Turning into a bitter old witch and I want it to stop

[Clutterfreeintraining]

I fell out with my father last year after he left our side of the family out of a big family celebration with my SM.
When I called to ask him why we hadn't been included, he responded angrily and basically told me because neither of my dsis had been in touch to say they were upset about it, it must be me being unreasonable.
18 months later and there has been no contact from him.
One of my dsis brings him up in conversation often and I'm finding it really hard to listen to her tell me about her visits or plans to go and visit for Christmas etc.

Yesterday, while dsis was at my house, I said how upset I am about it all and how sad I am that he hasn't made an attempt to try and fix things. She got upset with me, made excuses for him and left. I messaged her to apologise for upsetting her but she hasn't replied.
The rest of the family seem to have excused his behaviour and are all carrying on as before but I just don't seem to be able to let it go.
He has repeatedly done the wrong thing (our whole lives) and I have no desire to be treated like shit by him any longer. I don't want to hear about him or my SM from my family but not sure whether that makes me a stubborn arse and makes their life awkward or whether they're being insensitive toward me by carrying on as normal and thinking I want to hear about him.
Whoever is in the right/wrong, I need to stop feeling so bitter about it but don't know how to stop

I have no idea why your dsis would get upset with you. You can be as stubborn as you like, some people are naturally far more forgiving than others.

Id just say in future your father is no longer part of your life and you have no interest in hearing about him.

This sounds like a classic moment for some therapy? It doesn't sound like you really want to be in touch with your dad if nothing changes, but it also sounds as if you are struggling massively with the fact that other people are, and with their reactions to you. I think therapy would be really helpful to try and sort out some of what is going on, and to feel less out of control - to have a bit more understanding and calmness about it all.

I know I'm lucky to have been able to pay for therapy when I really needed it. There are sometimes lower-cost options if that's a barrier, like a sliding scale of fees depending on wage levels. But NHS therapy does exist, you could try for it.

In the meantime, I was out of touch with my dad for about 18 months. In the end I decided that being out of touch was slightly worse than being in touch, and in fact having a break from each other seemed to reset things slightly, I was better at doing as much as I felt able to do with him rather than more than I was able to do, and as a result a couple of years later, I'm now in a position where I am actually looking forward to seeing him later this month if you'd told me that would ever happen I would have been unable to imagine it.

Sorry op.

If the family has decided they're going to put up with him, then the sad truth is that many or most or all of them may leave you out in the cold if you don't participate in putting up with him.

I really suggest counselling. This may be the tip of the iceberg, more challenges may be along shortly.

Wherearemymarbles - dsis hates any kind of uncomfortable conversation. It's possible that she's not upset with me but more with the situation. However, as she can't express her true feelings without getting upset, she panics and removes herself from the situation altogether - hence ignoring my message.

Annandale- yes, you're probably right about therapy. I did look into ACT last year when it was a lot more raw. What I have realised over the last 18 months is that he has behaved badly, repeatedly, his whole life. More and more things have come to light and I see now just how much that has affected me and both dsis. It makes me feel really frustrated that they can't see it but it's not really my place to point it out. I feel I've passed the point of no return with him if he's not willing to even discuss the past.

Oiiiiiiiii - yes, it's definitely the tip of the iceberg in terms of the things he's done to us over the years. Tbh, whilst I don't believe it would ever come to my family choosing between me and him, for my own sanity I'd have to let them choose him.

Dsis didn't reply to friday's message so I messaged again this morning to invite her for dinner this evening - she replied as if our conversation on Friday never happened

I guess I just have to sort myself out and let the rest of my family do their thing. It's starting to drive me a bit crazy that no one ever says what they really think.