OLD: is it normal that I "never" fancy anyone?

[Sonjing]

Just got home from the last of a long string of unsuccessful OLD dates. The guys was not bad looking and relatively nice, but I just didn't fancy him.

This has to be my 15th date in 3 months. I did not fancy ONE of the men I met. Literally not even one. I sometimes have a nice conversation with them and I generally think they are nice people, but I don't fee any spark, so I decline to go out for a second date.

I am starting to think this is not normal. How come I never like anyone? Is there something wrong with me? Should I push myself to go on second or third dates, even though I am not feeling it?

Your positive stories inspire me to persevere with OLD! Hopefully I will one day meet someone I fancy..

I have the same issue, but certainly nothing like the amounts of dates some of you are saying you go on, however I am in my 50's and have found my popularity declining with age on old. I never fancy anyone who contacts me ever and I need to find some spark as I am not dead yet. Occasionally I will meet someone if they make an effort with their messages and come across well. However I have only met one man who I had a spark with and went on to form a relationship with. All the others have been perfectly nice but there was no chemistry. I have been inclined to give some of them a second chance, but my regret is always instant as soon as I see them walking towards me. I have all but given up.

but my regret is always instant as soon as I see them walking towards me

I can relate to that heart-sinking feeling very much

yy to the heart-sinking feeling.

That’s why I ended up limiting ‘date 0’ to a 60mins slot after which there’s ‘somewhere I’ve got to be’

Except..... when I met my now DP, I was smitten the moment I watched him walk in the pub (didn’t fancy him in his profile pics one bit) and I ended up texting my exH to ask him to hang on to the dc a bit longer..

It’s a numbers game. I advocate when your mojo wanes, coming off sites periodically and taking breaks.

I don't know what the answer is Sonjing but I have the exact same feeling. I wondered if it is just because I can't get my head around the age of the men I am dating and in my mind I am still looking for someone younger.

I dated someone for long enough for it to become a relationship and I had to have sex with my eyes closed! Awful thing to say but even though I liked him as a person, I didn't get any "phwoar" factor.

I have to take regular breaks from OLD, as it starts to get me down after a while.

I can’t relate to the sinking feeling so much (ok, maybe for a few of my dates! ); for me, it’s more of a numbness. It’s like the rational side of me can see that this man is normal in looks or even handsome, but the instinctive/sexual side of me feels nothing. It’s weird, even more so since meeting people in real life usually leads to lots of shagging plays out very differently for me.

Like some others on this thread, I also came off the pill for a while. It didn’t make any difference for me, but I understand that for some women it may help.

MargoLovebutter - having sex with your eyes closed sounds awful That’s the kind of thing that I’m afraid will happen if I carry on dating someone I don’t fancy.

I wouldnt give up on OLD u never know who u may find ,i met my husband on there so dont give up.maybe once u get to know someone u will fancy them x

How can it have had its day?

Surely it hasn't even reached its heyday?

I'm the same. I have only been physically attracted to one person who has contacted me OL and we are currently dating. I went on dates with 3 other people during my 6 month subscription and only actually messaged about 6 or 7 back (current guy is the 4th I have actually met up with and my subscription ends in a couple of weeks), despite receiving messages from 100's. All of the other 3 I agreed to meet because i could see they weren't unattractive and we seemed to have too much in common to not meet. The first guy I found more attractive in person and his personality also made me attracted to him but after 2 dates he seemed to vanish, number 2 was a bit of a disaster and dull as dishwater, number 3 I ended up seeing for 2 months and although I grew to be attracted to his personality, i still never looked at him and thought "phwoar".
I think attraction for me needs to be more than just physical but the problem is you need SOMETHING physical to attract you to someone when OLD in order to want to go an a date with them.

This is why I've never even tried OLD, I can't imagine feeling anything for someone after an hour or two of anxiety-filled small talk.

I'm like your sister ladamanera - if anyone ever does show interest there's definitely a subconscious feeling of "what's wrong with him that he can't do better than me?"

If someone's unavailable, bam - I can be 😍 in no time. Something definitely wrong with me lol...

With 3 of my 4 OL dates I gave them a second date if the first was ok and I wasn't repulsed by them as I do think you have to factor in the first date nerves. After that, I think you can expect someone to loosen up a bit and make a more informed decision about whether you want to see them again!

Sunshineandflipflops - that’s an excellent success rate for the small number of OLD dates that you’ve done! It becomes very jading when you’ve had dozens and dozens of them.

@SonataDentata Haha! I am very picky though as I don't have the time or inclination to waste it on dates with people I have zero interest in and I usually know that from the first message/their profile picture. Brutal but true and I bet most people would say the same if they were being honest. First dates are awkward at the best of times so I don't want to do more than I need to! I seem to attract man OL who are:
Too old (like 60+ when I am 40 and state my age limit as 38-48)
Too young - like 24-35 (see above)
Looking like they should be on a wanted poster.
Might explain my low reply rate

I have never fancied someone right from the off. Liked them and thought they were hot or cute yes, but I only fancy someone as I get to know their mind.
I think you need to do a few repeat dates and see how that goes.

Have to wonder if this is why I have such little success with OLD as a guy. I often wonder if women go into it with a bit of a closed mind.

I know I have a lot to offer a girl but the constant rejection due to 'no spark/chemistry' does get me down. I seemingly do what I would consider to be everything right and do consider myself attractive but I would say my success rate to getting a second date is around 1 in 50. Actually leading to anything more is probably closer to 1 in 200.

The thing is a lot of guys like myself who do want a relationship are on OLD because we aren't extroverted enough to meet women via the traditional route of striking up a conversation in a social environment. Perhaps this is why the spark isn't immediate as I do think shy types might take a bit longer than one date to be themselves if that makes sense.

Pretty normal, I think. Does anyone regularly fancy people? In the 3 years between me finishing with ex and meeting current DP, I only fancied 1 man and had a fling with him. We didn't want long-term.

When I met current DP fancied him immediately and we're still together 5 years later.

I did try OLD once or twice back in the day but didn't like it at all. I'm in my 50s & a couple of friends in their 40s/50s have had success on Tinder.

I think they only go for men in their age group and who've taken the time to write a decent bio. Not the 'pic only' men. Tinder seems as good a place as any.