Confused

[V1298]

Hi, today my husband called me a paranoid piece of shit because I though he was taking a pic of me or recording me as he was messing with his phone, turns out he was moving it ascouldbt see, I said what you doing don’t be taking pictures of me, I was feeling poorly and looked like crap and then he said that to me....
he then turned it on Monday evening and said he was only joking and to say I’m an intelligent woman you wouldn’t think so, I don’t really know how to take it.
We’ve got issues with other stuff too, feel distant atm as he said we should be having sex during week and at weekends and I need make more effort even though I’m tired. Don’t really know who to talk too.

What are you confused about, Op?
Clearly something is off in your communication with your H.

Personally - i would unlikely to want to have sex with any frequency with someone who can call me names.
Or if I were too tired too....

I think your H doesn’t quite get the fact that you need to want to have sex with him, it’s not a scheduled event he got tickets to when he got married.

Hi,I'm confused if I want to stay in this marriage any longer and debating whether I end it. We've always had issues with sex, I'm the one who got it down to a few times a week and now I can't keep up with that ! If we don't have sex weekly a massive divide starts between us, seems we can't just be close if sex isn't happening during the week and weekends. He said recently he doesn't want to be in a marriage where he only has sex at weekends.
But the paranoid piece of shit has shocked me but he does his usual of minimising it and then I question myself if I'm being over the top.

We broke up in aug for a month but got back together and I regret that, longest we'd ever been apart and now back to square one

OMG I'm so angry, well we've had a massive Barney about sex! He said he can't change who he is and it's w problem if I don't feel like sex during the week and only at weekends wtf!
Basically we went a 3 week period of not having it during the week and only st weekends so he says my job killing me and I should want it as it's a natural thing to do, I say so what if I'm tired or don't feel like it it's not the end of the world and shouldn't change our relationship which it does always, I can't live like this, he says he can't live like this so I've said well that's it then and he said okay, now I'm so angry with him! He said other girls aren't like me, he said he's only ever known me be like this with sex, I said I've never had an issue before because it was never expected of me before it just happened!

OP - clearly there a a mismatched sex drive situation here.
And possibly other issues too?

Your choices - seem to be to either

• psych yourself for more sex, somehow
• find some way to help him out during the week that is less energy consuming - would he be OK with that
• leave
• open up your marriage so he can get more sex somewhere

He sounds absolutely bloody horrible.

First of all stop thinking you're wrong. You are not wrong...you are an autonomous individual who has free will and the right to say no whenever and wherever you choose.
Secondly, you are married to a dick head. That's all he thinks about. His dick.
And thirdly, you don't need anyone's permission to live a happy life free from the dick heads of the world making their asinine, selfish, abusive demands.
If it was me OP, I'd tell him very calmly and very firmly to piss off.

Hi
Well I ended it after we spent the day in Manchester and went to a concert and he was totally bloody miserable all day and night then had the cheek to snuggle up to me at 7.30am the next day for his leg over ! I let him have it but felt awful afterwards and thought what the hell I'm I doing, told him he needed to sort his shot out, he said I did too, had miserable weekend then told him enough was enough on the Sunday after he continued to be a twat! Monday last week he moved out, had contact last Thursday and nothing since, he's moved into a lodging near his work but plans to get another job and move back to Birmingham. I feel okay, I've been okay, busy working, seen my friends just got to stay strong and not end up on the hamster wheel again x

Well nearly at the 3 week mark, 19 days no contact ! Facebook reminder came up the other day to remind me I was in this same position 3 years ago. Last year he ruined our 1st wedding anniversary and we come back from our weekend away a day early, he's ruined numerous holidays too. I've started a list in my phone of all negatives to look at when I'm feeling low. It's surprising how much you forget what's happened over the years. Feeling positive though this will be the last time and the time I do move on with my life x

Well done op. Enjoy your new found freedom. Glad you managed to get rid of him. Xx

5 week mark now, no contact for over a month. I'm feeling much more relaxed, less anxious, planning new things my daughter and friends, life is on the up x

Well done! He is an arse. If he is on your life you aren't available to taking an opportunity that makes you happy.

Thank you. I do feel so much better, I've passed our wedding anniversary no blips, xmas new year I think I'll be okay now x

Well done OP.
Very pleased you got away from the funsucking sex pest.
Enjoy your new relaxed life.

Wow that's a great outcome well done OP you have shown you have determination, resilience and self care - fabulous. I'm impressed! He's not very nice at all.

I feel so free, it's a bit quiet at times but I'm busting myself planning a getaway for me and my daughter. I can't believe I've finally done it, literally every year since 2011 I've been mainly unhappy with him and drained from his sex requests and wondered if it's me who had the problem, now I know it wasn't me, he just put me off it ! Wish I'd not wasted so much time though xx

Busying

Well done OP. Has he tried creeping back at all?

No he hasn't but that's not unusual for him, I've blocked him on Facebook and WhatsApp as he was playing games with his status and picture and I got told by others, so I've just blocked him on everything but not phone. He's prob already moved on but she's welcome to him. Prior to me he had several women in the go, I guess to satisfy his sex need, he also had a partner of 17 years when I met him and there was a 3+ month crossover which I didn't find out about until a year later and by then he'd ended relationship with OW but it caused a lot of trust issues throughout relationship x

I get why he upset you in the beginning with the name calling, but honestly lack of intimacy in a relationship and feeling unwanted and not desired makes you feel quite resentful and hurt.

You shouldn't have stayed with him for so long if you knew you had mismatched sex drives. It was unfair on him and unfair on you. Thank god you've broken up.

It was more than name calling, what he said was just what triggered me this time, in the time we've been together he's threatened to kill my dog, has actually lifted my dog up off the ground by his collar choking him because he was pulling on his lead, once asked me to choose him or the dog, called my children rats, joked about my son who died saying I no longer needed to keep his things then said he's sorry but has a sick sense of humour, ruined numerous holidays, had us kicked out of pubs and a taxi for his intimidating behaviour, drove at speed when drunk and damaged my car with me in it, threatened to start a fight at my friends wedding, and that is just a few things !
He fiddled his ex with lower maintenance payments and hated paying for his kids. Yeah it probably is best we not together after all ! Shame that

Wow V! You're well rid of him! Enjoy your new life without that awful man and have a wonderful holiday with your DD.

Op didn't break up with her dh because of mismatched sex drives ffs, she finished with him because he is a shitbag. Onwards and upwards op, you are doing great!

Shit sorry OP
Very glad that you're rid

All the best for the future

If only it was just mismatched sex drives !
Thanks everyone, when I write it down like that it's like jeez and honestly this is just what I can remember off the top of my head when writing the post ! funny how you forget a lot of stuff and I guess that's the reason why I kept going back time and time again because he was such a charmer and did love bomb me, I can't for the life of me explain why as I've always been so strong before and upped and left if I wasn't happy in precious relationships, but I knew his cards would be marked one day and that day has come! Happy new year everyone, I'll not go back this time his new shag partner is welcome to him, I've better things to do with my time thanks ! Xx