Survivors of baby's first year/trial separation?

[RayRae19]

So I was hoping to hear from anyone whose relationship has reached breaking point (especially during the first year or so of having their LO) and then turned it around. How did you do it? Can you recommend any specific books/resources/therapy, especially on a budget?

My OH and I are not in a good place. Predictably issues which were underlying before my LO was born have slowly become huge issues over the last 17 months. I have a lot of resentment towards him which has built to the point that I'm really not in love with him anymore, although I do love him and I'm really determined to try to change things.
He has some real issues surrounding. communication and anger - he is quick to anger but really tries to suppress it and it spills out in unhealthy ways (nothing violent or physical) but makes it so we struggle to talk about the smallest things.
I also feel like he takes no initiative and I take all the load of organisation and taking care of the family (although I'm pretty sure there's things I do which make this worse!)
He's just very emotionally closed off, and it makes it so hard to deal with the situation when he won't really acknowledge the issues we have.

OH works shifts and we have no family nearby or anyone really to help with babysitting (we've been out for 2 evenings out in the last 17 months) so couples therapy in the evenings isn't really an option. I work 3 days a week also. Is there other ways of doing this?

Also if anyone has advice on trial separation I'd be grateful. For me it's the next step if we can't improve things and I feel like I need to be able to draw a line in the sand with OH so that he understands I'm serious and things can't continue the way they are. I just don't really know how practically or financially it would work.
OH also has an 8 year old son who we have on alternate weekends to consider.

Thank you x

I didn't want to read and run.

I really hope that you and your partner work things out x

Once you acknowledge the problems and they can't be resolved, then it's the end. Get your ducks in a row ready for the inevitable.
Trial separations are rarely just that, it's a way of getting out gently.

Just wanted to give my thoughts to you... I had similar feelings towards my ex-h, we had a baby of 2 and one of 8 months when he finally left (for another woman, but I didn't know that at the time).
For a while I felt it was the worst thing in the world but really it made me. Whatever happens with your situation you will emerge stronger

You’ve mentioned how determined you are to make changes, and he sounds like the polar opposite. Unless he has a personality transplant you’ll run yourself into the ground trying to patch up a relationship he doesn’t care about.

No experience of trial separation but I did become a single parent when my LO was less than a year old. Making the decision is the hard part. Everything that came after that, though sometimes hard work, was not as difficult or upsetting as I had expected it to be.
I'm sorry you are going through this.

I agree that trial separations are very rarely anything other than easing the path towards separation. I don't think you should have to threaten separation (trial or otherwise) to have your partner take your concerns seriously.

Did his previous relationship break up for the same reason? You say he has another child. Just wondering if he has form for behaving like this? If it did, you might be flogging a dead horse

Try online / Skype relationship counselling? Better than nothing?

Thanks all. @Grobag369 I'll definitely look at Skype counselling, I didn't really know you could do that.

I go between feeling all of the above - that I don't have the energy, that it makes me so annoyed that nothing changes etc, to feeling bad for him.
I just don't think he has the skills to communicate his emotional needs and he compartmentalises because there are things in his life he doesn't want to think about, which makes him seem really shut off.

It's almost definitely the reason his last marriage ended but I think his ex was increasingly mean to him which didn't really help. If I stick with him and help him unlock some of the things that are going on inside, I really think it could help our relationship, but sometimes I think by doing that I'm just allowing him to stay the same...