Only takes one to break it

[Cryingeyesout]

Sad
Just venting
Married many years, young kids

He's gone
Doesn't want to be married any more

It's been many months

I have no choice but to accept it

He didn't give me a chance to work on it..

Just need to talk to about accepting something I don't want and how to get there

Time I guess

Yes, it's all about time.
Do you have younger DC or are they all grown up now?
Would you find it helpful to have some counselling?
Or talk to friends about it?
Are you keeping busy?
What are doing regarding divorce?
Get your paperwork together.
Do practical things.
See family and friends.
Hobbies etc....
And try to eat and drink.
If solids aren't easy then ice-lollies and sugary tea are good.
Smoothies and soups as well.

Sorry you're suffering, you sound as though you're going through an absolutely awful time of it. All the harder when you've got children involved and even robbed of the opportunity to actually try a save your marriage.

People say time heals all wounds, that you deserve better, and probably one or two comments directed at your ex and the size of his manhood. But none of that actually changes how you are feeling right now. A lot, many, even most have been in your situation. Myself included. In fact I am going through it now, there are however no kids involved so that's a blessing.

All I can suggest is you take it one day at a time. Get into a routine, try and rely on good friends. There are some days when you want to just hide away, but I honestly found it a comfort hanging out with friends. It was a distraction. Gave brief moments of normality. And as much I hate saying it, being a guy on a very women orientated forum, there are some great people on here with great suggestions. Reading other peoples stories and their ways of dealing it with it really help.

Best wishes for the future.

Thanks
Good words
Today I just feel robbed of the chance to have saved it
I would have done anything!!

But it takes two to be in a marriage though one to break it
That is hard

The kids are tiny
He didn’t give us a good shot for their sake either

Such a shame

Thanks for listening

There was nothing you could have done to save it. He is the type of person who walks out on his wife and young children. There was nothing you could have done or said that would have changed that.

I spent a long time being angry with my husband for a choice he made. If he had made a different choice our marriage could have been saved.
But then I realised, he would have never made that other choice.
That choice was never open to him as he would have had to be a different person to have made that choice. Realising that actually made me feel better and less angry.

Yes that makes sense, thanks

There’s just a sense of powerlessness

I am in the exact same situation so I feel for you as I know how much it hurts. I’m three months down from when my husband left and it still hurts just as much, maybe more but it’s not a constant pain now, I do get times where I can forget about it and just enjoy my children now. The toughest thing is having to see him when he collects the children and all I want to do is get him to talk to me about why he did what he did and why he didn’t even try but I’ve come to realise he’s never going to tell me that and so I’ve given up trying and instead I’m concentrating on making a great life for my girls instead. Here for you if you ever want to talk x

Sorry you ladies are in this situation. Sadly there are no answer because then they would have to admit they are selfish arse who have put their own wants above that of you and the children.

And do you really want that sort of person in your life. Someone who gave up so easily and didn't fight.

I'm a year down the line. And can't stand the man. But there was ow. And he has stopped paying child support. So a special kind of wanker.

Be kind to yourselves. Just focus on getting through each day and your families. Try not to give them any head space. Big smiles and shove them all out of the door.

Time will heal. So I have been told.

It doesn't take one to break it....it takes two! Often when one party is unhappy the signs are there plain as day, often talked about and ignored. Everyone has their breaking point and people don't just walk out for no reason. Can you look back and say there was no blame on your part? A bit of introspection might help you understand the why.

Everyone has their breaking point and people don't just walk out for no reason. Can you look back and say there was no blame on your part? A bit of introspection might help you understand the why

I think this is one of the most unkind things I've seen on here in a long time. OP is clearly struggling and in need of support. Sometimes people really do just walk out and leave their families in the most awful way possible. DS1's Dad this and whilst there's no resentment or judgement left on my part, it defies all common sense that anyone seemingly happy could just walk, but it happens all the time.

OP do you have much real life support? Are you taking care of yourself while you struggle in terms of eating and sleeping properly? Initially when you're grieving all you can do is get through each day, but make sure your basic care needs are being met - it will make a difference long term.

To be fair I can be an arse and not very supportive to some posters. Often our own prejudice and preconceived notions cloud our own perspectives. The point about recognising our own failings isn’t entirely unjustified. Just perhaps a little bit undiplomatic in its delivery. None the less at this stage point fingers isn’t terribly productive when someone is clearly hurting and suffering. Time for balanced self evaluation is perhaps not appropriate at this time.

For what it’s worth I still feel nothing but sympathy. I think a few kinder words would benefit everyone. Hope life gets better for you soon.

Thanks all
Gonna hide thread now so fraid wont see any other replies