no contact broken after 8 months

[pococops]

I met someone I really liked OLD in January of this year. It seemed to be going well.
I was in a good place and felt ready to give it a go. At 8 weeks in, he ended it saying the timing was wrong (he was separated after 23 year marriage) They were definitely living apart and in the process of divorce.
I was really upset but immediately went no contact, after being wiped out for a few weeks, picked myself up and life went on. Went on a life changing holiday and had a brief holiday romance which was amazing.
So I hear someone close to him had passed away, so I sent a message. He got back saying he'd thought about me a lot and let me know he was single (I didn't ask)
I was quite surprised at that. I then left it. I then got a happy birthday message, which back some emotions. In that emotion I mentioned if he felt at some point meeting again to let me know (only for coffee) and he replied saying it would be nice. No follow up since. If I message he does gets back. Am I wasting time staying in contact? I worry it will not help with my self esteem if he isn't interested.

He’s not interested.

Don’t bother.

He's not bothered.

Don't message again. You've made the offer but he sounds like he isn't in the head space to have a relationship. Best to move on.

Ball is in his court now, just leave it.

OP - you are overanalysing it.
You are not ‘staying in contact’ - this is someone you knew briefly and occasionally you say hi.
Live you life and don’t wait for anyone.

Ok guys, you've confirmed it. I haven't blocked him, don't feel the need to do that. He did hurt me and let me down in a few arrangements at the time.
I'm really not cut out for it. Will I ever be? 9 years since my divorce and brief relationships. I'm feeling low but I don't like the way he will reply but not 'give' anything.

I have friends who have done online dating. To be successful to have to apparently meet people very quickly, as not spend weeks messaging, if they want to meet up then meet up if they don’t then they are not interested and then go on lots of dates with different people and if you don’t click then don’t waste time on second dates.

we did meet up quickly and we even went away together for a weekend. He told his parents about me and sent them pictures whilst we we're away. I don't think I'm cut out for OLD so have come away from it. He is still however still on it. I feel like I'm not good enough and am fed up of being cast aside. It makes me feel there is something wrong with me!

How long were you together before you went away for a weekend together?

He's not good enough for you OP and he knows it. It's really not worth staying in touch with someone who has treated you badly and who isn't keen. Don't pick at a scab.

we were together around 5 weeks before the weekend away. We are both in our 40s and he shared a few insecurities with me. it did seem promising

OP - you are again overthinking.
It’s not about you or him not being good enough.
Timing and life experiences matter so much.

If he gets to a better place, you may reconnect
Or not

He isn’t the only man out there

Agree with the other posters, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. And don't doubt yourself, I am quite sure you are perfectly good enough. But they have to good enough too. Don't give up, keep going out and meeting new people. The right one will come along.

Movemberblues. Thank you - I really need to believe this. I don't have good self esteem.
MM yes perhaps some overthinking going on. Easy to do when you're on your own but I do try to keep it in check and balance my thoughts.
maximum. Thank you. I think I gave given up. I don't think I'm.cut out for dating at all.
I actually feel like an idiot now. I'm not contacting again! The multiple leave it has confirmed it. I deserve someone who wants me. Feel an idiot now. I wish he didn't say he had been thinking of me and tell me he was single. What was the point in that

You know one of the most common things I read on this forum are stories of people with low esteem who have been treated badly and then go on to torture themselves about what they could have done differently or whether they should reach out to the very person who was a cunt to them. They often sound like very kind and reasonable people but they become riddled with self doubt because of how they were treated. It’s a common theme. God knows I’ve been guilty of it myself. I was in a similar situation to you and said person broke up with me lots of times. Each time I blamed myself and looking back I was too harsh and unfair on myself. I didn’t do anything wrong. Well in the end I grew a pair and went total no contact. It took a good while and there were loads of doubts and wobbles along the way but I was steadfast and held firm. I can report that today I have moved on and the pain has gone. You can too.
My advice to you is to follow my lead and throw this fish back into the murky depths where he belongs.

I reckon that the timing was wrong. If he's fortysomething and had been married 23 years he must have started dating her when he was very young. That must be quite hard to get over. TBH a weekend away at 5 weeks seems a bit premature and I wonder if he was rushing to "move on" without mentally processing his separation properly - an easy mistake to make, I'm not blaming him.