Apologies in advance for the depressing title. I do feel like a weak person a lot and I don’t like even telling my friends anymore. They are great and understand but if I were me I’d be screaming just get out!
I’m living in quite a remote area. My husband has been the emotionally all over the place type. He’s broken up with me a few times but recently seems to want to make a go of it. I have three kids, both special needs, one severe. I don’t work to look after the youngest, who is only in school half days. Have looked for work, homeworking etc but very little. I earn a small amount from a business I’m starting instead. We also have a dog and cat.
My oldest is very settled and does not want to move at all. Husband does not want to move out. He said he would but keeps stalling. He loves the house and dislikes change. He does everything for us, driving us everywhere, is kind and funny, does his share of housework. He loves his kids and is a good Dad. He works really hard and long hours, so most of the time I am at home with the kids.
I did keep trying, with counseling etc but it seemed that the more I tried the more my husband felt undecided about our marriage. So finally I just had enough and said that was it. That was six months ago. We’ve kept apart since then. Still watch tv and have dinners, but I go away with the kids on my own, go out occasionally in the evenings on my own to the cinema or a play. We have separate bedrooms, we don’t hug. This Christmas I’m taking the kids to my mums.
I really don’t want to face moving all the kids, with the dog, out of the house, and Ex won’t leave it. Then I look at him sometimes and wonder should I get back together? Yet I’m scared he will just go back to being not sure. And to top it all there is no single men around here! I can’t move my son without feeling massively guilty.
Stuck!
Do I wait it out another couple of years? Until kids are older and I might have more money to actually move?
Or make a go of it with my husband?