50/50 Custody

[Peeved5]

Hi all,

No idea if I’m posting this in the right place.

My ex is threatening to take me for 50/50 custody of my daughter as he doesn’t want to pay me child maintenance. I told him I would do it through the Csa or whoever it is now and he basically threatened me and said if I do that he will take me to court for 50/50 and then not have to pay me anything. He’s an awful bully.

Long story short he moved out of our home and into another woman’s, who he has married straight away and they are also having a baby. She also already has kids (who I might add lower his payment for our child).

He works shifts and I’m wondering what the likelyhood of court awarding him it would be. I work as well but my employer is very flexible which means that I am able to take and collect my daughter from school and things like that. So basically she doesn’t have to be put in any after school clubs etc.

At the moment he doesn’t have provision for my daughter as she has to share a bedroom with one of this woman’s sons when she sleeps over. So I know that as things stand he wouldn’t get 50/50 but once our house is sold and he moves he might.

Talk to a lawyer.
Seems unlikely in that setup and isn’t in the best interest of the child.
But do get a legal opinion.
Will give you confidence to stand up to him.

You’ll need a solicitor. It depends on a number of factors, including your daughter’s age and whether her father is willing/able to make adaptations so she has a strong and stable base in his home. 50/50 is a starting point and nowadays courts aim to accommodate an arrangement as close to it as possible which meets the best interests of the children (and a good relationship with both parents and being able to feel a proper part of both parents’ new families is considered in their best interests - rather than infrequent contact and feeling like a visitor in the home of one of them.) Some things will swing in your favour, like more flexible working hours and the lack of space in his current home; but him needing to use childcare around his work won’t necessarily (you wouldn’t expect a court to reduce your residency if your job changed and you had to use childcare, would you?) And courts are pretty good at working out whether a parent is seeking 50/50 because they genuinely want to be an equal parent or because of not want to pay maintenance.

your post mentions lots about money and not much about the kids.

what is in their best interest?

i have 4/3 split with my exp and it's great for my kids, i wish i had them more but they would miss their dad as we've always shared child care and both worked

try to see past the ow and look at what is best for your children, what are their wishes and not just the financial implications.

50:50 doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have to pay CM unless your income and outgoings are the same.

I have 50:50 but still receive significant CM.

Check out the CMS calculator

Thanks everyone.

Her life with me is more organised and settled. She’s 4 years old and her time with him is frantic as with his new wife’s 2 young kids etc they spend a lot of time rushing about and little quality time. Not to mention a new baby that’s going to be dropped into the equation.

I have always been very accommodating towards him and have never refused him access. I’m also very flexible towards him.

Today I dropped her at his house as usual as it’s his day to take her to school. I then got a phone call from the school at 9.30 asking whether my daughter was going to school today. I rang him and he said she’s not well and he’s keeping her off. I said that he needed to inform the school (I mean who doesn’t do that?). He then rang the school and went mad with them because he is not happy at being listed as the second contact and insisted he was put down as number one.

The school then rang me to see what on earth was going on and to say that if she resides with me I have to be the number one contact.

I’m sure people will say that I would say this but I really am the most capable and sensible parent. He is a narcissistic policeman who always knows best.

He’s just brought her home in her school uniform even though she has been off sick today.

You need to get legal advice.

Some of your opinions on what a court may view is in the best interests of the child are inaccurate.

The fact you don't need to use childcare isn't really a consideration. As you obv know millions of parents use childcare.
How old is the son she shares a room with? If they're both under 10 it's OK.
You might think your set up is better, but unless your ex's set up is detrimental to your DD then the judge won't refuse contact.

Not phoning the school IS an issue.

I had exactly the same situation (right down to ex going mental when he wasn't named as primary carer at school).

With me the ex took me to court to try and gain 50/50 custody. Cafcass got involved (due to the fact his OW had 4 young kids at home so with his kids in total there were 8 in a 3 bed maisonette). A Section 7 was done and Cafcass made a suggestion for the arrangement which the judge agreed too (5 nights with ex, 9 with me a fortnight).

My ex was also doing it on the basis of child maintenance. And to this day 2 years later he is still doing everything he can to try and reduce CM payments.

Dig in - unfortunately when you share kids with a personality like this there will be many battles - I now try and choose which ones I engage in wisely although that can be tricky!

Start keeping a diary - open a Word document and draw up a table with date, issue and comments. You then make a note of things like school phoning. It will give you a solid piece of ammunition when it comes to fighting in court (if it comes to that).

Go to the CMS and get that ball rolling. Chances are, it's all bluster on his part and even if it gets to court, he doesn't necessarily 'win'. Try not to panic.

You need legal advice. Them being busy because they have other kids is neither here nor there.

Many families have 3 plus kids. Their kids are fine. The use of after school clubs won't be a big deal either. I am a single parent and use breakfast and after school club so I can work 8-4.

That wouldn't entitle my ex to get more than 50:50.

Oh and yes. Sometimes people do forget to inform schools, the kids are ill.