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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Two under two relationship help

10 replies

Jas1994 · 01/12/2018 18:18

Hello, I have two babies two under two. It's hard work most days but I love them so much... since having two under two my other half has been very stressed. Mostly because of the things that have happened this year. this year we lost our home, had to rehome our two dogs, lost the car and trust with some family members. The only good thing this year, was having my four month old. He also lost the job he loved.. So we ended up staying a few weeks at his mum's while we sorted our life out. we've now found somewhere, and we are picking ourselves back up in our home but we are on universal credits, so my partner has a strict find a job routine. The problem is no jobs are coming up. it's getting him down he keeps saying he has no purpose, and is really miserable. We constantly get into arguments, he says mean things, and then says he doesn't mean them. it's a reflection on him, but I can't help but feel he does mean the things he says. Most days I dread the moods he will be in, my one year old picks up on it. I have a 4 month old who I'm breastfeeding who is now sensing my moods. I'm getting very down, when I tell him this he says I'm being unsurportive. I'm very lost in it all. He then says this is who he is now. I know he is depressed I keep asking him to see a doctor, but he says I'm putting the responsibility onto somone else. I'm not being a supportive parther. I'm honestly trying my best, but he is making it impossible. When I say the positives. I'm wrong. When I'm negative I'm wrong. I don't know what to do. I love him so much he says he loves me, andwhen he is in a better mood I forgive him, and then he is triggered again and he instantly goes back to being mean again it's a repeat cycle. He keeps saying he feels useless in the family now being on universal credits not supporting his family. But he isn't useless he is a good dad. Just not a good partner at the moment I'm venting fast and sad I'm currently feeding little one in bed while he is watching t.v after another bad mood!

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 01/12/2018 18:30

Male Pride? He feels he isn't providing for you all? Thing is, only he can deal with this himself and he's wrong for picking on you. Personally I'd get tough with him and tell him that you understand how he's feeling, but he needs to stop this shit or else he has to leave because you won't accept this behaviour from him which is affecting your kids.

Jas1994 · 01/12/2018 18:36

I've said he must try and be nicer, and he says he is trying... But it hasn't hard enough. He really is getting me down. It's making me very sad. I've said before leave if you don't wanna be hear! And he says he does and I'm not being supportive saying stuff like that! Sad

OP posts:
mumto2babyboys · 01/12/2018 18:42

It sounds like he has massively let you down.

McDonald's are always recruiting surely he could work there and keep applying for job and support his family

Jas1994 · 01/12/2018 18:50

He can't get a job at mcDonalds because he has tattoos he has honestly applied for so many jobs still is but it's a real struggle in such a tiny town Sad

OP posts:
flamingnoravera · 01/12/2018 19:03

Mc Donald's policy on tatoos: "Visible tattoos are allowed as long as they are not considered offensive"

Surfskatefamily · 01/12/2018 19:12

It is down to him to pick himself up you have enough on your plate so tell him to grow up. I have been in this position albeit with 1 baby. The moods and 'woe is me' attitude.
I seriously threatened to separate. Sorted out a bedsit for him to move into with a date 4 weeks away and the deal was, change of attitude by a week before or else we need a break.
I was not kidding, if he didnt turn it around we did need to live separatly at least for a little bit to reset.
I know being jobless sucks, and can make a head of the household husband feel worthless. However, if he is doing his best then thats all he can do so tell him he mustnt make things harder for you

Surfskatefamily · 01/12/2018 19:15

We live in a seaside town so jobs are a pain. Seasonal a lot of them. Same thing every bloody year. I sympathise.
If you think it would help just getting him out the house, the jobcentre can normally get you free training courses. Might help secure a job too.
Either that or do a bit of volunteering. Feel more like achieving something

mumto2babyboys · 01/12/2018 19:47

Unless he has facial tattoos I thought anyone could work at McDonald's

mumto2babyboys · 01/12/2018 19:48

Or kfc or any of the other drive through places. Actually have eaten at McDonald's recently although not a regular visitor and several of the staff has visible tattoos

Has he lied to you then!

mumto2babyboys · 01/12/2018 19:52

Surely a bus fare and a full time job are better than claiming universal credits.

Are you educated or solely relying on him? He sounds very lazy

You I have sympathy for, him no way he should be out working and providing for his family and it doesn't sound like he would take care of your kids whilst you worked full time

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