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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this normal?

5 replies

forevernever · 30/11/2018 20:34

This is long but I need to get it out, I can't say anything to anyone in real life Incase it gets out.

Me & DH have been together 12 years we are married have 2 children. We have been through tough times him losing his job (recession) working away, been really tight for money. But have always had a good relationship we get on well most of the time barring the odd argument. I love him but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. I don't feel like I could or even if I want to leave him. But I can't stop thinking about someone else, I have known him for years so has DH we live in a small town were everyone knows each other kind of thing. I was out on night a few months ago and saw him we were chatting (in a group) but he looked at me and I could feel the chemistry between us. I know that sounds really pathetic! Anyway I have seen him a few more times since that and I feel it every time, he is a tradesman and we have been having work done in our house by him. I can't stop thinking about him, I saw him out the other week and I'm just drawn to him I know I shouldn't be but I feel like I can't control it. I have no idea if he thinks the same (probably not) but the way I feel scares me because I think if I was ever alone with him I would try and act on my feelings. It's definitely just a sexual thing for him. Me & DH have sex every week but I don't really enjoy it or get into. How can I stop feeling like about this other guy.

OP posts:
fuddle · 30/11/2018 20:41

Just don't get yourself into a situation where you act upon anything. Eventually you will forget about him. If the feelings are strong I would say its an indication that you are not happy in your relationship. Sort out yr marriage. It's perfectly normal to feel like you do from time to time it's what you do that matters. Perhaps you just need an ego boost. If you found out this guy liked you wouldn't that just complicate things? It's great to get the attention though.

forevernever · 30/11/2018 20:54

Yes it definitely would complicate things. I know he is single. He lives right near us as well so I find myself checking if his car is there which I know makes me sound really bad. I can't shake off the way he looked at me. I look at DH and I feel so guilty for how I feel but I can't help it.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/11/2018 20:58

Sorry, OP, that guy sounds a real player. Yes, I'm sure he would have sex with you. Then your relationship would be over, your husband would be devastated and you'd be single. Is that really what you want?

Keep away from that guy - treat him as though you're allergic to him.

fuddle · 30/11/2018 22:07

I felt like that about a guy I worked with him 11 years ago we were both married and I avoided him. Fast forward and we are together now and very much in love. Keep an open mind just do what's best for you.

BackInTheRoom · 01/12/2018 00:05

Dawn Masler explains those feelings:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58c88b41e4b0009b23bd9429/amp

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