He says he loves and misses me and I am nowhere neat feeling the same yet. Do I need to call it a day?

[user428173494]

We've been dating 3 months, seen each other regularly. I am very wary of being swept off my feet after some bad experiences.

I really like him but I have to admit my feelings havent developed as fast as they normally would.

He's gone and said he loves me and always says he misses me. I feel terrible. I barely miss him let alone love him. I think if he wasn't so keen i would be more keen, but he barely gives me room to be!

can i give this more time? should i? i definitely do not love him and i don't miss him because he is constantly in contact and i see him a lot. although i would usually fall very fast and be saying i missed them by this point. i can't work out if this is just me being sensible this time around. i just feel so guilty when i cant say these things back yet.

he has commented that i am not as keen as he is (in a jokey way) but i can tell it understandably bothers him that we are not in the same place. anyone else had this?

I think you know deep down.

Id let him go tbh

im not sure i do. ive made some very bad judgements in the past with men...

3 months isn't that long for feelings to develop. Do you have fun together? If so, I'd carry on seeing him and see how you feel in another few months

yes we have fun.

just concerned he says these things and why dont i feel the same yet

3 months is very early for I love you!

Unlike pp I’d say 3 months is more than long enough. He’s already making you feel stiffled!! If you don’t break up now how long are you planning on dragging it out for?

You say those things when you feel them. Just because he's feeling it doesn't mean you have to be. I've been seeing someone 3 months, he's absolutely amazing, a proper keeper but do I feel head over heel? Hmmmmm not really.

3 months is no time at all. You really don't know this man. I would be asking myself why is he so keen so quickly?

I might sound shallow but what have you got that he wants, own home ( roof over his head) good job (financially supportive) etc

I'm only asking because I fell for it all before

in terms of what he could get from me - nothing. thats not to say i dont have my own independence etc (own home, career). just that he has all that many times over - hes not after anything material from me thats for sure.

i have met some of his friends and they have joked with me that theyve never seen him so into someone. i think 3 months is much too early but he is very consistent and it seems he genuinely likes me - im just myself with him too, so not necessarily showing him only my best side.

ive never pursued something with someone like this - either i like them immediately and quickly or not interested at all.

This is a difficult one. I met somebody last year and he was like this. He was my first date since separating from my exh so it took me a while to figure out if I felt as keen about him as he did me. There were a few times I very nearly finished it. I'm so glad I didn't as time has gone on I've fallen deeply in love with him. It took a while to really get to know him but he was very patient in a non pushy way.

He's the most lovely man I've ever met (and I'm no soppy git either). We are getting married next year.

If you’re enjoying being with him and don’t especially wan it to end then I’d say have a chat with him. Tell him honestly how you feel but that you find his Ive enthusiasm a little alarming (or whatever it is you feel about it) and tell him you’d feel much more comfortable if he calmed down a bit

bored why did you carry on seeing him?

this man is so constant - he is totally and utterly available to me emotionally and practically. if i properly fell for him i would be overwhelmed with happiness at how caring and loving he was to me - i can see it, i just dont feel it yet. does that make sense?

i am not willing to force myself to feel a certain way so at the moment i am just seeing how it goes. but i do feel bad when he is saying he misses me and to be honest i dont really! i would miss him a bit if we didnt speak for a day but i am more than happy not to see him for a few days and get on with my own life that i am very happy with.

missmoney i have told him and he has calmed it down a bit. but i know it bothers him that i am not on the same page yet.

it is confusing.

Your previous bad experiences - were they abusive relationships? If so, have you anything like the Freedom Programme or any work on resetting your relationship boundaries?

I mean, if it's not there for you, it's not there - but just wondering if you're used to highs & lows and rollercoaster intensity, and a good relationship feels flat to you.

I could have written your post exactly OP... although it's only been two months so far for us. I'm definitely going to give it more time... but like you, my man is so smitten, wears his heart on his sleeve, and is so much in contact ... I feel if he pulled back slightly it would give me more space to miss him when I'm not with him! No advice really but I definitely empathise

category defimitely used to highs and lows. i dont miss them but it did make it seem more magical overall i guess...at least at the start!

partinglass the contact really irritates me...i just want chance to message him first for once! he is so constant and doesnt leave me questioning which of course you want in the long run but not really straight away!

Because he was just so lovely to me beyond what any other man has been. I found him very attractive, sex was fab (after 2 years of non) and we had a good laugh together. I was just very nervous, confused, unsure. He was patient, backed off when I asked him to, toned the gushing down when I asked him to and waited.

We have so much in common and he just gets me and I think the world of him now. I love being with him. We don't live together so haven't rushed into things as I prefer to keep dating and enjoy the good bits not the mundane crap!

Don't get me wrong he's not perfect but neither am I

The other thing that has always stood out is that he doesn't play games, there's no second guessing where I am with him. That means a lot.

Somebody being smothering and intense is a bit of a red flag though isn't it? It's like lovebombing. It makes it hard for you to get a handle on your own feelings, as they are always in your face, emoting at you.

That was aimed at the OP, not your DP Bored

He sounds quite full on, I don't really 'miss' DP unless it's maybe a week or so apart because we text. We've been together 5 years and v much in love, but being apart for a bit isn't some heart wrenching experience...

i thought it may be a red flag but his friends have commented hes not been this keen on anyone before and when i ask him to back off a bit he does...

What’s his pattern of contact like OP? Do you ever not reply for a while, and if so does he just leave it until you do?

Hmmm. It sounds a bit like love bombing. Has he ever talked about stuff like "When we get married", "I know I want children with you some day" or similar?