What's real?

[itsallmakebelieve]

Hey, name changed as my best friend is on here but iv been here for ages and support other posters as often as possible.

So my issue. I honestly believe my DP isn't in love with me.

I ask him if he loves me, he swears he does.
He is financially better off than me (wasn't always the case but that's another thread) so he's not a cock lodger. He's handsome, slightly over weight but could definitely find another woman if he wanted to. Works away so isn't immediately homeless if I kick him out so why is he with me??

In the name of being completely honest I have been through hell this year, iv suffered anxiety and depression and was diagnosed with a chronic illness but I promise that isn't what causing this doubt in my relationship.

It's a gut instinct.

I 'just know' he isn't in love with me, he's completely stopped doing the little things to show love, he's become lazy, obsessed with social media and gaming, makes promises to be more involved but literally reneges within hours of being home, moans constantly, has dropped his standards of personal hygiene and health, he's like a teenager.

Despite all this I love him, I always have. I'm not insecure, I'm not passive, infact I'm very vocal and feisty but all my frank talking and getting pissed at him is making no difference!

What the hell do I do to save our relationship or do i just face facts that it's over? 😔

Sometimes depression and low mood can cloud your mind. Do you think he's is depressed I ask this because you say he's not taking care of his hygiene or health which can be a sign of depression.

You both need to talk to each other

@jammydodger5 I understand what your saying and he quite possibly could be but Iv tried and tried to talk to him, he listens, reassures me and makes all the right noises but then there's no change.

I just don't know what to do anymore - I feel like my heart is breaking and I Carnt fix it.

I think you're reaching the time to have a 'come to jesus' talk: where you lay out everything you feel one more time and what you would like him to do about it, and be clear that you cannot keep going like this if nothing changes. If he doesn't change after that then you've done all you can.

@gherkins315 That's good advice, Iv never heard that phrase before but I like it.

I'm pretty sure this is who he was before we met but I would never have had a relationship with him like that so I think he upped his game to be with me.
My illness and stressful situation this year has allowed him to gradually slip into being like this but now Iv fought tooth and nail to get my life back on track I want my great relationship back too and he's just not getting it.

I'll lay it out one last time and pray he steps up because I don't think I'm ready mentally for how devastated I'll be if it's over.