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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being out of order?

4 replies

iamfedup34 · 26/11/2018 20:22

Hello ladies,

Am just looking for some advice as don't have many friends irl.

Earlier this year my partner went away for work. His job involves going out of the country a handful of times during the year so am use to it.

A couple of months ago I found some things on his phone that I wasn't happy about. There was one large main issue that I wasn't happy about and raised that with him. We nearly broke up over it but decided to stay together and work through things.

I saw other messages on the phone that I didn't like but decided not to raise this. He has just told me that he is going away to work in a couple of weeks to the same location he went on earlier in the year and with the same people. My problem being is when he was away he was messaging his colleauge who was also over there. She messaged him after a night out saying how amazing she thought he was. How she hasn't laughed like that in years and he replied back saying how he also had a great night and how she was wearing a killer dress.

I spoke to him today and said that I had seen these messages on his phone from earlier on in the year and all I was asking is to be respected and not to flirt with this woman again when he was away as it upsets me.

His reply to this was, "I don't need to tell you that nothing happened." "This is such a shame that you have to bring this up." "I thought we had drawn a line under all of this."

This was on the phone and I haven't spoke to him since.

Am I being out of order here for being honest and not driving myself mad when he is away? Or should I not have said anything

OP posts:
Snowwontbelong · 26/11/2018 20:25

Imo he needs to not bother coming back.

Doyoumind · 26/11/2018 20:28

Turning it around on you is a big red flag here. He didn't actually deny it and tried to shut down the conversation.

Sirzy · 26/11/2018 20:29

The trust has been broken.

You obviously, and understandably, can’t move past what happened so perhaps for both of your sakes you need to rethink things?

Closetbeanmuncher · 26/11/2018 20:59

Doyoumind is right imo...The 'how dare you you question me' mentality is a massive red flag and the way he shut you down....Disrespectful and shifty af.

He's actively encouraging this woman to take it to the next level and is telling you to put up and shut up.

What were the other things you saw but didn't challenge him over if you don't mind me asking?

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