Long distance - encouragement please!

[littlelobby]

My boyfriend and I are in a very long-distance relationship (over 5,000 miles). We have a wonderful relationship and are coping very well with the distance (it has been six months and it will continue for another seven or eight). I do miss him terribly though and I thought it might be nice to hear from others who have been through long-distance and made it out the other side? It helps me to picture the sunny uplands! Thanks all!

How often do you get to see each other? I thought ours was bad at him Kingston on thames and me in Yorkshire, but 5,000 is a whole world away

We did see one another every six week and have now been married for 38 years.

We see each other every four weeks (unbelievably!) so I guess it's not so bad from a frequency perspective. I think I just need to develop some coping mechanisms for when we are apart as the prospect of another six months feeling like this is beyond daunting!

We had about half that distance for almost 2 years and we are now married. We used to see each other every 3 or 4 weeks and skype daily. I recon we used to talk more then than now!
It's hard but it's possible if you both want it.

I've had a few long distance relationships. 3 years London - Nottingham. 1.5 years - London to Australia.

I married the first and we were together 20 years. But we saw each other every two weeks. Australia - every 3 months or so! The latter I ended after one and half years.

The problem with long distance relationships is that the absence makes the heart grow fonder - even with skype, facebook and all that, its not the same as seeing each other regularly and normally, doing the mundane stuff. So when you do see each other its special, exciting, sexy but not necessarily real. And it can make it suspended in obsessive infatuation - and seem like a deep and passionate love. But love flows from getting through the initial excitement and through the first thrills and then still having an enduring attachment. In long distance there's a risk it gets arrested in the infatuation stage. Never beyond the hot weekend or holiday.

Sorry if thats not helpful. This is what happened to me. I got badly burnt by the crazy Australia thing - we actually couldn't find an even keel when we were together, it was just too intense and not at ease. If he came to stay, he had to stay with me 24/7 for a couple of weeks and it was oppressive to me - too much too soon.

Have your eyes open. If you can see an end in sight then it might work. If not, you might not really get to know each other enough to judge whether its worth making big life changes to be together. Sorry! I know how exciting it can be.

If you have a finite time for the LDR then I think you will be more than fine. You have an established relationship, by the sound of it, and fairly regular contact. I managed to get to know someone through an LDR with a similar distance and frequency of contact for the first year and then a slightly shorter distance and moderately more contact over the couple of years after that. Been together, same country, for the last 9 years. It's certainly possible, not always easy, but having an end date and not something completely open ended, makes a very big difference.

Thanks everyone. Yes I think having the end in sight definitely helps. We've also known each other for a very long time prior to getting together as friends so we already know each other well. How did those of you who have managed it cope when you were really missing them (and couldn't speak to them because of time difference etc) - any tips gratefully received!

We did Scotland to Japan for two years (6,000+ miles, 9 hour time difference) having met at a university reunion - before marrying. Still together 10+ years later.

It can be done - and if you can get through this your relationship could be all the stronger going forward - but distance does require considerable effort and teamwork...

We did UK - the Gulf for 7 months (military deployment) - have to say it was tough. I agree with PP who said it extends the infatuation but without the reality. He came back in May and it took us a while to find a rhythm - he came back and then had a lot of leave so suddenly he went from never being around to being around all the time and driving me a bit mad 😂 but it really does get better quickly and once you're back together it will soon feel like ages ago that you were ever apart x