Relationship with a widower who has children

[NakedNoodle]

I've started seeing a lovely man who seems perfect in every way, he ticks all the boxes. He is full time dad to 2 children age 4 and 7. We get on really well. The children are adorable and not an issue at all.

However, his wife/their mum passed away 3 years ago and I'm scared I might always feel second best to him.. he never chose to leave his wife and they would still be together if she hadn't passed.

Can anybody with experience offer me any insight?

You will always be second best; there's two tiny children involved who've not long lost their mum.

If that's an issue then I'd say he isn't the right man for you.
The children need stability in bucket loads after such a traumatic loss so young, not someone who is 'competing' for their last remaining parents attention.

Oh goodness, I would never put myself before his children nor want to replace their mummy. She will always be their mummy.

I don’t think I agree with ‘whotook’, I think this is a man and two children who have been through one of the very saddest and most painful things we can imagine, you sound a lovely and sensitive person OP, you know you cannot replace their mum or his wife but you are a new person and can Make the rest of their lives (and yours, very importantly) happier and richer. Widowers find new loves, you will not be these children’s mum but can be a person who loves them, cares for them, looking out for them as they grow. I think just take it slow and see how he and the children respond, but you should not feel ‘second best’, just different.

Agree, not second best, but different. You both need to go slowly for all of your sakes.
Be very open about wanting children and shared finances going forward.
Good luck

DP is a widower. We've been together just over 5 years. He raised his son. Son now 19 still lives with him. I live 29 minutes down the road with my grown up DCs

He talks about his wife in passing sometimes, and that's fine. I'd think it strange if he never mentioned her.

I don't even think about wanting to be "first".

It's so sad when someone loses their partner in this way and the children have lost a parent too. We need to be sensitive regarding this.

Just take it slowly..I don't agree with second best either. Different yes.