Do I have an issue or is it justified to feel like this? I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 1.5 years. We met as strangers and started dating and now live together. However, I have this nagging feeling inside recently. Basically I feel like I have given my entire life to him, but have not received anything in return.
We are same age (28) and we have similar childhood - we both have older brothers/sisters who are 6-8 years older than we are; our parents are divorced, we both were rather excluded from others (did not have many friends, were not very well accepted by others etc). However, he was bullyed at school as he has told me, while I wasn't. On the other hand, it seems he had more active social life during childhood, adolescent than I did.
Our difference is that I went to university, while he went to work after high school. Then, we work in totally different fields, however as we once discovered we have earned basically the same salary during our working lives. So basically our possibilities were rather similar.
I was rather lonely after high school in a new city in the university, and even more lonelier (it ended in a depression diagnose) when moving to capital and started working. I haven't had proper relationships. I have dated some guys, but these have ended after 3-10 dates or so. But I overcame my insecurities and loneliness and found a hobby and a good job and regained some friendships I had lost and I do my best to keep these although those frinds mostly have very busy lives or live all over the country. I also managed to buy an apartment with some support from my mother (being co-applicant so my application for loan would be stronger and allowing to but our house as loan guarantee so I did not have to pay deposit, I pay my own loan). I am good at my hobby, I have managed to establish a satisfactory friendship circle, I have my living costs rather low due my own apartment (renting is more expensive than paying the loan) and I also like to be alone. So I have managed to make myself a good life. The only thing missing was a man - a future husband and father of my children.
I thought mu boyfriend would be the one, as he was so special compared to the other guys I have dated. However, I feel weird now.
He has basically no friends (in our town he has one friend, who he sees maybe twice a year..), other friends live elsewhere and he does not make any effort to reach out. He has no hobbies (he used to had, when he was young - volleyball and some others). He has worked in the same company, which is okey, especially as he has made career in the company. However, he has not studyied anything more. He has been living in rental apartments. he has basically always been in relationship during the last 8-10 years. The last relationship of 5 years ended officially one month before meeting me (I found it out by accident). The other relationships were 1-3 years long and he lived together with each of his girlfriends.
Now, my worry is that I feel like he has no life of his own and he just takes over my life. And I feel like.. envious? I do not know which word to use. We moved into my flat. He has become basically friends with my hobby mates (my hobby is dancing and so we have performances and he always comes to see these performances and thus talks with my mates there as well). He has become friends with my sister and her partner (I bring him along when i visit them), and all my other friends. When we visit my parents, he sits down with my father and they drink together etc.
Basically he is like living my life. However, he does not offer anything similar to me. He has no friends to introduce me - he has promised to introduce me to his only friend in town, but still hasn't. He does not communicate with his brothers very much, so no additional company from there. His parents are different than mine a bit and he does not like to visit them often. He has no hobby I can cheer or support or attend with him.
And finally - he claims often I do not have enough time for him, he wants to be more together (i train twice a week, have maybe one performance per two months and mee my friends maybe once a month.. not much I would say). I think he is just bored as he has nothing going on for himself.
Also, he does not exactly plan our future and it takes so long for him to make up his mind. he also promises things and then do not do these things (i.e. helping me with something big, or going to health check which we have agreed he should do; or doing sports; or finishing a project which he planned (i.e. repairing something in the apartment)). Then again, he does some little things, so I forget about these big things.
Overall I feel like I have given my entire life to him, my life which I have build up with blood and sweat, and he just takes advantage of it, without offering anything in return (cleaning and cooking - ok, taking me to events or hiking - ok - but these are things I can do by myself as well). I do not know, it is difficult to put my feelings into words. And I just can't figure out whether I am being unfair or what.. I understand that being in relationship means sharing our lives. But.. I feel like I only share my life and he just does not have a life to share with me and it is starting to annoy me. Especially as I feel he restricts me to live my life - by saying I give him too little of my time for example. I want to continue my hobby and take on a 2-month course in a university. He said that fine, he can manage it for two months, but it is not acceptable if I continue afterwards taking another courses so that I do not have any time for him.
I think I should break up with him, but then I feel so sorry for him that I just can't do it. He has no place to live if I kick him out, he has no friends, no support, no hobbies. He will be all by himself. My heart just breaks when I think about it.