How do you manage a relationship like this?

[Tryingmybest1000]

Dh and i have been together 13 years, married 8. One dd, who is nearly 3. Both work full time, me nornal office hours, dh shifts - the majority of which are nights. His is a physically demanding role, mine is mentally demanding. Equal salaries.

Dd in nursery full time, i do majority of nursery runs, and housework as dh is either trying to sleep or just doesn't see what needs doing.

Here's the biggest thing...we have massively different sex drives. He could happily have it 5 times a day and still not be satisfied, i'm happy with once or twice a week.

Last night when dh had had a couple of drinks (i was sober) he told me he felt neglected and that i wasn't interested in him. That we should be doing things more often that if it carries on he will end up resenting me as he feels he's missing out.

I try so hard to make more time for thing's, but we have limited support to help with dd, and i am usually up at 530, by 9pm when everything is done i'm exhausted!

I think this is a common problem for women whats that saying “an angel in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom” which i think men would think ideal!. Perhaps he could help out more you would feel less tired. Chores should be shared when both working. Maybe you could have date nights but once a week sex is enough! If hes got so much energy get him doing the chores and tell him theres nothing more sexy than a man doing housework😊

When did the mismatch start OP? Have you always been mismatched like this?

Once or twice a week sounds pretty good going tbh, with everything you have to juggle. As PP said, if he has so much energy he should be doing more domestic shit.

You both work full time. He should be doing his share of the chores, not whining that you're tired because he leaves it all to you. Cheeky fuckery at its finest, this.

Dd in nursery full time, i do majority of nursery runs, and housework as dh is either trying to sleep or just doesn't see what needs doing.

Come on OP he just can’t be arsed.

Tell him you feel neglected to as you are doing all the wifework while he does bugger all. And that if he pulled his weight you might feel less exhausted, less resentful thus more inclined to fuck him.

I'm not surprised if you have less sex drive than him when you're working fulltime plus doing all the housework. He should be doing half the household stuff, see how sexy he feels when he's doing the same amount of work you're doing.

Aye, he needs to sleep because he’s on nights - but he has the energy to have sex all the time

It’s great if people have the same sex drive, but bloody hell every week is hardly going to see his nob wither away and drop off

Wow...he really wants to be the King of everything right? Moaning at you to give him more sex when he gets to sleep all the time, do little housework and little childcare. Where do I sign up? That sounds like a brilliant life! Seriously, if he wants you to want more sex then he needs to pull his weight and stop moaning

Sounds like my ex partner !!! I told him to leave Friday as he was being a moody ass....since then I've been having problems missing him, how do I move on and then I read your post and it cements for me how I feel, yet I'm only 4.5 yrs in,not living together but feels like it as when he's over that's exactly how I feel.

I only work part time but it's still every day and with school runs I'm up at 7, home by 4:30 then it's seeing to lo, making dinner, household chores etc and my boyf or ex does NOTHING when he's here which is a lot
So I see my work as hard still as I'm the main care for my lo, she sees her dad once every other weekend so I hardly get a break.

The other day he had a cheek to say he feels a bit neglected ?!
We have sex 3-4 nights a week so pretty much when he's here. Our sex drives were always matched and it's been sometimes twice an evening 3-4 nights a week but since feeling like he's in these moods, with me doing everything
It's made me go off wanting to be close...
My point to this post is that this isn't right and maybe I can see it more clearly as I'm not as far in as you however I've seen a lot lately how people are years and years in and wondering if they should have married, questioning if there partner has always been that way or was it not obvious at the start...I feel like that now so my heart goes out to people who have these feelings so far down the line

Something drastic needs to be done in my opinion
You know this isn't right hence why you are here

What would you be telling your daughter in this situation ?

That's what I try and do..my little one is 7 and i try use that on what Example I want to leave set her

If you were to meet now would you think wow I want to marry this man?

It's a question I put in one of my posts the other day
Am I wrong for thinking when we first met and I had problems should I have walked away?

Sending hugs

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