Really shocked by friend's comment

[WaterBird]

I'm just wondering what others would think of this comment and how you would react to it.
I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with a stereotypical "bad lad" type. He dumped me two years ago, but I shamefully let him walk all over me and mess with my head for quite some time afterwards, and only put my foot down, blocked and stopped talking to him recently.
My close friend knows quite a bit of what I went through, but I rarely see her these days. I saw her recently and when I told her that I had cut off communication with him she said, "Who knows? Maybe ten years down the road you'll meet up again and reconnect."
I would never think of telling a friend of mine this. I'd be encouraging them to continue to stay away. And this relationship would never work out in 10 years.
Would you be surprised if your friend said that?

I know that I shouldn't have wanted or tried to have him back. He was very controlling and I was way too dependent on him.

ravenmum - interestingly, my DFrd readily admits that her DH walking out was a much harder blow than the breast cancer she suffered, 3 or so years after he left!

Mastectomy, chemo, RT, the works.

I admit I did struggle with that a bit!

Are you someone who wants to talk on and on, over and over again for months and months, years and years, to your friends about your relationship woes? Believe me, having been on the receiving end of this a few times over the years, it's boring as hell for the listener. It's like groundhog day, they say the same things, you give the same advice, they don't take the advice, they want to meet to talk about their problems, they say the same things, you give the same advice blah blah blah, and on it goes. And I learned if you say anything negative about the bloke it just comes back to haunt you when they inevitably give it another shot, so I completely understand why your friend just gave a glib comment.

I have a friend doing a version of this at the moment. She's married, not very happy, and in a strange emotional relationship with another man. I swear to god we have had the exact same conversation now about her marriage and this man for 12+ months, so much so I've been avoiding getting together lately. I just can't face it. I wonder if that's why you rarely see your friend these days?

I hope you stick to cutting this man out of your life, and also that you take an interest in your friends when you see them.

Sometimes people just say something without thinking. Once, when I was in my early 20s and had not had a relationship yet, my mum, who's usually very sensitive to people's feelings, said to me 'Maybe there's someone for you out there, maybe there's not' and I had to say 'Mum! That's a horrid thing to say!' as I was a bit aghast and a bit amused by it, but then we moved.

*moved on!

DancingInTheCellar, I think I have been coming across the way your friend has. I've never been on the receiving end of this, and I honestly had no idea until I read both yours and Miljah's posts that I had been acting a lot like that and that it's so exhausting. And no, that's not the way I want to come across to people.

It's not necessarily that I "liked" talking about him exactly... it's more that I let it be too big a part of my life and needed to "get it out of my sthstem". Which I now realise is counterproductive and has pushed people away.
I've found myself talking a lot less about him once I made the decision recently to cut all contact with him, but I need to do it more.

Sorry, that quoted word should have been wanted, not liked.

Wow, I sound so boring. I can promise you that I am not!