How do you tell children that you are divorcing?

[lilibet]

I am at the moment going thru a divorce and am waiting for my nisi. We are still living in the same house with our three children, at present it resembles a war zone. I think that the best time to tell the children (6,10,15) would be in the school hols to give them chance to get used to the idea before going back and rather than upset them during term time. I don't yet have any answers as to where we are going to live, but I am having custody of the children and am very prepared to let my ex have lots of access inc overnight stops. He will not tell them with me, so we aren't going to have the both parents sit down and tell the children how much they both love them. This is down to me and I don't know how to handle it! Help?!

i have recently been through the same situation,my kids are 4 and 6.we were not married but as good as having been together 8 1/2 years,we separated four weeks ago now and i chose not to tell the kids until the day before dp left as i didn't want it hanging around the kids so waited until it was actually happening.i just told them that mum and dad didn't like each other but we loved both of them and that daddy is going to live in another house while they will stay here with me.i explained that they would see daddy all the time and he would look after them when i was at work as he always has done and they were fine with this.i realise your kids are older and by the sound of it you's will be leaving the house so slightly different i know but hopefully this might give you some ideas.good luck

How did they react? I'm sure mine won't be surprised but as things have gone on for so long perhaps they think it will be like this forever?

they didn't really say much and haven't really since.they did ask about daddy's new house and what didi it look like,where is it etc but after seeing the said house they were quite content and have full accepted that daddy is not here any more,i have even heard one reminding the other 'remember daddy doesnt stay at our house'but they are really no different to when he was here.

I agree with Loobie, Just explain that mommy and Daddy are not getting along with each other anymore and we have decided to live in different houses. Just make sure they know it has nothing to do with anything they did and show them lots of love and extra attention. Which I'm sure you do. Let them know that you both love them the same. I think it will help a great deal to allow the kids to spend much quality time with their dad since this will all be new to them (living apart). That way they wont have a hard time being away from dad so much. Above all having good communication between the parents is probally one of the most important things for children to see. Sorry about everything and I wish you the best.

thanks for your good wishes, but communication between parents is at an all time low, I shall let you know how i get on. It's just so daunting esp with the older dd. thanks, lilibet xx

Lilibet , I know alot of times in the beginning things are at their worse whengoing through a divorce but hopefully the communication will get better when things die down and everything is settled. It must be the hardest on the older one. You would think it would be easier since they understand more. I think thats where the problem is, they understand too much and it effects them more. I think things will be better when you seperate living quarters. You should try and do this as soon as possible. This way your children wont be around the tention that Im sure is in your home right now.