Break up back to the beginning

[Fcukupagain]

So a bit of background , was in a relationship 15 mths ago , for 5 yrs we lived together , i have 3 dc he also had 2 , was rocky some of the time but essentially an amazing relationship , the last 2 years leading to the break up had been very traumatic , his father became ill , we had problems with dc a lot ! Step families are very difficult ! I became very very un well ive since been diagnosed with eupd , depression and anxiety , i had 2 breakdowns if you like , i was hospitilized twice after the initial break up , the break up was brutal messy and very much faults on both parts mine more than his perhaps , i did not or was unable to support him when his father passed fastforward to the end he began an EA it fell apart and that was that , in the 15 mths that followed it took me every bit of strength to rebuild , i got my own home new jobs , new friends , dated a lot 🙈 and life was on the up ! , however we got in contact 12 weeks ago , after little or no contact and began a whirlwind romance in want of a better phrase !! , hot sex , weekends away , messaging like teenagers , lavish gifts until last weekend very abruptly he decided to end it again , he has since blocked me on everything and im completley crushed and feel back to square one , how did i let this happen ! Needing advice and a handhold or slap

You jumped back in because you were lonely, bored, enjoyed the attention, you were swept away. It wasn't meant to be because of the past, he finished it before you had a chance to. It's awful and you're probably shock he severed it in this way but truthfully, where was it all going anyway?

Brutal but honest ! I can completley see that , its just the conversations , declarations of love future planning , being around each other again , for me i genuinely did see a future possibly ??

Isn't this what the call 'future faking'?

I have no idea , hence asking for advice etc ?? Im at a complete loss we talked a lot about what had happened , why , when , up until monday off this week when , he was still i love you despite ending it the previous weekend , i think about you constantly , your the women for me i miss our family , his only one message that reviled anything was that he didnt think other people could cope with it ? Which i understand but im not living a half ass life waiting on a 45yr old man too be brave enough to tell mummy how he feels ? And then nothing i refused to be in some bizzare message limbo with him then block , my mental health is under control im not overly emotional irrational , we were not talking about moving too fast , no moving in together crap , i wouldnt have done that to my dcs again , he acted cold as ice and dissapered ? I shouldnt be shattered but i am , all the old doubts have re surfaced is it all me ? I have been very lucky too recieve trauma counselling this last year for very past events , i was in a good place, im looking for closure i guess and some kind of reasoning ??

He reinitated contact , not blaming just stating fact which obviousley i engaged in stupid me !