Would you remove someone from your Facebook friends who has you on restricted?

[BWrose]

I will give a little background information.

I have three brothers. One of them lives at home. He's in his late 20s. We used to get on well but over the past 22 months or so, things changed. He changed. He became withdrawn from the family. Anytime he's at home, he spends it in his room nearly avoiding me and our mother. He doesn't help around the house or contribute in any way.

His whole entire attitude and demeanor changed completely over the past 22 months or so. He hardly talks any more. He barely says hello/goodbye in passing and that's about the extent if our relationship. Our mother gets a bit more but generally he's overly critical of her. I mean, she can't do anything right in his books.

I don't know if it's depression, dugs or him being a dickhead. I suspect very much so it's drugs. About two years ago, he used to go out with his friends and not come back for a day or do and then he came home tripping out of his head. The come downstairs were unreal. Days in the bed and getting up to bang about the place. He hasn't come home like that in quite some time I must admit. Although l, he was giving up smooth for over 18 months and got on well with an electronic cigarette. I caught him a few times going out side smoking. I never said anything. There's a smoky pungent smell at the end of the hall, outside his bedroom. I suspect it's weed.

I tried many times talking/making conversation with him but I barely get a grunt back and I gave up. Basically, my relationship with him is nil.

Even on Facebook there's nothing from him. Anyways, I noticed something earlier in the year and I think he put me on restricted on Facebook. If he's tagged in a picture for example, it doesn't come up for me but it comes up for another mutual friend/brother.

I don't know what happened for things to turn into nothing between us. I know people grow up and grow apart and start their own relationships and family and life takes over and work is busy, etc. but this between us. Nothing.

This highlights one of the many problems with fb. No one should have to be pondering this. I don't say this to minimise your angst. This is just a good example of why I dislike fb.

I feel completely hurt with what has turned out between us. To make things worse, we had no fight or fall out to result in this blank from him. The Facebook just ads to things really.

I wouldn't be shooting Facebook down at all. I use it to keep in touch with family and friends who are away with events happening locally, Facebook hobby groups, etc. Facebook is beneficial is many ways.

So he can see all your stuff but you can't him.

I deleted a "friend" who restricted me as l didn't see the point of being connected.

Depends if your bothered by it or not.

No, I wouldn't. He's your brother and something is going on. Hopefully he'll come back from it in time. For whatever reason, maybe even just drungs paranoia one random night, he's looking to keep something or other private from you. FB is a fairly minimal level of keeping communications open.

drugs, not drungs. drungs aren't a thing.

In general no, definitely not.

My sister has me (and the rest of the family) on restricted, which is completely fine.

My DH has some cousins and older members of the family on restricted for privacy.

It’s really not that big a deal.

It does sound like something is going badly wrong with your DB but I think that’s a separate question.

I noticed a few mistakes in my own post eg
dugs should be drugs
Come downstairs should be come downs

That was ym phone changing things.

If you don't interact regularly on fb you won't see everything people post anyway. It could just be that.
I think rather than cutting him out you should try talking to him and seeing if something is actually wrong. Before jumping to conclusions that he must be on drugs.

My brother put all family on restricted when he went off to uni and was out all the time getting pissed. He's a very private person in general anyway and doesn't post anything usually!

I'd just ask him or send him a message if I were you

It's gone beyond talking and fixing. It really it has. I tried talking so many times and I was shot down with one word grunts.

I'm not really jumping to conclusions. I think things do point to drugs:
Coming home tripping out of his head
Hangovers lasting days
Giving up smoking but still lighting up
Mood changes

Ems

How is your relationship aside from that? Is it good when you see each other or does he only mutter hello and ignore you the rest of the time?

I'm taking this Facebook thing into the picture as a whole.

Something else to say that I just thought of:

Another brother on Facebook - I don't think he's on restricted from the brother mentioned in the original post. When I viewed my brothers profile, I can see X O'Bloggs (the other brother) liked many pictures that turned up in my brothers facebook. So when my brother is tagged in pictures or whatever, it shows up in my other brothers facebook feed. Does any of that make sense.

So it's not like my brother in the op put everyone in the family on restricted.

Fb shows 30% of the content that should be there. It chooses what to put on by what/who you interact with most. Try liking a lot of his posts and see what happens.

On the other point, I have most of my family as friends and the annoying judgy ones blocked. If you think he may have issues then don't be too hasty in unfriending him. Otherwise fb is yours to do with as you please.

I didn't delete him, yet.

Our relationship is nothing in real life, not only on Facebook.

Over the past 24 months or so, I've seen a huge change in him and he's not the person he was before. He used to be kind and funny.

Now, I see so much greed and selfishness with him. He's rude, smug, obnoxious and self absorbed.

Just this weekend gone, it was our mothers birthday. He came home yesterday morning, didn't even remember or day (or maybe he did remember and he choose to ignore it). That's what our mother means to him. He took himself off to his room and there get was for the whole entire weekend, only getting up for food. No talk or conversation from him. The fridge is empty and he couldn't even help our mother with a grocery shop. He drives but I don't. I do online grocery shopping be at times but I can't afford it this week.

The man is a user and a scumbag.

Yes I would. They don’t want you looking at certain things. They don’t trust you. What’s the point of keeping them as friends?

Probably yes.

Got my Dad on restricted, he used just make his little put down comments on anything I posted. Just a way of deleting someone without actually deleting them.

Thanks for the replies.

I will never know how things have turned out so bad and empty between us. I have him on restricted now. I will see how things are over the next few more weeks/months and depending on if he continues on the path he's been on with his dirty moods and not talking, I will delete him and block him.

Jesus, he came home from work with a happy hello and 'any news' he asked. Mainly towards our mother. I took myself off to the room to avoid him because I can't stand to look at his smug face and to be around any if his moods. Big improvement in his attitude since the weekend but that's all it's going to be from him. It probably won't last long.

It also sounds like drugs to me.

I deleted somebody who put me on restricted. I don’t see the point in being “friends” with somebody who wants to look at all of my stuff but hides theirs from me. I got rid.

Jesus, he came home from work with a happy hello and 'any news' he asked. Mainly towards our mother. I took myself off to the room to avoid him because I can't stand to look at his smug face and to be around any if his moods. Big improvement in his attitude since the weekend but that's all it's going to be from him. It probably won't last long.

So, you complain about his behaviour, yet when he's being nice and polite you leave the room as you can't sand his face.

This may be a two way street, and he may have issues, but you seem to exhibit your own towards him too. He might have decided yesterday to actively try to change how he's behaving, and instead of encourage that you walked away.

Regarding the Facebook thing, this is why I don't bother with it all, it's all so petty from all involved. But no, I wouldn't unfriend him, he's your brother and may be going through some things like depression.
Honestly, it's all so petty though.

Bethy,

I first noticed a change with his attitude/behaviour in the spring time of 2017, so it's been ongoing for quite some time. It didn't bother me at first or the first few months. I put it down to work related stress or other stresses he might have. There's only so much you can take from someones mood.

More often than not, what I described in the opening post is him. Sometimes, he may drop his attitude with a happy hello instead of the usual mumbling and grunts. That's all you get.

In the past when he was 'up' like that and I thought it was safe to talk, he'd shit down any attempt of conversation just as a quick. Short, snappish, one word grunts. He's just not open for conversation at all.

I'm done with this. I'm done with him. I'm not putting up with him and his ups and downs any more. I want nothing more to do with him. He's a scumbag, a user and a bum.

Katgurl,

It does look a lot like drugs to me too. The fact he came home a few times, tripping out of his head, followed by a complete behavior and attitude change and mood swings.

I forgot to mention in the original post as well about other instances that happened during the year like going out and losing his belongings regularly after being out. Phone, e cigarette, wallet. He drink drove home a few times too, coming in drunk perhaps even on drugs. There was another time where he drove home drunk in such a state that he didn't have anything he owned on him, all three of his big belongings gone - phone, ecig, wallet. How can some get so badly drunk like that and then get into a car and drive it on top of it too?. I firmly believe that there's more than alcohol involved in his social outings.

He's gotten awful mean. My mother never asks a lot of him and there was a time not so long ago he was going about the house shouting it's not his responsibility to take our mother shopping. No, but it's a nice thing to do to help someone. I believe relationships are a two way thing. There's give and take. My mother is happy to provide a roof over his head and let him away with bills too on top of it and he can't give her any courtesy in return. It's very mean and selfish.

I doubt it's depression. He has a girlfriend for nearly two years. If it's depression, how can he switch his moods off for her? Does he go into her family home and not speak to people there?