bit of background...
Bf and I (both in our early 50s) have been together in an open relationship off and on for 5 years. I say 'off and on' as we have had a few breaks due to me being emotionally absent sometimes, and rightly, he has found this difficult to deal with.
For the past 2 years we have been living together and things have been good. I have made a huge effort to be more affectionate and dedicated more time to 'us' as I know this was hugely important to him.
On the whole we get on very well, enjoy the same things and share hobbies.
The open side of our relationship worked very well for us. We had no secrets and were very open about desiring sex with others.
We had a rule that it would all stop if ever one of us was no longer happy with the arrangement.
Around summer time of this year he told me that he was no longer enjoying the lifestyle and was struggling with seeing me with other men.
We talked about it and we agreed to become exclusive.
I was a little disappointed but there was no question of me not agreeing to this as I love him and respect his wishes.
One of the women he had met on the scene had become a friend of his. They would message each other via Facebook daily and occasionally she would ring him. I was privy to the messages (nothing other than chat about a hobby they both share and banter) and was present on a few occasions that she rang. He answered the phone to her with me in the room and the conversations were usually about some drama at her work , or to ask his advice on something practical.
Last week she asked him if he would like to go to an event this weekend with her. It's a day event that is to do with their hobby. I knew this as I read the Facebook messages on my laptop when he had forgotten to log out. The last bit isn't really relevant though as we both have access to each others devices.
I presume he said yes, and that it must have been over the phone as there are no more messages on the subject.
So, on Monday he comes home from work and casually says " Oh, and I are going to on Friday, that ok?"
I felt a bit weird and anxious as he has rarely seen her before and not had sex too.
I said it was fine, but made a joke about the fact that he wouldn't be used to coming straight back home afterwards, and asked him if he would be disappointed. He just laughed it off.
I know that he isn't seeing her other than when I know about ;she lives a very long way away , plus he likes to text and ring me frequently throughout his day so I always know (as much as anyone can) where he is.
However I have seen that he messages her good morning and goodnight virtually every day.
I mentioned this to him the other night and he couldn't see the problem with it.
However I for some reason do have a problem with it. It's making me sad and anxious. I can see from their conversations that she is very clever and witty, and they seem to bounce off one another. The conversations would make me smile if it wasn't my bf and another woman having them!
Would it be right for me to ask him to reduce contact with her, or is that controlling?