etc. Then a few months later my mother told me that brother and his family were moving into the parents house as they needed help. This is when I flipped... I was so upset at brother, SIL and mother agreeing to do this and move his family with daughters into that house. My mother didn't think it was an issue, he was an old man, only had one eye, etc etc, I needed to forget about it! My brother said I was doing it to cause trouble

My father died in the summer. My mother and brother gave him a funeral fit for a king, to save face in the area where they live. This upset me a lot. Since then, my brother and his family have moved in with mother and she has come to an arrangement whereby my brother will live in her house and inherit it. I know that this is a contenious issue on MN, and I truly belive that no one has the right to inherit. However I am so upset that my mother has taken this decision to favour one of her children and dismiss the rest. My brother thinks that this is right btw.

My mother lived with a horrible abusive and controlling bastard, and after his death has taken/or been manipulated to take the decision to hand over control of her life to my brother and his wife.

I get on well with my other brothers and they have been supportive. However, was talking to my eldest brother today and he said that he had a couple of conversations with my mother and she ended them in tears saying she was upset that I didn't contact her (I have blocked her) and was confused as to why StillNumb had done this. My brother thought perhaps I owed her a phone call! I told him straight that's not going to happen and as far as I am concerned she knows exactly what's the issue.

The hiding the head in the sand of sexual abuse whilst I was a kid is hard to deal with, but I am so bloody upset that she has handed her house over to my brother. I never expected anything, you never know what's going to happen, if she needed to move, have care etc. It guts me that she knows I have suffered and has done this.

Apologies for going on, but wanted to get it off my chest. I know I am better off without them and have made the right decision. Just set a little off keel today my older brother. As I said, I told him it's not going to happen and he acknowledged that.

OP posts:
ColdAndSad · 01/12/2018 19:59

It's so horrible and so difficult. There is no way to explain or justify any of it. All you can do is live the best life you can despite all of the abuse that you've been subject to, and all the unfairness. Your family has to live with the decisions they've made. Step ahead of it all. Wipe the dust off your feet and be better than them.

Sorry if I sound pretentious. But I really mean it. Do all you can to be as whole as you can be, and leave them to their own dysfunctions. Keep your chin up. You can do this.

StillNumb · 01/12/2018 20:18

Thak you ColdAndSad I know all of that, but it is nice to have some reaffirmation sometimes . You don't sound pretentious, very grounded xx

OP posts:
bunnyup · 01/12/2018 20:53

What an incredibly strong and brave woman you are. You are so much better off without those toxic people in your life. I hope you can find peace in your life and be proud and glad you are not weak like your mother who has showed you again who she truly is. Take care of yourself Thanks

StillNumb · 02/12/2018 08:58

Thank you bunnyup, but I really am not. At the moment I feel angry and vengeful. I know that I am best off without this toxic bunch in my life and happy with the decision I have made and won't be changing it.

I think upsets me is that my mother failed to do the right thing for me when I was a child on several occasions, and now what she has done feels like a slap in the face. My brother has openly spoken about how he think he deserves his 'inheritance' - my parents house - and has been ruthless about getting his way, so much so that he was prepared to move his family in whilst my father was still there. I also think that I deserve compensation for the horrors I had to endure. However, I know that the best thing to do is to live my life the best I can. I don't need their money, and I wouldn't want to live in that toxic household.

OP posts:
CodeOrange · 02/12/2018 10:39

So sorry for what you went through and how they are continuing to make you feel.

I, too, get stuck in a loop of rage sometimes when I think how I've been treated by my family. I think it's part of a kind of grief process when you realise you don't have a loving family.

StillNumb · 02/12/2018 15:36

Thanks CodeOrange. Sorry that you have also gone through a bad time with your family. I know exactly what you mean though. I don't get the rage very often, but every now and again it roars up and bites you! I was just a bit thrown when my nice brother passed on a message. I've told him not to do it again and he said he won't.

OP posts:
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