Mid-20s and so lonely

[Borelis]

So I'm 26, female and feel very sorted in a lot of life areas e.g. have 2 degrees, a respectable job, can drive/have a car, have savings, can cook, etc. yet the people aspect is very lacking. I am a bubbly person who will talk to anyone almost. I've dated a handful of guys - most lasting a few months and two which lasted a year each (only been fully "physically intimate" with one of the ones that lasted a year).

Also, mainly only able to become close friends with males all my life - some women are instantly jealous of me and so don't get along well with me and others only express very little interest in becoming close friends with me. Don't have many relatives at all. Do feel I know people at work etc but they are all more like acquaintances - not someone I'd socialise with outside of work etc.

I dislike being single as tbh dating is one of the few things I do enjoy. Not a huge fan of marriage/settling down but having someone to go out with during the weekends and bit of naughty fun along with good chat is all I'm really after - totally fine with monogamy though but find the options are very limited as no such options at work (everyone is married etc already and not a fan of dating co-workers), home alone and between the two is only a commute to work (which is the only new people interaction I get e.g. in street which barely counts).

I've tried online but find it to be full of cheaters, liars and others who din't bother to say hello even. I don't feel I'm asking for a huge amount - just someone with whom there's a spark, attraction, is witty, lively, funny, kind and a good build but it's been close to a year of being alone and I've not even been on one date....

Anyone have any success stories which start off like mine but ended happier?

This was me 22 years ago. I would stop looking not "give up" as i have 2 decades on you and at yr age i panicked and settled instead of glorying in the discovery of me.

Have you actually got any friends or hobbies? Do you have friends from uni, or from clubs etc? If you have plenty of male friends because you disdain women, don't your male feiends have single male friends? Ask some of them to set you up in a date...

It sounds like you need to get to know more people via interests and hobbies - take people up on offers, e.g. if someone you know at a yoga class is having a party, go along, try things like Meetup - and also possibly work on dating profiles. (If your profiles have these kinds of details first: "have 2 degrees, a respectable job, can drive/have a car, have savings, can cook" it may sound like you are looking for a serious relationship /marriage with someone similar who may not be on that site or who's in a different age bracket.)

You need to hang out more with acquaintances in order to make friends out of some of them, or their friends or flatmates you meet through them. Though I totally understand keeping work separate. You sound assertive and you like chatting to different people so turning up to events where you don't know many people should be easier than for someone very introverted. Don't expect everyone to become a close friend. It takes time, and it might not be your initial contacts who become good friends. You need to get out there and get to know people (easier if you are in a big city with lots of options) without necessarily expecting instant payoff, but do be nice and see it as networking - you might meet these people again in the future even if they're not totally your cup of tea, or they might be doing something pretty influential in 20 years' time. (It's not always the people you'd expect it to be either.)

At your age I also preferred being friends with men most of the time. Exceptions tended to be women who'd grown up with only brothers, who were lesbian or bi, and/or highly knowledgeable and geeky about shared interests. But it's generally worth getting to know everyone in a circle, not only the ones you reckon at first sight you might be friends with.

Oh this is me.
Apart from I’m not as successful as you!
Same age and not a single proper friend. No one I could call and say I’ve had a shit day, bring wine.
Makes me so so sad because I believe I’m a nice person and happy to get involved in chat etc at work but just have never been great at making friends and am now worried I’ve passed that onto my children :(

Where do you live (if you feel comfortable answering)? I'm in the South West in a similar position so will follow this thread with interest

@PeachSchnapps I live in South East england

Thank you everyone for your helpful responses, especially Pennycarbonara. Sometimes I just feel so introverted and can't be bothered to go out socialising (not even fear but just laziness), even with TV shows, it takes me forever to try something new, like a new tv series - I always just watch what I know and like.

Deep down I don't think it's even about the friends thing as I'm quite independent and in the past have been happy enough alternating between alone time and time with the person I'm dating but now being single, the fact there's no real friendships there just make being single tougher than it would be for people who have lots of friends.

Even at uni, the friends I made were more like acquaintances...

@funnylittlefloozie I certainly do not "disdain" women - In fact it's the opposite - I'm probably far more forgiving of rudeness and unfair treatment from females than males. Asking male friends to set me up seems too awkward for me - I guess it works for some people but the friends my guy mates have are usually not my type at all and annoyingly, a lot of the guy mates I do have do often have secret crushes on me where it's clear we're friends because they think it'd be a chance to get romantically involved so even more awkward to ask to be set up lol.

I just feel hopeless that if I'm having such difficulty finding someone I want to date despite being young, reasonably pretty, clever, etc (i.e. prime of my life), what hope is there as I get older :/