Hi there, my brother is getting married for the second time just after Christmas. I used to be very close to him as we are the two youngest of a very large family.
We have children similar ages, he has 2 and I have just had my fifth. When he was married to his first wife, as they didn't live locally they would come to our house for years and always overstay their welcome and have me running round after their kids, leaving the house in a mess etc. Eventually we had a bust up over it and didn't speak for 2 years. In that time, he split with his first wife and met what is now his fiancee, who though I wouldn't say I know her very well, seems very nice.
The reason I was upset with my brother was not only the fact I felt quite used every time he visited our house (which was never reciprocated) but the fact that he would never invite myself or my husband out with other members of our family on their frequent nights out. He would happily come to our house and be very well looked after in terms of meals and booze and go out for drinks with my husband and appear to get on very well with him, but never invited us out with the rest of the family on his separate visits.
I have been aware that their is some tension with my FOO (family of origin) and my husband, a few of them have been rude to him in the past. Because of this, I don't have a great deal to do with them.
Anyway, my brother's daughter and my daughter are very close and love to spend time together. He still visits, when its his turn to have his kids (never with his fiancee) still puts his feet up and relaxes, whilst me and my husband host. He always seems to brag about the exotic holidays he goes on with his fiancee (never with his kids) and I just find him really irritating tbh. He even went out with my husband whilst I looked after all 6 kids whilst pregnant in the summer and in his drunken state he pee'd all over my new sofa! He then had the cheek to deny it the next day, sat there stinking of urine. I tolerate his visits for my daughters relationship with her cousin and to avoid another fallout, but it is literally now only a few times a year.
Cut to his wedding. He is marrying at a beautiful venue with only 6 rooms for guests. He suggested I book a room for my family in a hotel within walking distance and gave me the name of a "nice" hotel and to try and book this one because the other one "wasn't that nice". Anyway, its turns out, he booked rooms for a couple of my other siblings and their partners at the "nice" hotel beforehand and by the time he told me about it, it was fully booked and the only room available was in the rubbish one! There is another sibling of ours, who he also hasn't bothered to find anywhere for close by, but is annoyed that this sibling too has decided to drive home. There were spaces at a budget hotel about 2 miles away but I thought it would be easier to drive up and down in a day. More of the same shit treatment. My husband is now staying at home to look after the baby who hardly sleeps and without a room close by to take him back to, it just seemed like too gruelling a day. So I'm driving up with my two eldest. He expected everyone to stay the night of the wedding, and even the night before too, so everyone could have a good party. He wasn't happy when I said I wasn't staying over. So he turned round the other night and came out with some cock and bull that they have some spare rooms at the wedding venue where I could stay the night before the wedding, never mentioned this when my husband was supposed to be coming, (maybe some people must have dropped out and I'm getting paranoid) how our daughters would love it, blah blah blah. Yes, I've no doubt that our daughters would love it but that doesn't work for me as I'm still breastfeeding at night and a night before and a whole next day at the wedding means I'll be away from the baby for almost 2 nights and I don't want to stop breastfeeding just so my brother will have a playmate for his daughter the night before his wedding! He never makes me feel very nice about myself (every interaction with him makes me feel like a loser)
it doesn't help that I have a 4 month old and am extremely tired. But I also think why the bloody hell should I put myself out for you when you treat me so badly?? I would have expected that as I have a baby he should have taken the trouble to book a room for my family too. AIBU? Feeling very emotional and overwhelmed at the mo.