WTF do I tell my child?

[thinkIwillexplode]

In response to me saying that my abusive ex husband was being aggressive and it was very stressful and requesting he kept things through solicitors as our child is currently sick and I've been up all night with DS

I've received an email telling me he's walking away from DS completely at least till he's 18

I'm not going to tell DS anything atm but how do I eventually explain that to a 6 year old child who last week received a card apologising to him by his father and £50 for not bothering with him for the last year

I think the email is to push your buttons - would he be surprised if you responded saying you were sad at that decision but appreciated his honesty in letting you know? You dont need to say anything to DS right now but continue to look after your son and love him and be honest if he asks you questions about his dad making sure he doesnt think its his fault that his dad is an idiot. You are being the grown up here - sadly your ex isnt!

yeah, defiantly trying to wind you up, does your ex pay CSA? if not pass his info on and forget about him

He pays maintenance

I don't think it's to wind me up though I think he's fucking unwell (he's also an absolute bastard) but he's sent me the weirdest fucking spooky diagram to give me child- all new age BS I'm apparently to explain and use as a teaching tool.

Fuck that.

Explains it more though. He loses the ability to empathise with anyone when not well

If DS likely to ask where Daddy is, when can he see him etc? Stick to basic honesty, you dint know when he'll see him again or why Daddy doesn't want be around.
If he's mentally unwell which is what I assume you mean there's no way or knowing if or when he'll be in touch so there isn't much else you can say

I believe he probably is unwell again yes.

But even when well he did dump DS for the past year.

I've no idea how to explain it. Only just had the letter from daddy apologising to him and a few days on he's cut off

Won't do anything till I've digested it and seen if anything else happens. Just so angry DS is played with like this

How sad, maybe couch in terms of “daddy is unwell right now and needs to get himself better, hopefully you’ll see him again when he is well”

Only if he asks of course

I think your ex will have changed his mind 100 times between now and 12 years' time. I wouldn't say anything to your son - just say his dad's not well at the moment.

I would not respond to message at all.

Ds answer as he asks . You don’t know . Answer age apparently enough to satisfy but no more than needed.

Yeah there's no when better. It's already been nearly a year he dumped DS for.

The picking back up and dropping can be understood because of illness.

Can't explain away a year though in which time he's lived the rest of his life as normal. It's only his child he dumped.

What a shitty thing to do. But I do think he's trying to push your buttons. Either don't respond at all, or a simply thank you for letting me know. Don't get dragged into any further drama. Your dc is the important one. I don't think I'd say anything to dc right now. And when yiy do, Just that daddy is working out issues and that he won't be able to see you for a while, do you fancy McDonald's as a treat. As others have said, he'll change his mind 100 times in the next 12 years.

I'm in a very similar situation. DS has now not seen his DF for nearly 2 months but it was erratic before that...and again as with you it's down to 'illness'.

I've taken steps to disengage with him totally...CMS sort the financial side for me. Any other communication I ignore to be honest...even before his supposed illness he was just a button pusher who I am glad is out of our lives.

On the DS front, he is 8 and is neither up nor down at his Dad being awol. Only last night I suggested I could try to sort a Skype call but DS declined the opportunity. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

It's utterly shit isn't it. DS is scared of his father and I have done my best to counteract that and reassure him.

He still loves his dad though despite fear and anger and did want a relationship with him

I wish I could go back and not marry the man but I did get DS out of it and if I can just help him survive till old enough to make sense of it all... I'd never wish DS away but I wish I had a clue before having a child with this man

That's my thoughts exactly too x

"Daddy is sick. When he's better you'll see him."

No man who wasn't sick would abandon their child and think they can surface back in.12 years is mentally well, so it's true.