Domestic violence

[bmak]

Hi all, I have just decided to have a rant and get this all off my chest because tbh I just feel run down with it all.

So my now ex partner and I had only been together about 15 months and so much has happened in such a short little time! Some good things but a damn lot of bad, which I hold my hands up to the things that I did.

When we first started seeing each other we weren't actually in a relationship as it was very early days and I wasn't looking for anyone so I wasn't really expecting it but I was also seeing somebody else. My now ex partner found out and gave me a black eye, but we weren't an item at that point. Few months later we sorted things out and tried to move past it and I know I shouldn't have gone back now.

At times things were great but then he could speak to me like absolute crap with no respect and would blame it on me seeing him and somebody else at the same time at the very beginning. One day we had an argument and he popped my car tyres another time he tried to kick my front door down, another time he punched the glass through on one of my doors, tore down my bedroom and kitchen door! Smashed up numerous phones and a laptop. But he would tell me it was my fault for being disrespectful to him! One of the times I disrespected him is I fell asleep and didn't wake up to my alarm as I slept through when I had told him I would pick him up so I woken up at the time I should have been getting him.

Another time he woke me up by kicking me in the back as he thought I had been speaking to some guy which was not the case, he dragged me off my bed hit me in the head, then stood on my face. When he realised that he had got it all wrong he apologised and swore he would never lay a hand on me again. Foolish me believed him.

Fast forward to this year, I had to delete Facebook, change my number, move home, come off my anti-depressants which I take for anxiety and panic attacks because by taking these I wasn't a strong woman and that's what he wanted. He also threatened to take them away from me on many occasions as I didn't need them and it was all in my head.

So I did something massively stupid back in June that I now greatly regret but I cheated on him, once whilst we were together and then after he had found out I slept with the guy again. I fell pregnant my now ex found out and I wasn't 100% if it was my partners or not. I paid for a prenatal paternity test as I didn't want to lead anyone on into thinking it was there child and I needed to be sure it was my partners however I never got to find out as I miscarried at 10 weeks. A few months later he decided he would forgive me but I endured a lot of verbal abuse and it was clear he had no respect for me. He put his hands around my throat, slapped me and then threw away my car key. But we stayed together!!! And in September I fell pregnant again but had another miscarriage which was happening the day before he was going on a lads holiday so I went through the second one alone again. So basically our relationship was one big mess but I loved him and wanted to make things work however, we were just up and down.

So beginning of this month he sends me a picture of a girl laid in his bed and tells me he's sorry and he loves me. Next day he says it was his friend and he never slept with her so i chose to believe him after all I did cheat. So fast forward to a few days ago and he says he had been looking back at my call logs from back in may and June and said that I had cheated on him more than once with that guy as we had been speaking way too often for his likings. I told him I had given him the truth but he decided I was still lying (which I wasn't) and whilst my friends were round at mine he jumped on my and repeatedly punched and slapped me in my head and tried to pull me down the stairs until the police came and arrested him. He has since contacted me telling me he was sorry and then back to his real self, tells me it was my own fault because I cheated. I thought we were putting it past us but he just couldn't let it go and decided to attack me for it again 5 months later.

I know I did wrong cheating but does that really excuse his behaviour?

Your going to be killed by this man

It is not your fault

Press charges, get a restraining order

Hello how awful but i cant believe you are asking this question?! Imagine this was written by your dearest friend or beloved sister. What would you suggest? There is no excuse for domestic violence full stop. He gave you a black eye and then you started a relationship? Seriously? i dont mean to be unkind but do you really think so little of yourself? You need to get away from this monster asap

There is no excusing his behaviour.

freedomprogramme.co.uk

Have you heard about the freedom programme? Please look into it, it could really help you. Loads of MNetters have gone on it or done the online course and it's been really positive.

It's worrying that you are even asking this, to be honest. He is REALLY bad for you and I suspect for any woman, he needs to be charged and convicted.

If this paltry excuse of a human being went and did all these things to a stranger in the street he would be looking at a long prison sentence. Just because you're his partner doesn't excuse his actions.
Get out quick. Ok so it may be hard, you may be poor and you may be homeless... but at least you will be alive.

Have you got children OP?

Thanks for the replies and I will try that @Hazardswan, I'm not dropping the charges, no way, I did that before and he didn't change. I've blocked his number, he's not allowed near me or he breaks his bail conditions. I do have one child yes but luckily not to him. He's not witnessed anything though thank god but I won't allow it any longer, he will never be anywhere near me or my child again. Oh he's pleading self defence too which is a joke!! But as I have witnesses also it's not a matter of his word against mine

Good for you OP dont look back! Good luck and i hope in time you find a nice decent kind man

@Lozzerbmc thank you c

No excuse for DV. If you hadn't have cheated he would have hit you for burning his dinner or some other excuse. Be strong and don't back down to him. He doesn't love you and isn't sorry. You also don't owe him an explanation for anything. Good luck x

Thanks oh @Lovinglifemostly, I guess I know that i don't deserve it but then he makes me think that everyone else thinks I do, his family certainly think he had every right to do it which is so frustrating!! His mum says I need to hold my hands up for what I've done! It just helps to have support from other people, makes me feel more stronger about the whole situation

There is never justification for violently beating someone. Even more so someone you claim to care about.

There are rarely situations where I condone cheating but this man never deserved your loyalty anyway. He physically abused you. It was definitely a very risky mistake to make, of course, because he is dangerous. But the circumstance sound quite chaotic and I don't think any of us are in a place to judge you for that.

Please please please stay away from him. And get some form of long acting contraception to stop the risk you having another pregnancy. He sounds incredibly dangerous and you are genuinely at risk of him either hospitalising or killing you, if his behaviour continues or escalates any further.

Your DC isn't his but if he continues to be in your life, whether they witness violence or not, SS will be forced to act on your child's behalf to protect them coming to harm.

Good luck with the prosecution. You are very strong to pursue it. He deserves none of your sympathy and his mum should he ashamed of herself for in any way justifying her son's behaviour. But she's his mum, so can't see past that. Some relatives will defend relatives even if they are convinced of heinous crimes...they aren't good moral barometers!!

@Dirtybadger, thank you xx