Gambling boyfriend-what should I do?

[Ewaaaa]

Good evening,
I am completely broken and tired of my boyfriend's gambling... after we moved in together 6 months ago, he started betting and playing games on William Hill after every payday. After he wastes all his wages away, he apologises and promises not to do it again, but every month the same is happening. Also, due to all that stress he's become angry and aggressive (he was normal before this hell), shouts at me for anything, breaks plates and throws things to the wall if I ask him to stop playing. I feel absolutely helpless, I want him to change, but he is not seeking help. When his nerves calm down, he regrets for everything and even suggests that he should leave the house and go away... however, I always convince him to stay, both because I am scared to stay all alone and because he owes money which I hope he will pay back one day... how to find strength to let him go? I know I must, as sometimes he is so crazy that I am scared he will become physically abusive... What to do if he beats me up one day? Also, why is he so willing to leave? Is it because he still has a bit of decency left and sees what pain he is causing, or does he feel that I am preventing his recovery by rescuing him all the time? Or maybe he wants to stay alone without me nagging about money and then gamble as much as he wants?

Please leave. He's dangerous and he doesn't want to change. Please please leave x

I'm a recovering alcoholic. When I was in rehab they told us that gambling was one of the worst addictions. You become addicted far more quickly than you do to drugs or alcohol, and you can do more harm more quickly. I met a man who started gambling and within a year he'd lost everything: his car, his house and then - when they were out on the street - his wife and kids.

Your boyfriend is an addict and has now become abusive. I can see nothing in this situation for you. If you have no DC together then count yourself lucky.

I always convince him to stay, both because I am scared to stay all alone and because he owes money which I hope he will pay back one day...

Write the money off. You will never get it back. And surely being alone is far better than being tied to an abusive money pit?

Raise your standards. You deserve much better than this.

Maybe he's got enough about him to know he'll really hurt you one day. You should accept his offer to leave, not beg him to stay. If he's a gambler, I doubt you'll ever see your loan back again.

because I am scared to stay all alone
I feel absolutely helpless, I want him to change

let him do what he wants, wanting him to change is a waste of time.

what do you want to do with your life?

i also agree gambling one of the worst addictions.

He is not 'willing' to leave. It's a bluff. It's not decency cos he hasn't actually done it. He doesn't give a fuck about recovery; if he did he'd be getting help. It's a way of sucking you back in, along with the 'regrets', apologies, promises and it's working big time! You convince him to stay. Wtf? He has you doing exactly what he wants. He fucks up again and again and you roll over and beg him to stay and continue fucking up.

Why the fuck are you doing that?

You are helpless because you have some deluded idea that you can help him, a grown adult, who has no desire to help himself and DOES NOT want your 'help'.

He gambles all his money. And i presume you bail him out. He's emotionally abusive and you're making excuses for him. Stress my arse! He's violent and smashes stuff and you are afraid he will direct his violence at you, but you're hanging on in there. Why?

I guarantee he didn't suddenly start gambling when you moved in. He didn't suddenly go from not gambling to every penny ever month. He kept it a secret. He's not stupid. He lied to get you to move in and bankroll him. You will NEVER see the money he owes you. And the longer you stay the more he will owe you. YOU will get into debt to cover bills and bankroll his gambling.

Unless he seeks help nothing will change for the better. But it will change for the worse! You are not some miracle worker. You can't live him better. You can not wish/want him to miraculously change. It doesn't work like that. He needs to immediately seek help for his addiction and his anger. Active steps, not bloody empty promises! But we both know he won't. He doesn't want to!!

Cut your loses, both financial and emotional, and run! Next time he says he'll leave pack his bags. But make sure you don't put yourself in an unsafe position when you do.

Six months and all he has brought is gambling, emotional abuse, violence and the danger of physical violence. You need to tough love yourself. Recognise it's a mistake and cut your loses earlier rather than later when your broke, an emotional mess and battered!

Boyfriend... So just walk the fuck away. Simple. Love is never EVER enough or an exscuse to stay

I have a gambling addiction, been clean 220 days so far.

You need to get help for yourself. I suggest you visit gamcare website specifically the friends and family section of the forum. Have a read through and post if you are up to it. You will. Get some excellent advice from people who lived through what you are going through now.

They can also advise on the practicals of financially protecting yourself from this guy. Do not lend him any more money.

Also contact gamcare, they can offer you free counselling. I had six or eight sessions and it helped me massively.

My husband stuck by me but he could see the commitment in wanting to stop. Plus we have a mortgage and little one together.

I wouldn't blame you if you walked, you should if he isn't wanting to stop.

You can't make him though, he has to do that for himself. He needs to hit his rock bottom. It's a cliché but true.

Get down on your knees and thank god he is only your boyfriend and get the hell out of there.

You can’t fix what he’s got.
This won’t get better.

I went to a Gamcare meeting for family and friends of gamblers and it's a pile of shite. They gave excuse after excuse for people who gamble.

Been where you are with my ex-H. You will never see any of your money he owes you and he will keep gambling and lying as long as he is still living with you. Please get him out now for your own health and well-being.

My ex hasn't changed. Still gambles, still borrows money, probably still conning and stealing. Meanwhile I still have my house, a full bank account, my sanity and happiness.

You can't rescue him. He needs to want to change to get the support. You need to protect yourself by getting away from him. Throwing plates is not acceptable and your post makes it clear you fear things will continue to escalate. Get out before things get worse

Did you know he gambled when you moved in with him. You could keep seeing him but not live together. And not lend him money. But it's best to leave as he's abusive.

Get out. Now.

Gambling is the worst addiction. He won't change. He can't.

You don't have a relationship!

His primary relationship, his lover, girlfriend, wife, is gambling. It's all he cares about. If he threatens to leave it would be so he can gamble in peace.

He's shown he is violent - all that smashing things up is saying "you're next if you don't shut up".

You really must leave him