Has marriage counselling worked for anyone?

[CountrysideGirl]

My DH and I start tomorrow. We're on the brink of splitting up. Has it worked for anyone?

Helped me arrange an amicable split, so yes it did work for me. Probably the answer you wanted but it's important to know that it's not a fix-all. Both parties really need to WANT to fix the relationship. Often what's broken can't be fixed.

Not the answer....bloody phone keyboard. Sorry.

It worked for a very good friend of mine. They were living apart at the time and Tbh I didn’t think they could come back fr their issues. However they both wanted it to work and they both had individual sessions with separate people alongside the marriage counselling.

Another friend went just to go through the motions of being seen to do the right thing. And to show his wife he was trying and let her down slowly. When really he was still seeing the OW and had no intention of making a go of his marriage. Wife had no idea.

No but that was down to my ex not wanting to accept responsibility for his own actions!

No but that was because my ex was already in a relationship with his next wife I just didn’t know it then.

It worked for us following DHs affair

Following with interest. Currently separated but trying to make it work. Two sessions with a counsellor so far, and it feels like we have a mountain to climb. No one has done anything bad, it's just so complicated. Counsellor seems positive but that's sort of her job (and not in her interests to say "you're a lost cause"). I do agree both parties need to be committed. We are, but I wonder if that is enough?

It very nearly worked for us, which was way more than I expected. However, when we moved back in together DH started regressing and we we are back where we started.

I do believe it can work wonders though, with the right therapist.

That's almost encouraging, mystified. Do you think if you'd kept going it would have continued to work? I'm assuming you stopped going once things felt sorted. And how do you know you have a good therapist? We like and trust ours but I don't know if that's enough.

We never stopped going actually. I think the changes he had to make to his behaviour were so enormous that the effort of that was too great to continue long term. Hence the regression.

Honestly i’d say it’s worth giving it your best shot - both of you. I hope it works for you, and I reckon liking and trusting the therapist is as good a place to start as any!

Actually our therapist did more or less tell us we were a lost cause!
But I suspect because H had told her in his individual session that he had no intention of making the marriage work or give up OW

No because he decided I needed sessions on my own even though he felt he didn’t ie he thought everything was my fault.

I just wonder if you have to work so very hard to make it work, is it worth it, having to work hard to make it work every single day rather than just knowing you are right together? In the end would not the huge effort just spoil the relationship anyway. If when you are together you are not just happy to be so. Personally I believe you know when a relationship has run its course.

Caringcarer - I agree. I think it can be helpful to get a relationship back on track, but i don’t think it’s great to still need it 2/3 years later. As you say, sometimes people are just not right for each other.

I think it can work if there’s been a specific event or problem that you can work through together but if it’s general differences it’s less likely to work