Please Help! 6 Year Relationship - Emotional Abuse

[Northernlass101]

I need advice! So myself and OH have been together for coming up to 6 years. I was 19 when we got together. Everything was a whirl wind we travelled everywhere together rewind 3 years a proposal came along and then we bought our first home together. Past forward to now and I’m wanting to seperate. Its very difficult to explain. There is no intimacy no sex we simply cohabit. I fuel arguments because I’m so unhappy and he doesn’t seem to think there is issues. He verbally abuses me whenever we argue and uses terrible words and doesn’t seem to care of the impact. He acts like its okay. I have told him numerous times that he does not respect me because if he did he wouldn’t say such mean things. He gets very angry tells me to F off tells me I’m a pyscho/stupid/liar/child/useless.
He says I’m the route problem and that I always blame him and never take accountability. He said If I leave him I will get cheated on genuinely the list goes on. He gets very mad if I make a mistake or say something incorrectly. He says I don’t pay attention. If I do something incorrect he is the first person to moan about it.

If we have sex its his way every time. I have been vocal about how its 50% each person but he doesn’t care and says he cba.

I’m expected to snap out of being sad immediately after there is an argument because I don’t I’m blamed for being horrible and trying to continue out the arguement.

So a couple of months ago I called off the wedding we were planning because I KNEW in my heart I could not go on and that our relationship was so rocky how could I marry this person.

Last week e called me a f* c at a restaurant because I mentioned I wanted to go for drinks with my best friend who had been travelling for 6 months. I was taken a back and he did apologise the next day saying that his ex gf used to do these things and he promised he wouldn’t let himself get mugged off again?

I accidentally put a perfume swab in his face when I thought he was behind me in a shop to smell and then he grabbed the swab and stuck into my mouth to show me.( genuinely writing this sentence is mortifying) Things like this have happened and he genuinely defends his actions and says I deserve it. I know deep down that this isn’t right.

Writing this is therapeutic.

I’m exhausted. I’m 24 with very good career prospects but the thought of breaking up our JOINT house/life/families is very scary. HELP!

Surely the idea of staying with someone who doesn't respect you is scarier than leaving and sorting out the joint assets?

Speak to a solicitor about the house. You can do this on your own, don't let him make you feel like you can't.

Get out, OP. What is stopping you? Get legal advice, get the house sold, get gone.

Get out. This is not a loving relationship. Untangling the house will be a bore but it's gotta be done. You really don't want to waste any more time on this tosser.

On what basis you are allowing someone to disrespect you so much?

He has no right to treat you this way. Break the house and start leaving on your own until you get your self esteem back. The material things are amendeable. It’s the health and the wellbeing that you won’t be able to buy or amend.
Drop him now, you can do it.

Hi OP,

I was in a very similar situation until the beginning of this year. I was with my expartner for almost 3 years, so not as long as you, and although we lived together we didn't own the house together. I'm 23 so we are quite close in age.

There is no intimacy no sex we simply cohabit. I fuel arguments because I’m so unhappy and he doesn’t seem to think there is issues. He verbally abuses me whenever we argue and uses terrible words and doesn’t seem to care of the impact. He acts like its okay. I have told him numerous times that he does not respect me because if he did he wouldn’t say such mean things. He gets very angry tells me to F off tells me I’m a pyscho/stupid/liar/child/useless.

• This part particularly jumped out at me as this is pretty much an EXACT description of my old relationship. I was terrified to leave and like you didn't want to break up the joint home/family etc. but in the end I thought it better to "Break up" a family that I wasn't really a part of anyway (and didn't want to be and it made me miserable) sooner rather than later, the longer it drags out the worse it gets.

Towards the end my ex also got violent, he shoved me into the kitchen counter once and I was in a right mess, he locked me in the house several times and used to take my phone off me so I couldn't phone for help. He punched me in the jaw to get the tv remote off me because he wanted to watch something different. I couldn't get a job because he wouldn't allow it. And I would hate this to happen to somebody else, I know how exhausting it can be to try and carry on in a relationship like this.
I know it's frightening, but 7 months down the line and I've got a good job that I enjoy - your career prospects won't change if you leave this man! They will probably improve because you will be confident etc. I move into my new flat on Friday and as terrifying as it was to leave, it's the best thing I ever did. I urge you to leave, in this situation the only person you have to worry about is yourself, don't worry about "breaking up a joint family" they will all recover but you won't if you stay.

I wish you all the best, OP. You are brave, you have made the first step because you know it isn't right and you have spoken about it. Good luck

Sorry that was extremely long but I wanted to let you know I have been through the same thing and I know exactly how you feel

Leave don't look back!