How to be happy on your own?

[Lorddenning1]

Is there some sort of secret, how do you be happy on your own, do you just get on with it, learn to accept it it,,,
I would like to meet someone eventually but I think I want to stay single for a bit so I don't end up with the wrong guy, in a single mum to 2 babies.

There's a lot to like about being single.

Having no-one to answer to and being in control of your own life, decorating to your own taste, watching what you like on telly, having your own music on, eating what you fancy at weird times of the day, going to bed when you feel like it, spending your money how you like, starfishing in the bed, etc.

Get some goals!

Things that really interest you. Things you’ve always wanted to achieve. Things that seem right now to be out of reach.

It’s great fun and so satisfying to do this.

And just for clarity...these goals need to have nothing to do with men

I left a 7.5yr relationship last year and have spent most of my 20s/30s in long term relationships. I've never been single for any great length of time and so far this is the longest I've been single for - (16 months and counting 🤣)....... I am 35, mum of one.

Being single has brought me a lot of freedom to do the things I want to do without answering to someone else all the time - I was trapped in a very toxic dysfunctional relationship for years. It is only now I realise how bad it was for me.

I have a very small but close network of good friends, I have quite a busy life in terms of looking after my son but I do get time to myself. I've got some good hobbies, use the opportunity to go and visit friends and family more.

I am really enjoying single life and that person who is going to come into my life eventually is going to have to be quite special to change that.

I have been doing a lot of dating too - best case scenario I meet someone nice and get out and do something fun for the afternoon which has been keeping my busy through the summer - I'm not so bothered now it's winter and been focusing on projects at home, redecorating lounge etc.

Embrace your new found freedom of single life, it is not all bad.... And to be honest I really rather prefer it this moment in time x

Enjoy being selfish! I was terrified of being on my own for the longest time, and I’ve been single for a year now and I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

Not relying on someone else for your happiness is such an important life lesson. So when you do meet someone you can put yourself first and not settle for a relationship that might not be right, juat to be in a relationship.

I liked being single because it gave me a chance to actually figure out who I was. I used to adapt to relationships and end up. It being genuinely happy a lot of the time and after a period of being single, met the person I was meant to be with all along.

I still starfish in bed, especially now I'm preggers, and I'm super fatty and grumpy sometimes, but I never have to hide it and I put that down to gaining self confidence from being single. And being just a bit gross! X

I wouldn’t say I’m happier on my own but trying to maintain a relationship when you have children is so hard I gave up.

I know some people manage it but when I read threads on here about blending families/step parents/partners going away with exes/sharing finances/not pulling weight around the house/horrible hygiene/irritating habits I am relieved I am single.

Lol. That should have said FARTY not fatty!

For me it was recognising the small things that were better.

I all of sudden noticed that I didn't dread ds going to bed and watching tv on my own. I looked forward to a long lazy morning alone when we was as his dad's. I made myself acknowledge those moments.

I am in a ltr now. But it's made me so much better in the relationship. I am not as needy as I was before. I don't need to there, but I want him there.

Reading past threads on here - quite a lot of us are happy alone! the feeling of freedom is immense. I'm like you, OP, happy to stay in more in Winter. Go to work, come home, fluffy pjs on - bliss!

Weekends are for shopping, coffees out with friends, maybe visiting places of interest, but mainly being cosy at home with t'internet, box sets, reading.
I'll look back into OLD come the spring - but not with a view of ever living with a man again. Casual only!

When my marriage ended at 35 i was single for first time in my life. It was scary at first - i hated the silence in house and feared the unknown future but after a difficult last few years of marriage, I started to find out who I was, what I liked doing. I put myself first for a change. I went to gym (great for getting rid of anxietyy/nervous tension) got fit , felt good physically and frankly did exactly what I wanted. I watched what I wanted on tv, didnt have to listen to annoying computer games, saw friends and family when I wanted without anyone moaning ( do we really have to go to your parents for lunch..), did just my laundry, didnt have to pick up anyone else’s pants, had a pink bedroom and pink towels in my bathroom, could do everything my way. I know its nice to have a companion but there is a lot to be said for single life.
Enjoy the freedom and embrace the liberation!

I've been a single mum for 5 years. I've never had to learn to be happy on my own as I just am automatically. It's been a journey of self discovery. And the longer I remain single the more I learn what I will and will not put up with in a relationship so my standards are high. Happy to remain single until I meet the person who reaches them and even if I never do that doesn't scare me.

Statistically women are happier single. A huge study in the US showed happiness was split like this - Happies people at top, unhappiest at bottom.

Partnered/Married Men
Single Women
Partnered/Married Women
Single Men

I enjoy getting pleasure from the small things. A cup of tea in my beautiful china mug. A walk on the beach. Lunch with friends. A Miss Marple Marathon.

It's certainly easier to be happy single than in an unhappy relationship.

Is there anything in particular you are worried about?

I just find it really boring and im only 3 months in.

Things i like about being single - no drama, sense of Peace, being able to do what i want (within reason when the kids are at their dads) able to watch what i want on TV, going to bed when I want.

Things I dont like about being single - No cuddles, no sex, not having that one person who can cheer u up when ur having a rubbish day, raising my 2 children alone, going to functions alone, going home to an empty house...... The list goes on

You've gotten such great advice here. There really is no 'one size, fits all.' I agree though Lorddenning1, single life can be tough and going to functions etc is plain easier when you're with someone else, it just is. However, that's a very small part of life. The day-to-day slog is a pretty big part of life and if it's with the wrong person, that's a whole life mis-spent.

Nothing is forever and your single status won't be either. Chin up xx

@Smozzles oh defo I agree with you, being with the wrong person is defo harder than being single, amen to that, there is no way I would ever get back with said ex and I was miserable as hell, and I wouldn't want to be with the wrong person for the sake of being with someone, I just want to be with the right person now lol

As a long term singleton, peering hopefully round all those corners that people say you don't know what's around, and not expecting to find anyone cos people say it will happen when I least expect it... I've decided that being happy single is the only thing I have any control over, so that's my goal. Easier sometimes than others, but better than a life spent thinking that life is just around the corner.

I've now been single the best part of 9 years.

Was happy and enjoyed it for the first two or three years but I'm seriously fucking fed up of it now!

Yes but you're a bloke @ShatnersWig . Men need women so much more than women need men. Sorry!

Well its coming up to 7 months now and i have settled into single life (if u can call it that)
Im currently seeing someone at the minute, i see him twice a week, but the other 5 days are bliss, I love it :) all the things you said above are true, i love making my own decisions and not having to answer to anyone, other than my 2 children. i still have my wobbles but on the whole im 100% happier

That's so good to hear. i'm hopefully making the leap to be single too soon with my two children. Just trying to find a house now.

I haven't actually read it yet but "what a time to be alone" is supposed to be a good book for anyone looking to embrace being single. It's by Chidera Eggerue.

I've lived on my own (with DC) for most of the past 16 years. I've had relationships but they've never involved anyone moving in with me.

Things I like about being on my own:

I am the boss of everything. I choose my own furniture, duvet thickness, TV programmes, when I go out, when I stay in, what I eat and so on, where I go on holiday. I make the rules and I don't have to consult or compromise!

Obviously, all that freedom comes with more responsibility - as in there is no one else to do anything when you are poorly or it all feels a bit much etc.

However, I feel less lonely being a single parent than I did being in an unhappy marriage.

We are very conditioned to think that we are not quite a whole human being if we are on our own and that somehow being part of a couple makes us more significant / better / more whole in some way. So, it can take a while to get your head around the fact that you are absolutely a whole person all by yourself and you don't need completing by anyone else - IYSWIM.

For me, the relief of no sneering, no criticism, of not having to cook over the top meals, of being able to relax outweigh everything else.

To the point, I will quite cheerfully stay single for the rest of my life. personality-wise, you are more tolerant & more social. You are happiest in a relationship, so maybe set yourself a “detox” period of say, 6 months, and then get back out there.

My issue now, is friends keep trying to fix me up with someone. And I can’t convince them that I really really mean it. I’m done.

Well its coming up to 7 months now and i have settled into single life (if u can call it that). I'm currently seeing someone at the minute, i see him twice a week

So, like, NOT actually single then?

ok i will re phase, a single mum to 2, living on my own raising my children,