Annoyed at myself for feeling this way

[Hanbam]

Hello

I feel I need to get this out as I am feeling very low.

I split with my DH a year ago and yesterday would have been our 10 year anniversary. We met when I was 18 and he was 23. I have 2 children 11 and 4. We were really great friends and mostly got on well but he had issues with porn, he messaged women on bdsm websites a lot and he also saw a few dominatrix’s during our relationship.

We tried to work on the marriage when the full extent of his “issues?” came to light. Just over a year ago I had enough and ended it. I felt at the time completely numb and went through a strange Period probably a bit of a break down.

I still miss my ex hugely. I hate that I do. I think I may still be in love with him. My rational brain knows this is probably the right thing not to be together but I just find it so hard. I have made new friends and have some amazing old ones. I work three days a week and I go to a pub quiz once a week. I keep myself busy as best I can. BUT I still feel down at times and feel like I want my ex back. I miss the family we had, and naturally I miss the good times. He could be a total dick head at times. But I still miss him.

I wish I didn’t feel this way. I read this thread ALL the time and have learned an incredible amount, especially about boundaries and not accepting shitty behaviour and also a bit about myself I can be emotionally immature at times which I’m working on.

I just feel frustrated with all of this. I thought things would be easier by now and yes I’ve made some progress with dealing with things but I can still feel so down and miss him

I’m not quite sure what I’m asking for really, advice mainly.

Is this normal?

Dick head, he was an absolute cunt to you and put your sexual health at risk probably; eeeew, you don't want him back, you just want what you thought you had which wasn't anything like what you wanted!

You need to get out and meet a new man, a nice one who will cherish you and not repeatedly cheat on you and string you along for ten years.

No way you miss a man that behaves in this way.

Lots of love to you . Whatever your rational brain tells you, you can't help your feelings. There were good times and the bloke isn't all bad, remember the good things for your children's sakes. Make room for him as a father to the children, he won't mess that relationship up if he's not daft.

In time you'll move on and maybe meet someone else. It's good that you work and get out socially a little bit.

In a couple of years you'll be feeling a lot better.