28 & getting divorced. Scared I’ll never be happy again.

[missbee90]

Hi Everyone,

I found myself regularly reading posts on this page so I thought I would create my own account and look to you members for support …. I’ll give a short story (sorry it will still be long!) of my long story below.

I’m 28 and currently going through a divorce, no children (just a dog!) we only got married last year and have been together since I was 17.. in the summer my husband (29) got in to bed with me and told me he didn’t love me anymore… we had just returned from a fantastic holiday together where he basically spent the entire time saying how much he adored me, how much he wanted a family with me and discussing our future.. the day he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore he had text me that morning saying how much he loved me etc etc… rewind a few months and we had gone through a bit of a rough patch … he become very selfish and we spent very little time together as he was always working or involved in hobbies … we ended up having a huge argument in May where he called me some awful names infront of our friends and I asked him to move out for a bit to give us space… every day he called and text crying and wanting to come home .. we met, we spoke and he agreed he needed to balance out his work, hobbies and relationship and things were better … we then went on the holiday above and I fell completely and utterly back in pure love with the man he once was as I thought he was back so for him then to turn around a few days after we got back and tell me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, doesn’t think he has for sometime and had been “fighting this in his head” for some time. This was the first time he ever told me he was unhappy… how can a husband leave his wife without even having a conversation about being unhappy!? This was 4 months ago… he moved out a few days after the above happened and I’ve since sorted everything out to buy him out of the property we shared and the divorce is with the court.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for people to say, I know I’m fortunate that I’m lucky to be what people would say as young enough to start again and lucky that I’ve been able to keep my home but I don’t feel very lucky. I gave this man everything and really couldn’t have been a better wife and he says he is doing this for me and “doing me a favour” because I’m “amazing” and i deserve the best …. yawn. I really did think this was going to be the father of my children and throughout the 11 years he has never even given me any reason to doubt him or our relationship and has been my best friend.

I try to limit contact and only communicate as and when we need to around the house of divorce. He has never asked for me back but makes comments such as “if I’ve made the wrong decision I won’t be able to cope” and “maybe one day we will find a way back to each other” and “you will always be the love of my life”… hence why I’ve limited contact because it’s impossible to heal whilst hearing all that. Part of me worries about him a lot still, he’s never been hugely outgoing and is now going out all the time and I worry he’s burying his head in the sand .. he’s casually seeing someone new I’ve asked time and time if this girl was in the mix before and everyone has assured me no and he confirms over that he never cheated on me.. he met her a few weeks ago so I just have to believe that I guess..

I’m a pretty strong person and have an amazing support network but I guess I’m scared, I’m scared I’ll never trust anyone again and I’m so scared that man was my one true love and I’ll never be able to forget him.

Any words of wisdom / advice or people who have been / are in similar situations … I’d love to hear from! Thank you xx

He’s not your friend. He not being kind to you.
He clearly has his reasons, we could all try and guess at them, but him telling you these sort of things is simply not fair on you. And it’s bloody cowardly. It makes my blood boil to be honest.

You need to go completely no contact, really you do, do not hang onto hope. That way only misery lies.

You will tryst someone again, you will be ok in the long run, this is going to be a fucking tough road for you. But it’s not your fault in anyway.

There will be a future for you, and perhaps if you seriously spend some time learning about what you want in life and your happiness then you’ll be even happier than you thought you could be.

Don’t jump into anything too quickly and don’t let him wheedle his way back.

It’s tough, but you will survive x

He's not your friend. You urgently need to block him and/or STOP responding to the inappropriate and manipulative things he says to you. He's stringing you along for an ego boost, it's extremely obvious. Stop letting him do it.

Beyond that - I was 31 when my marriage ended. We'd been together 11 years as well. It's now three years down the road and I'm literally the happiest I have ever been. You are going to be fine.

But the good times will remain distant as long as this guy is still in your messages, being a manipulative prat, keeping you hooked and on his back burner. Don't let him treat you like this! The quicker he's blocked, the quicker you will feel better. Trust me!

I divorced at 32 and I was totally shit scared.Being on my own for the first time in 9 years was terrifying but it was the right decision.Im now married again with a ds

Thank you all for your responses. I have blocked him so shouldn’t hear any of his silly comments anymore.

Just hard when you really thought you had a great partner and they turn in to a stranger basically overnight.

I can and will get through this xx

100% you will
X

Block contact.
This sounds a bit like my ex.
He did this twice - suddenly announced he wasn't happy and then just did off just like that. I stupidly took him back but this time I have blocked all contact and am not taking him back.
Turned out both times my ex was whatsapping other women he had met - always started corresponding with them after heÄd been unhappy with something I had said or done.
He then tried to keep contact to keep me hanging on as it were, saying similar things as your ex, in case it didn't work out with the whatsapp contacts - which it didn't.
He has just done the same thing again three weeks ago and even though I blocked everything he turned up at the door last week crying saying he had never done anything with this whatsapp woman and they had "met" and decided not to take things further and he was so sorry for everything. He stopped short at begging me to take him back.
I told him to get lost - I am not being someone's consolation prize.

No contact - honestly, that is the only way. Get on with your own life. I am doing this now - I should never have taken my ex back the last time and missed out on going out with a great guy because the ex was messing with my head.

He is saying that stuff just to keep you dangling so you're available when it doesn't work out with the OW..... and yes...l do believe she was on the scene before he left.

Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate all of your comments

Carrotflinger - I’m so sorry you went and are going through similar and I really hope you’re getting stronger by the day!

Fishesthatfly - Oh I know but I won’t go back, I could never trust him again for just walking out. I totally understand the comment about OW being on the scene before and I thought the same but my best friend was at the party where him and his new squeeze were introduced (Best friend has absolutely zero loyalties to my ex and would love for confirmation that he had been up to no good as she knows it would help give me further closure so I know she wouldn’t hide it from me), I’ll never the truth but either way it doesn’t matter because the trust is gone whatever way it was! X

You sound like a strong lovely woman
I’m very sorry this has happened to you
X

Umbongointhejungle - Bless you, thank you so much. I’ve just found this inner strength from somewhere, I’ve somehow not lost my sh*t with him once which I’m sure he finds highly infuriating but I’d rather vent on here or to friends and family than scream and shout at him because he doesn’t deserve to see any of my emotions! Life has to move on and the show must go on! Xx

I honestly feel like I wrote this myself. Mirrors my story almost identically. 6 months ago my husband left out of the blue without a single word of warning or any warning signs at all.

It's taken me 6 months to feel ok. I still have bad days but I'm slowly beginning to see he is an absolute idiot.

I really really hope you start to feel better soon. I'm 31 and also worry about the same things as u ie will I ever trust anyone again now. All these reassuring stories on here help xxx

I found myself getting divorced at 27. Like you, no children and buying him out of the house. Nobody else involved.
I took some time to have fun, redecorate and regroup. Had some flings.
I met someone who ticked all my boxes and made me weak at the knees. We've been married 15 years and I rarely think of XH.

I dont believe that being in a relationship leads to happiness.
I think you are as likely to be happy single or in a couple.

He is not your friend. Gloria Gaynor is your friend. It's cheesy but it still works. Have it playing in the background when he inevitably turns up on the doorstep for Round 2 (which will end the same way as before, so don't fall for it).

pink321 - Thanks so much for sharing your story and I’m so sorry you’re going through similar. I just can’t understand how anyone can just wake up one day and feel different - it baffles me! But we can and will get through this x

AornisHades - Thank you for sharing and I’m glad you got to keep your house too, so glad you found someone special and weak at the knees is definitely a must! X

TheMagician - I understand that and I agree that you can be just as happy single as in a relationship. I guess for me I’m at the age where I thought I’d be having children so just a bit fearful that it’s never going to happen (which I know is ridiculous and I have plenty of time!)

Anniegetyourgun - Haha, I love this! I don’t think he would dare turn up for round 2 but if he does I’ll be blaring Gloria & Whitney .. it’s not right but it’s ok.. I’m gonna make it anyway!

I divorced and 30
Im now 35 with a five month old baby and a new partner.
You will be fine.
The years on my own were great! I travelled and decorated my house how only I wanted and went away with friends and alone. You can do this and will be fine.

Similar happened to me, happy, loving partner of 14 years just said it was over partway through a lazy Sunday morning.

It turned my life upside down. But I survived and then I thrived. I can honestly say I'm very happy now. And I remember really needing someone to tell me I'd be ok. I was, and you'll be ok too.

I recommend a book called something like "Abandoned Wife syndrome ". Terrible title, but it really normalised my experience, as much as that was possible.

Spanglyprincess1 - Thanks for sharing! So glad you’re happy and congratulations on your new baby! I’ve just started decorating haha! X

Windycindy - It’s scary how many people it’s actually happened to but reassuring to hear so many similar stories, thank you for sharing! I’ve just downloaded the book on to my kindle, the reviews are great, thanks so much for the suggestion! X