I am 4 months down the lie after finding out about my partners multiple cheating/sex addiction (or so it seems) keeping it brief - basically he has been a high functioning alcoholic, being self employed and earning money and still managing to run a business efficiently whilst employing like minded people (about 3 of them) who all seemed to have the same drinking habits - ie drinking beer throughout the work day (outdoor job in a forest) and then carrying it onto pubs etc straight after work . Before i met him he had been a heroin addict from the ages of 16 - 20) but totally turned it around and came off it himself and had been clean for a good 18 months before i met him, he's always been open and honest about this and its never affected us. However what i never realized is that he also was chasing women sending them messages via FB, hitting on loads of women we both knew like cousins GFs etc and he slept with someone he went to school with. I think he slept with his cousins Girlfriend too (who happened to be a friend of mine) he admitted to kissing her only but why should i believe that. He also had a really weird warped friendship with some woman our age (36) in the villiage, (nothing sexual between them but odd still and kept it a secret from me - it seems this woman knew exactly what my partner was like with women chasing etc) the same woman that our mutual friends called the police over as she was stalking her husband and created a whole load of trouble.
I found all this out start August this year (4 months ago) he happened to leave his phone at home whilst on a bender and i couldnt find anything at first then i opened up a can of worms with this woman from the villiage
Our daughter who is 13 had a major transplant surgery early this summer and all the time he was messaging some woman trying to get into her knickers even when we where at the hospital. My dad also became ill and has been in the hospital for 5 months and at one point he almost died. My partner didn't give a fuck and when i told him he got in his mates van (he was pissed) and drove to town for a drinking session.
2 weeks after this is when i found out.
Cut a long story short - 4 months on he's sorry, he's remorseful, he's given up drinking completely, he's cut off from the friends he had (we actually sold the business before i found out to start another venture -) he's deleted all social media, he's been attentive, caring , considerate takes all the blame, has broken down about his alcoholism etc, prepaired to give up his mobile phone, seeking help etc) On paper things are good - ie financially, we have a fresh start, building a new house and he's being the person he should of been - the one i first met. He's different, i can feel it.
However on friday i came across a load of pics he had paid for of some woman back in 2016 - they where on his email on his laptop ( i can't help but check in - there was nothing at all except this old email i found in the pic section) of course this bought back everything. I know he didnt realize he still had them on there.
Of course this has now brought everything to the surface again - Had a really bad day today - crying, shouting, utter heartbreak and betrayal and it won't go away. He admitted to kissing his cousins GF (i had to ask him as its been so unclear - however i think he slept with her too) Everyday is hard. When i am with him its okay but as soon as i am alone it comes back, i have been having nightmares and there always seems to be triggers. I feel like i don't know him and never had, hes not the person i though he was. The drinking was one thing but the woman, the lies, the cheating the deceit is something else, i don't want to trust him or invest anymore love or time as i am scared he will do it again. I don't feel strong enough on my own. I don't feel like i have properly got over my daughters illness or my dad being unwell and to top it all off i fell pregnant a few weeks back and i had a miscarriage last week :( a baby would be an awful decision to go with anyhow but still does not make it easier to deal with. He's been supportive over it all, he's comforted me, looked after me, yet hs caused it all. i feel horrible and just don't know what to do. We have 4 children, a new start, a new home we have saved and scrimped to build and worked up to for years, a new business adventure next year. But it all feels just too late, too much water under the bridge. I want to have it put right, despite what he's done i love him very much and i do feel he's totally on board and wants to fix it too but its just so hard. What if he does it again? i feel broken, tired and just sick of it all. Its like everything i have always wanted is happening ie the home, the horses in the garden etc living in a beautiful place but it means fuck all now :( its all over shadowed by his deceit and lies and his car crash of a life he has left this past few years and i have been swept up along with him whilst as he puts it - has been in self destruct mode :( he tells me its not me, nothing to do with me, all him and his problems.
I need to get my self together, i need to find another job where i can meet and socialize again, i need to get my confidence back, find myself again. Get strong. Its just so darn hard :(
Planning on booking some councelling seesions - i need to off load
Anyone else been through similar and come out the other side??