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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Keep at it or kick her out

6 replies

Dad2four · 25/11/2018 17:59

After 7 months marriage and following a stressful time with a termination and problems at work my wife embarked on an affair with a mm. She said it was an escape from how she was feeling about herself and she felt trapped being a wife and mother. We both work hard rarely argue and I have always done the majority of the childcare and housework and generally given her an easy life with lots of love and affection, though clearly this wasn't enough! We have spent the last year trying to recover our marriage or should I say i have. She has never fully recommitted to us since I gave her the gift of forgiveness. We had a big argument the other night after she gave a guy a lift home, that in itself wasn't the problem. It was the fact that she lied by omission about her whereabouts. She told me she had been out for drinks with work colleagues which was true just not that she left early and gave the guy a lift. What annoys me is the deception and she thinks I'm being unreasonable to be upset about her lying. She doesn't seem to understand that after being lied to and cheated on I'm hyper vigilant about her being late back or bending the truth because it naturally makes me think she's up to something. All it would have taken was a quick text to say I'm giving so and so a lift be back at x and there would have been no issue. Instead she is now withholding affection and giving me the silent treatment for daring to question her. To be honest she has never taken responsibility for her cheating and subsequent behaviour instead turning it around on me and blame shifting. This latest blow up has really made me think whether it's worth carrying on. I've been fighting for our marriage and to keep our family together but feel like I'm running out of steam and can't do this alone. Arrr just need to rant a bit!Angry

OP posts:
GloomyMonday · 25/11/2018 18:11

Yes call it a day. She is not displaying any of the behaviours demonstrated by people who are genuinely remorseful and want to heal their relationship. If she is cheating, lying and not giving a shit about your feelings after seven months you're not going to last forever are you.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2018 18:13

I couldn't be arsed. Cut your losses.

Rudgie47 · 25/11/2018 18:15

Shes not interested in you.Time to end it and save yourself further heartbreak.

smiler0206 · 25/11/2018 18:23

Men are always slated for doing the things that she's doing but when it's a woman then they have emotional reasons for it 😠😠this isn't fair on you at all. You sound like a really nice guy that deserves so much better than that. So don't sell yourself short or stay with her because you feel sorry for her. Yes the miscarriage is awful. But that was your baby as well as hers. Get rid and leave yourself available for someone that is more deserving of you

Closetbeanmuncher · 25/11/2018 18:50

Realistically how long do you think it will be before she starts "feeling trapped" again??

Shes taken no responsibility and continues to trample your boundaries while you're running around doing childcare and housework.

Nothing will be enough for this woman.....

The words ungrateful arsehole spring to mind.

BeenThereDone · 25/11/2018 19:19

Let her go..... Give her the 'gift' of freedom along with your 'gift of forgiveness'.

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