Feeling a bit awkward about a night out with a man whose gone cold

[Bouledeneige]

Well I don't really know what happened. A friend introduced me to a very nice man - a bit older than me, funny, warm, kind and intelligent.

I didn't instantly fancy him but really enjoyed his company and was feeling warm towards him - and thinking something might develop. I'm a little cautious - my last relationship was very intense and I ended up feeling like I'd fallen under a bus several times. So I wasn't going to leap into anything.

He seemed pretty enthusiastic but has recently gone cold. I'm not sure whether I wasn't giving him much encouragement, or did something wrong, maybe he just went off me. I'm a bit Marmite. Plus he has no kids and an easy job and I have quite a busy family and work life - so when he suggested wanting to come to mine for dinner etc I was thinking lovely but not when the moody teens are hanging around.

I'm a bit sorry things have gone off the boil - I enjoyed his company. I have a lot of female friends not so many men to do things with ( he has a lot of female friends). And I enjoyed the possibility of a romance developing - after a few years steering entirely clear of all that. And now I think its off the cards its made me a bit regretful. It reminded me of something I was missing and would like to have. But did I really fancy him? Maybe not. And maybe he picked that up.

Awkward bit is I've got theatre tickets for him and me in a week's time. should I offer him a way out? Like I realise he might not want to come? Or would that cause more offence?

What do you mean when you say he's gone cold? What is he doing?

Could be that he understands how busy you are and wants to give you space and not be too clingy, or he's got the impression you're too busy/not lookint for a relationship.

Keep the tickets! If he tries to bail then take a friend instead .

He was texting quite a lot and being very warm in his chat. But now he's not in contact so much and his messages are shorter, they dont lead to a longer chat.

I cant really explain but we went out last week and he wasnt so interested or chatty, it just felt like he'd switched off.

He suggested wanting to come to dinner? Did you offer and he accept? I wouldn't be making him a meal you should go out. Did you buy the tickets also ?

Is the theatre the next tome you're seeing him?

Why don't you ask him if everything's ok as he's seemed quiet recently?

I'm very honest when dating, hate not knowing where I stand with someone!

Forget him. He's not the right man for you.

You have such different lifestyles and it sounds as though he wants someone with as much free time as himself. That's not you!

Take a friend to the theatre instead.

So I went out with him about 7 or 8 times. Cocktails, theatre, walks, all very nice. But no kisses....

He is single around 60, no kids. I'm mid 50s, 2 late teens living at home, dealing with a few ups and downs in their lives. Work is busy and buzzy plus I like to see my friends and go out with them too.

So I last saw him last Wednesday and no plans to meet till the theatre tickets on Friday 7th. So I wondering shall I just say, 'Hi I'm thinking maybe things have cooled off a bit, would you still like to come to the theatre or shall I ask someone else?' Would that annoy him?

I'm being a bit careful as we have a friend in common who introduced us so I dont want to create bad feeling.

Generally I don't think this is going anywhere.... We are in different stages of life. I did enjoy it but couldn't say I wanted a romantic relationship. I wasnt sure. He was growing on me... till it went very cool.

Met 7 times and no kiss?!

I think he must have got vibes you're not keen.

I wouldn't offer to give his ticket to someone else, seems a bit mean and presumptuous when he hasnt said he doesnt want to go

Sounds like he's got vibes youre not interested (and sounds like he's right)

Yes I see that. I didnt give him the vibe I guess, I was warming to him and hadnt made up my mind.

I wont say don't come. I don't want to be rude at all. I like him a lot! But I think it will be a bit awkward.

You’re keen enough if you got tickets for theatre it sounds like neither of you are that into each other but he’s awakened your interest in having a relationship but I don’t t think it’s with him.

Why are you bothering with him?

Let's face it, if he's 60 and hasn't got teenagers, he's going to find that a nightmare. It's not unreasonable of him to want a child-free life. However, that doesn't suit you, obviously! You need a guy who understands what family life is like.

This one sounds a bit of a non-starter. You've seen each other a few times and there's no sign on either part of any sexual attraction.

Time to look elsewhere, I think.

A man who's got to 60 without children is likely to be selfish. Whether because he's inherently selfish or because he's lived alone so long. And if you didn't want to kiss him after 7 dates you don't fancy him so look for someone better.

Can't you ask your friend what he thinks.
Tbh you sound as if you might have put him off. If someone said to me, "Hi I'm thinking maybe things have cooled off a bit, would you still like to come to the theatre or shall I ask someone else?" I'd think they were looking for a way out.
Just go with him and have a good time.

If someone had met me 7 or 8 times and still hadn’t made their mind up about me (not bloody likely) I would probably cool off a bit too.

Just text and say ‘Hi, are we still on for the theatre?’ And see if he comes up with an excuse.

But harsh to say he’s going to be selfish just because he doesn’t have kids! How does anyone know why he doesn’t have kids.
And yes, if I was him I would have the impression you just weren’t that interested if it’s got to 7 dates and you still can’t decide! I would back off If I was him too

Yes that’s what I thought, very harsh, as he’s got no kids he’s selfish!!
Can’t imagine seven dates no kissing...
Maybe it’s not him but the attention you’re missing?

I couldn't get passed him asking you to make him dinner, surely if he wanted a meal with you he should invite you to his or take you out, not expect you to cook it!

He COULD have said, "Why don't I come round to your house and I'll treat you all to a takeaway." That would cheer up the sullen teens and give you a break. Instead he suggested you cooked him a meal. Get rid, OP!

He wanted to invite himself around the your place for dinner?

Just wondering why he didn't invite you to his place and cook you dinner?

Bit cheeky.

Sounds like you're not that into him and he's picked up on it. Just send him a text asking him if he's still on for the theatre next week and leave it at that. He can reply yes or no. Suggesting that he's 'cooled off' sounds like a bit of an accusation to be honest, I wouldn't put that.

Well we've had a few texts and he asked me if theatre was still on and I said yes I've got the tickets and looking forward to it. So thats fine. I'm chilled about it.

I was feeling a bit disappointed but maybe I just wanted the attention...

No no no. If you pursue a relationship with him you'll always be left wanting.
If I were you I'd cancel the date and take a friend. Anybody, don't let him make you second guess him. So many dates and nothing else from him.
I'm making huge assumptions but in my (and others) experience There's a reason he's still single and childless at 60 & it sounds more like choice than bad luck.
I've seen many women throw their best dating years away on men like this.