Was I cruel to end it

[user1470296287]

Hi,
I’ve been in a relationship for 9 months and it’s been good on most levels, he has been really kind and generous and always bought me lovely flowers, meals out a weekend away and always txt morning noon and night when we weren’t together.
But the sex was really unsatisfying and very wam bam thankyou mam style. He was very inexperienced as had been with only one woman for the last 30 + years. The result has made me feel more and more like something was missing from the relationship and it’s got so unexciting that I have been making excuses not to see him when we have made plans and dread the sex when we are together.
I’m mature enough to know this is wrong so early on in a new relationship. He is also a gropper and has always got his hand down my top when we are relaxing, I didn’t like it and I think he thought this was normal.
I finished it with him today and just said my feelings have changed and I want to be alone and was very gentle and not brutal at all but I feel so guilty about hurting him as he can’t understand why I would end it.
I just need some reassurance really I’m not a horrible person.

Not horrible. Very sensible. He is so thoughtless he couldn't tell didn't care that you weren't into what he's doing physically. It should have been obvious so screw he can’t understand why I would end it that's proof you were right to end it.

Men who think sex is something they do to a woman rather than with a woman are misogynists at heart so aren't worth keeping.

Exactly what CottonTailRabbit said. Honest to god, what kind of men are around now that they can shove a hand down their girlfriend's top and have a good grope, without noticing that she isn't exactly enjoying it?

No, it's not cruel to end a relationship that isn't working for you.

There are cruel ways to end a relationship, and you didn't do any of those. You've nothing to feel guilty about.

His hands down your top ... eurgh.... best to end that.

I dated a groper, it's hideous. The final straw came when he grabbed my crotch in public.

They aren't very nice men and well rid

It's never cruel to end a relationship you are not happy in. It is crueller to stay with someone and deprive them of the chance of being with the person who is right for them. You have done him a great kindness. Now have some lovely wine to celebrate.

I suppose you could maybe have taken the time and patience to show him better ways... But did it, why should you have to fix him? You went with your instincts and I think you were right to do so. Of course you feel rotten about it now but in the long run you will be glad.

That should say... But sod it - why should you...

Shame you couldn't have said about the groping and sex issues when you broke up with him as it might have helped the next woman in his life.

Don’t blame you at all but if he pushes you for a reason I think you should tell him too especially re the groping while relaxing. Can’t think of anything worse.

Thankyou for your replies you have helped me see it more clearly

Groping is not nice and does devalue you a bit, also dick pics really didn’t do it for me either, I suppose we were very incompatible sexually and I’m feeling relieved and guilty at the same time.

I’m post menopause and thought I had lost all urge and feeling in that department and the problem was me being frigid but I now understand it was that we were just not matched in the bedroom at all
Thanks again ladies

I’m having a bit of a wobble,
Having told both my DC today that I have finished with BF yesterday they are quite upset and disappointed as they thought we were very well matched and he made me happy. I can’t very well tell them that he groped me and we weren’t sexually compatible 😬they are both adults but I don’t think they would appreciate that info.
I’m thinking maybe I have been a bit hasty with my decision without maybe talking about the problem between us, but I don’t feel I want to go back.
Don’t know what I’m asking really but the replies yesterday boosted me up and helped to justify making the decision to end it.

Nothing has changed since yesterday, he'll still be a rotten shag who doesn't respect your personal boundaries. No need to rethink because other people thought he made you happy, when he didn't.

Other people are often keen to see people in a relationship but only you know what it was actually like for you xx

You weren't hasty. Tell your children you understand they're disappointed but that only the person who's in the relationship knows if it's right for them. They may need to know this for their own relationships.

You will still dread the sex even if you get back with him. What would be the point in that?

I suspect their reactions would have been different if you had shared the stuff about groping and bad sex. I'm not suggesting you do tell them, but they're saying what they're saying without the full story.

“they thought we were very well matched and he made me happy”

He didn’t, is what you answer. And if they keep asking why, you can remind them you don’t speak to them like that when they end a relationship so why are they being so unsupportive and intrusive?

No you were not cruel. To carry on would've cruel if you knew you weren't compatible. Am sure your children just want you to be happy, but in the kindest way they weren't on the receiving end of his groping and their opinion on whether you are right or not is not warranted in this case.

If the children shut up about it now, fine.

If they keep going on about it say "Look, I didn't want to have to tell you this but he and I were not compatible sexually long pause Can we please never speak of this again?"