Should I talk to him about lack of contact or is he not into me?

[KatDubs261]

Dating a guy for 2 months, most of the time he's been in touch every day or every couple of days at most. But there have been a couple of occasions where he's went quiet & I've had to resume contact.

I think this would be a good time to mention he's been battling depression on and off for a while. We went on a short trip together last week (the most time we've spent together), we're physically intimate & the day after we returned he called like normal.

But 3 1/2 days later he had ignored my last messages (they weren't questions, just replying to him about things, but still). When I asked if he was ok, he said he'd been having a bit of a miserable episode. I have to say he does sometimes talk about these difficult times but overall he seems happy on our dates. By the end of the day, he'd asked me on another date and was chatty again.

The problem is that when he goes quiet I think: will I hear from him again? Is he ghosting me? And tbh I feel more anxious about it since we started sleeping together. Should I bring this up on the date in a few days time? I'd like to be sympathetic about his mental health while making my own needs clear...

Nope.

No way you can say “I’m really understanding of your depression but I need you to contact me more” in a good way.

I’d honestly cancel the next date and let him show he’s interested because, at the moment, you’re not a priority and I’m not sure I could be arsed washing my hair for a fella like that!

Well he called me up to ask me on the next date...so isn't that showing he's interested?

I agree the PP.
I couldn't be doing with this.
What help is getting for his MH issues?
I have way too much of my own shit to deal with and couldn't even contemplate getting involved with someone on this level.
It's nice you want to help but he just may not be in a place where is ready for a relationship.

He is seeing a therapist once a week. You might be right about him not being ready to be a in relationship...although I think he would like to be ready.

As I would I, but I can't force it and don't know if there's any point in asking him to give more/talk to him about it.

I don't see any harm in telling him what you need. No way I'd throw away a good guy just because of this. Be open about your needs. That's the only way he even has a chance of meeting them :) You can decide later if the situation does not improve if you no longer wish to see him.

I had this problem to a lesser extent and what I asked for was a good morning text. We usually chat on line in the evening too. I'm not a person to message much during the day but I said I felt anxious if I didn't hear from him and it's worked out well.

Can’t see what he’s done wrong tbh. 2 months is nothing.

i quickly realised i couldnt make the next date he asked me on and asked to meet another day. He responded he didnt know if he could but would get back to me. He said he couldnt make it in the end and that he will keep an eye out for other things we can do together.

Now my brain is going mad wondering if he's dating someone else. is my anxiety justified or do i need to chill the f out?

You seriously need to chill the fuck out. He sounds like way too much work. Stop chasing him, FGS and raise the bar.

i cant figure out if hes actually hard work or if im over reacting. either way, i feel more anxious than i should.

If he’s making you feel anxious then it’s not working - either because of his behaviour or where you are mentally.

i definitely need to get back to yoga tomorrow!

is it a bad sign that he said hes keeping an eye out for what we can do together instead of suggesting a specific day? previously hed just pick a day and we'd figure out the logistics later.