OLD -how do you deal with this.

[ALittleBitConfused1]

So you read so much about ghosting and men who just disappear after date 3 but i often wonder why.
Is it because they are commitment phobes, just after sex or do we just make it difficult for them to be honest and say im just not feeling it.
We go on about closure and dating etiquete but at such an early stage is there any need for a long, drawn out 'its not going anywhere' speach.
I get some on line daters are only after a bit of fun, and of course i know that lying about your intentions to use someone for sex only is wrong, impolite and well just not very nice but what about the other side of the story.
I use OLD, i also have very specific requirements that apply if i was to ever take dating to the relationship stage. I came out of an abusive relationship about 18 months ago and due to this i havs a huge aversion to drama or stressful situations. I always try and treat people how i would like to be treated but there are times where i just think fgs do i need to explain myself at this stage. A few dates in and if i get a gut feeling that someone might not be being completely honest about their situation or there are things im not sure about, or im just not feeling it how do you explain that. If im honest i always find that people dont take the message well and this leaves me feeling like its easier to just stop messaging, or gradually just fade the contact out. But then i come on here and read a thread about a poster explaining how used she feels because she had a handful of great dates with someone and now he isnt messaging back. It makes me feel like im a player for doing this even though im not.
At what point does stopping things require an explanation and does the 'sorry this isnt going to work for me' line actually work. Is it even necessary, what do you do when they ask for a further explanation.
Im a 100% open about what im looking for and the fact that i wont settle. Im happy enough being single to not have or want to. So theres no future faking involved. I dont make promises i cant keep and i never class it as anything more than dating but men seem to be in such a rush to try to make it a relaionship and it really puts me off. I feel all awkward and tend to just go quiet at this point hoping they will do one.
I just hate awkward conversations.
So online daters how do you deal with the perils, is an explanation even necessary after 5 or 6 dates and if so how. Im happy to decline a 2nd date after the 1st, just saying i had a lovely evening but there wasnt a spark for me but once date 2, 3 or 4 have happened and i know i dont want to take it further i do wonder how others deal with it.

"I just hate awkward conversations."

Everyone hates awkward conversations.

" I have a huge aversion to drama or stressful situations."

Again, most people do.

It's just manners really isn't it? If someone hasn't actually done anything wrong or mistreated you in some way, it's polite and considerate to let them know that you've lost interest rather than letting them work it out for themselves.

As you say, plenty of posts on here attesting to the fact that people generally understand if someone isn't feeling it, but can be incredibly hurt and embarrassed by just being dropped without a word of warning.

If it's early days, even a text would be sufficient.

If it’s the backlash you’re worried about, send a brief message and then block immediately.

You owe it to them to send a brief text

Sorry you are a great person and I’ve enjoyed our dates but I don’t feel this is going anywhere serious. Take care.

Then block

Otherwise that person might be left thinking it was something they said or did - it’s cruel just to ignore

What is OLD?

Whether you like drama or not, if someone has dedicated the time to 5 or 6 dates with you, of course you owe them an explanation.

Because it's not just about you and your feelings. If you're going to delve into dating and romance then respecting other people's emotions and feelings are part of that.

But surely you know after date 2, at the most date 3, if you feel a spark or not. Don't drag it out to 6 dates if you're not feeling it, as then less of an explanation will be needed. I'd think it was heading to a potential relationship if I'd been on 6 dates with someone

Sosobered online dating.

Agree, you should know by date three if there is something there or not.

Be polite. A rude text back is hardly the end of the world (if they even bother to do down that route).

I think you are really overthinking this.

I know that nobody likes stressful situations or awkward convos but from my perspective it goes alot deeper than that.
And quite honestly it usally is something they have said or done that has made me want to shut it down so isnt a brief text apologising that it isnt going anywhere a lie anyway.
Im v concious of traits or behaviours that could lead to arrogance or other personalities im not interested in being around, thanks to my ex and WA therapy sessions my bar has been set extremely high.
In my experience when you do send the lame brush off 'youre a lovely bloke but this isnt going to work' for me' text they only respond with more whys or i thought we got on well, whats up questions.
I suppose immediately blocking is an option but doesnt that make you look a bit drama llama?
If i had been on a few dates with someone then i didnt hear from them after the polite 'thank you for a nice evening' message i would just assume they didnt want to take it further. Or wasnt feeling it. I wouldnt think too much about it. I certainly wouldnt be agonising over whether i had done something wrong. I would assume that i wasnt for them and move on.

I dont think im over thinking it at all. I just thought i would ask and see what others expectations were.
Seen a few threads where people quote ghosting then i read them and im like, can you be ghosted after 3 dates.
I wouldnt expect a goodbye text so soon but from some reactions ive seen and talked about with others who have used OLD it seems to be the desired outcome so thought i would see what you lot say/think.

I know its not just about me thats why im asking. And sometimes there is a spark but once i get to know them more (date 4 or 5 ) i know they arent the type of person i would want to progress fhings with.
I am v honest from day 1 and make it clear im not rushing and im cautious so would never class date 5 as anywhere near a potential relationship.

Sending a polite text takes seconds and is the decent thing to do, I reckon. Men are just as likely to feel a bit hurt by silence and deserve a kind brush off.

That defo seems to be the consensus Ginger. Think ill go with the polite brush off then block. Although judging by the amount of threads on here where people are confused or upset that they have received such text, then said i think he has blocked me because he isnt reading my messages i have a feeling that it wont make a lot of difference lol.

You talk about "setting your bar high", but if you are continually going on dates with people who dont meet your standards, and who respond badly when you excuse yourself, then maybe you need to do some work on your filter!

I did a lot of OLD when i first split from my ex. I chatted with loads of people, met up with 20+ of them (i think - i sort of lost count!), had a lot of fun and yes, blocked a few of them. But literally out of all those men, i only had to block about three.

So maybe, become a bit more discerning about who you actually go out with, and you will not have to continually block or ghost. Ghosting is rude. A quick text is all it takes.

I dont continualy go on dates with people who i have to block or ghost.
Im quite happy with my bar thanks. Im v tight about what im looking for and what im not, unfortunately you dont know whether your deal breakers are present until you actually go on dates and get to know them.
Im not physcic i cant tell just by texting if someone is what im looking for or not. Im quite chatty and im happy to spend a few hours chatting to and finding out about someone, so i dont really have bad dates, that doesnt necessafily mean i want it to go further.
Im happy just to thank them for their time and leave it there but i just think theres alot of men who then cant understand why you dont want tosee them again. And can get a bit shitty when you knock them back. Maybe its an ego thing.
Like i said i wouldnt expect a text explaining it wasnt going anywhere after such a short time, i would find it unnecessary and a tad awkward but from recent dxperience i wanted to know what others expectations were.