I'm new and I'm broken. Partner has admitted to cheating.. ADVICE!

[Jazdias28]

Hi - my first ever post and I'm typing this behind tears so bare with me!

Bit of background - I split with my daughter's father and met my current partner. It was a fantastic relationship, my daughter adored him and I maintained a good relationship with my daughter's dad. Everything perfect right? So I moved away with my daughter to be closer with my new partner (An hour away from my old town) left my job started a new one and everything was great. A few weeks after I moved my partner broke down and told me at the start of the relationship he slept with someone. I was gutted but I moved on and accepted it was early days etc.
A MONTH later he went away with work and then I received a message in the early hours of the morning to say he had got so drunk (he never drinks!) And kissed someone at a bar. I was furious but as i had moved my self and daughter I desperately wanted it to work so he went to see a therapist about his behaviour he promised to not get in such states and I forgave him and we moved on. That was 3 years ago. This evening he broke down AGAIN , completely beside himself , out of the blue and confessed that the girl he 'kissed at bar' managed to find her way to his hotel and they slept together.
I'm completely devastated. I cannot tell my friends because I don't want them to think badly of him. I feel so trapped because I moved my life to be with him. I'm away from all my friends and family and my daughter is settled in her school. We bought a house together a year ago and everything has been amazing the past few years. I can't believe I'm here again though. I have no idea what to do now? I love my life here and i have great work friends and studying for a course aswell as working full time. My daughter is thriving and happy. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do? He is an amazing person. So supportive and helpful with my daughter. Loving beyond belief but I'm so taken aback by this.
Please any advice would be much appreciated.
Going to bed with a broken heart this evening.

I haven't slept. My mind is in overdrive. How do I ever get the image of him having sex with another women. He's slept with HALF of the number of people I have in my whole life over our 3 year relationship. I feel physically sick. And waking up this morning for 2 blissful seconds when I reached for him I had forgot I had kicked him into the spare room and my heart fell out of my arse. Thank you everyone for the support. As I can't speak to anyone right now you have all helped me tremendously and my heart aches for those who have shared your own experiences 😭 bad timing just before Christmas also. I have alot to do now I think x

I cannot tell my friends because I don't want them to think badly of him
Why not?
He IS bad.
The sooner you make this 'real', the sooner you can start to plan your life away from him.
Please talk to someone.
This will eat you up and mess with your mental health.
Your DD needs a strong mum to show her that women don't have to put up with this shit!

Whilst you may think you are doing your daughter right by staying just remember this: by staying you are setting an example to her that it's okay to put up and make do.
That is the WORST life lesson I've been taught myself. It's made me stay in relationships too long, and it's made me put up with bad behaviour from men I've dated for too long.

Think about if this was your daughter years down the line and she had a child and was in exactly the same predicament. Think what advice you would give her and follow it yourself. Sometimes when it's us we put up and make do. It's NOT the way.

You will be absolutely fine on your own, yes it will be tough. But what will be tougher is 10 years down the line being out for a nice meal with your partner or sat together and out blurts another confession.

Also agree with the others, she didn't just find her way to his hotel, unless she's a psychic. So really, he's still lying to you - if he could do it for 3 years he's pretty good at it.

Good luck and sending big hugs xx

*What are you teaching your daughter by staying with this man and having her watch you experience this over and over again.

It's not a healthy relationship to model for a child. Single parents manage perfectly well and it's a better alternative surely than this.*

This, totally ^^

OP, this man will lie and cover up again. He's got form and probably won't change. I've just gone through a break up with my cheating ex-partner...similar scenario..we got together when my DD was younger and I was fresh out of a separation from her father. The new partner ticked all the boxes, was great with her etc...and then FFWD 9 years later, he's a cheating bastard. My DD is 15 yrs old, she managed to get through my divorce from her father (we have a very good amicable relationship) and she is getting through this. Yes, I feel guilt that she is in the middle of this, but we don't have a crystal ball with the future do we? You have the opportunity NOW to get the hell out of this relationship. You will be doing your daughter a disservice if you continue to stay and put up with yet another admission.

He's told you who he is. Listen to him.

Reading your story, the first and truly unforgivable thing that jumps out to me is that he cheated on you at the very start and then let you uproot you and your DDs lives for a lie. He is utterly selfish and spineless and a liar and any crap about how bad he feels has to be dismissed as self-serving bullshit. He didn't care a damn for you and your DD except in how you serviced his needs, or else he'd have been honest and true from the start and at the very least got you to hold off on moving in until he'd come clean and you could rebuild the relationship from there. But of course you wouldn't have done, you'd have run a mile. As you should now. You are right, you are the lead in that film, and on what planet would you advise her to stick with this serial cheating liar because of fear and logistics? Show your daughter that you don't put up with shit men and get out of there. Don't underestimate her or yourself and definitely don't overestimate him. He will not change.

And he's a liar and insulting your intelligence, the woman just followed him to his Hotel yeah of course she did.

Why is he even still under the roof with you; tell him to fuck off to one of his mates or his family to allow you to grieve without his face there to remind you what a total cunt he is; how bloody cruel is this git.

It's 3 years, it's not a long time in the grand scheme of life, you will definitely get over this; you will never be able to trust him again OP, because he will continue to let you down in this way.....do not sell yourself short be being shackled to a man that is half in and half out and literally hanging out of other women, sorry but it's that rank what he's been doing.

So, let me get this straight? He cheated twice very early on in the relationship? Has he treated since?

*cheated not treated FFS

I think he cheated at the beginning and also a month ago.

Ah no sorry, yes he cheated at beg, twice.

Ohhh he broke down?? A tart with a heart how cute

The first time you let him get away with this you set the bar and gave him the green light to continue.

If you continue with this prepare yourself for more of the same because it's pretty much an inevitability.

I cannot tell my friends because I don't want them to think badly of him
Which just indicates that you you've already decided what you are going to do. Otherwise why would it matter what your friends think?

He is an amazing person
No he's not. He's a cheat and he does NOT respect you or your relationship.

Loving beyond belief
And shares that 'love' around apparently.

What breaks me the most is my daughter being caught up in all of this and it makes me feel like I have failed her twice You will be failing her if you teach her that THIS is what a relationship should be. Teaching her to set the bar so low is failing her.

Leave and don’t look back seriously! X